Attell Back with More Old Porn

Dave's Old PornNo comedian has made more blatant his love of sexual deviancy than Dave Attell. The two-time AVN Awards host hasn’t just hobnobbed with porn’s best and brightest, he’s already figured out a way to watch porn professionally. With one well received season already in the can and a second premiering this past week, Showtime’s couch-bound comedy show Dave’s Old Porn sees the standup inviting guests to sit with him and watch vintage pornographic movies from the days of Super8, VHS, and Betamax. While not the most interesting concept on paper, in practice the show’s a riot that blends Mystery Science Theater 3000 commentary with interviews that, thanks to guests like Kathy Griffin, Joe Rogan, Chelsea Handler, Marc Maron, and porn stars both active and retired, Ginger Lynn, Joanna Angel, Nina Hartley, Tom Byron, and Ron Jeremy, are as riotous as they are revealing.

Talking to Men’s Health on the eve of the show’s second season premiere, Attell revealed that the idea for Dave’s Old Porn came after “four years of drinking and walking around in the rain” on his Comedy Central show Insomniac, when he decided his next TV gig should omit heavy weather and include, preferably, “a lot of porn.” While cum-showers are definitely on the cards, most of the golden age goodies Attell and his guests watch and riff on are precipitate-free, leaving commentators to focus, not surprisingly, on the differences between vintage porn and the contemporary adult entertainment scene.

Calling today’s porn “super hardcore… it looks more like an MMA fight”, Attell asserts that, although we may make fun of them now, the more character-driven porno narratives of yore had viewers finding themselves actually caring about the people doing the fucking. “You really fall in love with the girls, and the guys were like chameleons. Ron Jeremy was a flight attendant, a plumber, a secret agent… the range of that guy! Robert DeNiro cannot do what Ron Jeremy does.” And, more importantly, few people want to see him try.

Dave’s Old Porn continues its second season Thursday at 11pm ET on Showtime.

EPISODE 201 Teaser 1 from GigglechickInteractive on Vimeo.

The Force is Strong with Axel Braun

Star Wars XXX parodyWith The Walt Disney Company having just purchased Lucasfilm and all its properties and holdings from chairman, founder, and sole owner, Star Wars creator George Lucas, you might assume porn parodies of Lucasfilm properties have been put on the back burner until the intended parodists can gauge what Disney’s reaction to seeing their latest intellectual property acquisitions dishing out blowjobs and being primed for anal penetration might be. Porn parody master Axel Braun, however, waits for no mouse.

Riding the wave of Star Wars-related news with their own announcement that pre-production on sequels to existing the Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody has already begun, Braun and Vivid Entertainment now hope to have the next parody out by this time next year. “We expect adult movie fans will continue to have an interest in our adult Star Wars parody movies, so we’ve decided to add a third parody film to the two we already have in pre-production,” Braun told AVN., cementing the fourth Star Wars parody and lighting the fires of anticipation in many a fanboy’s loins.

Braun’s first Lucas-unaffiliated effort has been the breakout porn parody success of recent years and even had pop culture site Die Screaming praising the feature for “managing to keep true to the look and feel of the original source material, while injecting a healthy amount of tongue-in-cheek humor,” and praising both the “amazing” graphics and the “dead-on” casting.

If you still haven’t seen Braun’s original Star Wars parody, maybe this SFW trailer will convince you to seek it out. But don’t be alarmed: that sensation you feel rising from just below your guts and urging you to stroke your lightsaber… that’s the force.

No on B: the Teleplay!

With Americans preparing to go to the polls in just a few days, there’s plenty of discussion about who to vote for, who not to vote for, and whether or not presidential candidate Roseanne Barr is even on the ballot. Angelenos, however, will have to decide on one county measure that could see thousands out of work, hundreds of companies moving out of state, and the government having far too much control over, of all things, the adult entertainment industry.

Measure B is the controversial ordinance that would, in essence, make shooting porn without condoms and other protective devices illegal, and would see offenders fined and possibly jailed. Proponents of the measure cite allegedly rampant STD and HIV infection rates among adult performers and claim the ordinance is about protecting those having sex on camera. Opponents argue that Measure B is an infringement of their constitutional right to have sex however they see fit, on camera or off; that the adult industry is aggressively self-regulated and performers are much less likely to contract an STD than someone fucking in the general populace; that, if enacted, the ordinance would see the adult industry moving out of state, causing a huge increase in unemployment rates due to lack of work for those that work in off-screen positions throughout the industry; and, according to MarketWatch, it would cost LA county “in excess of $300,000″ to start the program and $1.7 million or more per year to maintain, according to a report from Los Angeles Fire Department.

