Naughty America’s Class Act

Naughty AmericaAnyone who has logged in to Naughty America lately would surely have noticed a few rather appealing advertisements littering the site and looking like they had just been pulled from two of the most glamorous, sophisticated, and well produced porn sites on the ‘net. I too noticed them and had my curiosity piqued. So, after some investigating (which largely took the form of this review and this review) I discovered that my assumptions were absolutely right on the money. The sites being promoted so fiercely were Tonight’s Girlfriend and College Sugar Babes, two brand-new efforts from the same folks behind Naughty America. Any, boy, were these two doozies!

Both websites offer deluxe fantasy porn for the discerning gentleman, Tonight’s Girlfriend imagining late-night hotel conferences with classy escorts, striptease artists, and adult performers. Starring Eva Angelina, Nicole Aniston, Madison Ivy, Audrey Bitoni, and the incredible two-fer of Kagney Linn Karter and Gracie Glam, Tonight’s Girlfriend’s scenes play out like a subjective male fantasy in which he (your mostly anonymous surrogate) has booked a woman to visit his suite while he’s away on business or quite simply treating himself. What happens once she arrives, receives her “gift”, and enters the bedroom in the outfit he suggested is entirely up to him.

College Sugar Babes, on the other hand, gives its viewers a chance to vicariously live out their fantasy of helping an intelligent, beautiful young woman make her way through the tough American college system with as little trouble as possible. They have a simple arrangement, here: he pays her rent, bills, tuition, or simply gives her a hefty allowance to spend as she wishes and she, in return, provides him with company of a decidedly intimate nature.

The two sites share obvious similarities but, in practice, exercise very different parts of the male fantasy mind. College Sugar Babes is the lighter of the two and the scenes there are quite fun and lively. Tonight’s Girlfriend, on the other hand, has a more serious tone as the “John” works out his marital frustrations, deeply held and quite overwhelming desires, and fetishistic impulses with the visiting professional. The High Definition 1080p videos look present the scenes in breathtaking style as they present each situation as an extremely adult affair. This deeply arousing atmosphere is amplified by the sure-handed direction that always keeps the camera close enough to feel extremely intimate without being crass and invasive, and frames-out the male performer so as to remind you, without cheap POV tactics, that you should be imagining yourself in this scene, not whatever stiff dick was on the call sheet that day. These, ladies and gentleman, is some of the most impressive, accomplished, and original works of pornography currently available and the sites are only getting bigger.

Oh, wow! You’ll have to excuse me for an hour or four. I just discovered another hidden gem that need a proper unveiling: MILF Sugar Babes, where desperate housewives turn to meet men other than their deadbeat husbands; men who’ll help them out where it counts most – financially and sexually.

Cell Phone Sin

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink;

How do you know if you’re having an affair? I’ve not gone to bed with anyone other than my husband in the 20 years we’ve been married, but, where are the lines drawn when it comes to infidelity?

Nearly a year ago, I had the day off from work and a text came across my cell phone. Someone had keyed in the wrong number, and, I politely returned a message letting them know the intended person wasn’t who received the message. We joked back and forth about the mistake and found ourselves nearly 2 hours later still corresponding through our cell phones. The more he wrote, the happier I felt inside and the more I could barely wait for the next tweeting sound of an incoming message.

We found a real enjoyment in one another’s texting company, so much so, we would schedule our lunch break at the same time, even slipping to the restroom at the same time each day, just to send a note to one another, feeding the fire that was building within us. I’ve gone so far as to make an excuse to run to the store late at night, just to send him a good-night wish.

We are both married, happily so for the most part, but apparently lacking in areas that we seem to fill for one another. We’ve been texting a lot lately about actually meeting in person. I know him so well from our intimate messages, and vice versa, the next logical step would be to get together for lunch or a cup of coffee, but the temptation is already so great, I’m afraid where it might lead. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty, and the urge is getting stronger for us both.

Cell Phone Sin

Dear Ms. Sin;

Well, I must admit, it seems you’ve dug yourself a horny hole that now you must decide whether to climb out of, or have someone toss you a larger shovel so you can continue digging. If you and your husband have already been married for 20 years, then I assume it’s safe to say I’m not talking to some teenager that’s following her puberty whims, you’re an adult, and know what feels right and wrong to you.

My own personal opinion, when it comes to having extra marital affairs, whether they be the tender romantic type or the full blown hardcore, meet in the middle of the afternoon at a cheap motel, bang each other’s brains out and then rush home to get dinner in the oven, there’s a philosophy I’ve followed. No matter how happily a married person is, they normally don’t stray from their wedding vows because they’re looking for new sex, what they’re seeking is the romance, intimacy, and that fluttering butterfly feeling in the pit of their stomach. All of the things forgotten about as middle age and routine seem to be surrounding in a suffocating manner.

You’ve fallen into that groove of get to know a new person, hear them laugh at my jokes, have them think of me all day long, say all of the romantic things that makes a heart go pitter-patter, and now and then, embark on the erotica that awakens those areas below the belly button that time has forgotten. You don’t have to spread your legs to constitute an affair, you’ve already broached the bedroom without actually hitting the sheets, and even though you feel as if you’ve not experienced guilt over your actions, it’s apparent that you have, hence, your reason for writing about sexual advice.

It’s human nature to think the next logical step as you called it would be to meet for coffee, but, I have a feeling if that happens, there’s going to be a lot of cream added to that coffee! The ground work is laid, the only thing left is the two of you. You need to do some deep soul searching, maybe take a break from your break-time texting, spend some quality moments with your husband, see if the spark is still there. If you’ve got stronger embers from your texting romance, then you might want to seek more than cell phone service from your soul searching. Is it time to walk into something new, or should you invest that time into working on what you’ve had for 20 years and make it last another 30?

To answer your question to the best of my ability, in the eyes of many, yes, you are embarking into an affair, your heart has already been involved. For now, keep both feet on the floor until you have a foundation of what you truly want and what you believe you can deal with when it comes to looking in the mirror each morning. Maybe instead of an OMG! (Oh My God!) message, you should sent a TTYL. (Talk to you later), because, if you’re bothered by this enough to seek advice, then you’re not ready to take it one step further.  Life is short, and yes, you should grab the brass ring, but don’t forget the golden one on your left hand.

Have a sex advice question? Want to be featured in our next blog post? Email Missy Pink’s Sex Advice or post your thoughts in our Disqus feature below.

Vibrating on Another Dimension

Sex & ZenIn August of last year, I blogged about 3D Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy, Hong Kong’s highest grossing Category III (18-years-and-over) movie ever. At the time, I, like many of you, assumed the Sex & Zen series would likely end there and possibly be rebooted/remade/remastered in 3D. Nope. “Fuck that,” yawned producer of this three-dimensional pornographic phenomenon, Stephen Shiu “we need to find the next dimension!” And find it they did, giving it the rather uninspired name of 4. But just what is the fourth dimension? Well, according to early reports, it involves vibrating cinema seats. No shit?

With no release date in sight and little but a title, 4D Sex & Zen: Slayer of a Thousand from the Mysterious East, to toss to his buddies in the entertainment media, Shiu is nonetheless determined to have every viewer of his 4D opus buzzing along with every orgasmic thrust. While it sounds unlike anything you or I might have heard of before, vibrating cinema seats isn’t exactly a revolutionary idea. The first attempt at buzzing the butts of cinema patrons was made back in the aftermath of WW II to a rather pitiful reception.

So, really, isn’t this just another ploy to keep dollars flowing into cinemas and not the hands of bootleggers. Is there some way those who purchase 4D Sex & Zen on DVD or Blu-Ray will be able to enjoy the vibrations experienced by cinema-goers (without stealing their girlfriend’s rabbit)? I’m no expert and I can’t say for sure, but I’ll be sure to ask my friendly Chinatown DVD merchant the next time I drop by to pick up a Hong Sang-Soo DVD for a paltry $6 USD and wonder why I hardly ever go to the movies anymore

Porn for Saint Paddy

Samantha Saint - Naughty AmericaNow that we’ve all overcome our post-St. Patrick’s Day hangovers, how about a quick glance back in time to see what we all missed while downing pints of green beer and Guinness at our local taverns?

Brazzers, which holds a very impressive 94% rating from yours truly, presented its members with a scene starring Hailey Young, Ramon Nomar, and the most enviable little person this side of Warwick Davis. In the scene, Hailey, a nurse at O’Sullivan’s Mental Hospital for the Insane, happens upon a feisty lil’ leprechaun in the ER waiting room – naturally, he’s drunk – she reluctantly gets to work on helping him feel better. When things turn sexual, though, Hailey decides to let her fantasies take over by imagining the little Irish fella as handsome security guard Ramon, who gives her a right good plugging in every one of her saintly holes. Ah, nice one, Hailey!

Although definitely a red-white-and-blue pornsite from busty top to jam-packed bottom, Naughty America nonetheless got its members into the Irish festivities with a brand new scene starring Samantha Saint and the guy every woman in porn seems to love fucking, Johnny Sinns. Presented on Naughty America’s My Friend’s Hot Girl website, this scene decks the stunning Samantha out in a tartan skirt and green shirt, bra, panties, and even a green mini top-hat. She gets pretty annoyed with her boyfriend when he buggers off for a basketball game and decides to vent her frustration by fucking his friend Johnny, who has come calling in hopes of enjoying some drunken debauchery with the lads. The perfect way to celebrate St. Paddy’s day!

Also… nothing. Well, shit, folks. Of all the major adult sites, these two seemed to be the only ones looking out for their Irish members. Unless it’s too early to start drinking again, let’s raise our glasses to two of the best damn porn networks on the net, Brazzers and Naughty America. May they be in heaven a good thirty minutes before the devil even knows they’re dead. Sláinte!

Bree Olson: Naked for Kony 2012

Alongside his father Nick, George Clooney was arrested last Friday outside the Sudanese embassy in Washington D.C. during a protest organised to draw attention to Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir’s alleged bombing attacks on his own citizens, primarily in South Kordofan near Sudan’s border with newly independent South Sudan.

Like Hollywood’s most eligible bachelor, former pornstar Bree Olson felt compelled to take action after hearing of the Kony 2012 protest movement, a largely online protest encouraging further U.S. efforts to arrest Joseph Kony, leader of Ugandan guerilla group the Lord’s Resistance Army. Having been made aware of Kony’s International Criminal Court indictment for war crimes and violations of the human rights of his fellow citizens, most of which have now been well documented on respectable websites, Bree decided to cavort around on the beach in Los Angeles, wearing next to nothing, and upload a video to YouTube. As you do.

Informing her viewers of Kony’s horrific crimes while providing some rather absurd eye-candy – check out Bree’s facial expressions as she smears muddy sand around her neck and that “is she stoned or serious” look she gives while walking alongside one of LA’s ubiquitous chain-link fences – Bree says she juxtaposed these images of herself with photographic evidence of Kony’s crimes because “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.”

Hey, good for her, she got involved in a movement she cares about. And while many of Bree’s fans will be thrilled to ogle her one more time and might possibly read up on and even protest Kony’s crimes in their own way, they’re probably just pissed the ex-pornstar with a rather scary impregnation fantasy didn’t actually take it all off like the title of her video, Naked for Kony 2012, suggested.