You, however, might not be in LA and might not see what all the fuss is about. How convenient then that James Deen and Jessica Drake, both staunch opponents of the measure, have, under Kimberly Kane’s direction, produced the following informational video, showing what porn could very well be like should Measure B pass.

No on Measure B

Speechless – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comMissy Pink,

I always heard honesty was the best policy, but when my wife asked if we could do something different in the bedroom to spice it up, I said, yeah, talk dirty to me! Now she thinks I’m some sort of sex freak and won’t talk to me at all!

Speechless

Dear Speechless;

First of all, you’ve heard right, honesty is the best policy, it just doesn’t go on to explain how it will be perceived in many situations, and in yours, it sounds as if it wasn’t perceived well.

The fact your wife isn’t speaking to you at all now doesn’t mean it’s from pure anger, she may just be mulling over your suggestion and trying to come to grips with it in her own way. We have to remember, what may be a turn on for one person is frightening to another. Yes, frightening. Depending on how your wife was raised, and what her beliefs are, she may see your love-making sessions as being more sensual than sexual, and by you wanting her to talk dirty, it throws a fetish spin on things that she may not feel comfortable with, and that does not mean she’s completely against it, but, like anything new, it takes some getting accustom to.

She probably had the immediate thought of slinging four-letter words through the darkness of your bedroom, making her feel cheap, and at the same time, knowing that it would be exciting for you has possibly caused her to look at you differently. It seems a situation like this calls for steps of approach, the first being, opening the communication again, normal talking around the dinner table, it’s easier to say, “Pass the potatoes,” than to shout, “Fuck me hard!” Buy flowers, send her candy, find a nice card, soothe her ravaged soul to begin with. Once things are back to normal, she’ll probably approach you about the reply to her question, this is where you should handle things with with caution, don’t rush into anything.

Explain to her that when she asked the question, because you love her and feel as though she’s your best friend, you had no qualms about disclosing something a bit different to spice things up, but that you apologize for being so blunt. Tell her you wish you’d expressed it as sharing conversation while making love, such as, being vocal about what you’re doing and when. Example; “I’m going to unbutton your blouse now and feel the softness of your skin under my fingers.” There’s nothing dirty and disgusting about that, just alluring. Explain that maybe it would be better if she was the one to hear the things rather than rushing into saying them. By all means, assure her you didn’t mean hardcore four letter words. Something tells me if the playfulness begins in a softcore manner, they may very well lead into the spiciness that you’re hoping for.

Remind her that she is the only woman that turns you on, and to hear her voice while being passionate was merely meant to stimulate another of your senses, you didn’t mean for it to come out disgusting or disgraceful, but only if it would excite her as well.

Esquire Crowns Queen Mila

Mila Kunis may have started off with a small role in Baywatch way back in 1994 but she’s now regarded as one of the sexiest young actresses in Hollywood. In fact, she’s just been christened the Sexiest Woman Alive by Esquire magazine.

Mila Kunis

The men’s lifestyle bible’s annual charting of the ups and downs of models, actresses, and celebrity personalities who’ve made our knees quiver settled on Kunis as the preeminent babe of 2012 not just because she’s got the bangingest body or flashes the most sultry, come-hither looks, but because she’s “the most beautiful, opinionated, talkative, and funny” movie star of her generation. Discussing her career and relatively young life (she’s 29) with Esquire’s Ross McCammon, Kunis suggests her story of immigration to superstardom is not unlike those of many other young Jewish women living in Los Angeles’ Fairfax district, albeit without the fame and all that comes with it. Her fetishized story of emigrating from Ukraine to escape anti-semitism has contributed much to her aura of worldliness and cemented her place, for better or worse, as one of the more “exotic” American starlets in Hollywood today. Of course, her signature smokey eyes, husky voice (which has wormed its way into millions of American homes via her character Meg on Family Guy), and intellectual leanings (she follows international politics, especially that of Israel, quite closely and enthuses over her bookcases: “Check out these bookcases!”) don’t hurt one bit.

Still, there’s something vague and distant about Kunis. It’s as if she wants to play at being down-to-Earth while remaining closely guarded, even distant. In the end, though, she took off her shirt for Esquire – you can see the full photoshoot here – and for most guys, that’s all that matters.