Leading online condom store, Condomania, recently published a how-to guide for women who’ve never used a vibrator before. Titled “How to Use a Vibrator: Helpful Advice for First-Timers”, the article details the ins and outs of vibe use – and thankfully with less lame puns than this blog – and points out what some might find to be exceedingly obvious. Ranging from inane observations – “Vibrators for women take many shapes and come in various sizes,” – to thinly-veiled product endorsements – “Some first-timers opt for Trojan vibrators, which come in easy to use designs that aren’t intimidating to use or expensive to buy,” – the guide may come across as completely unnecessary to some, but will likely have all those previously asexual Fifty Shades fans giggling in their Nordstrom Rack-purchased frocks and contemplating self-satisfaction of the battery-operated kind.
From setting the mood – “dimming the lights, turning on soft music; whatever you need to feel sexy” – to letting the previously external-only phallus find its way inside – “Allowing the vibrator to enter the vagina simulates sexual intercourse but adds an extra ‘buzz'” – Condomania seeks to cover all areas of vibrator-aided self-pleasure and, somewhat surprisingly, even suggests using a vibe with a partner for added stimulation. A novel concept if ever there was one!
What Condomania’s guide seems to be missing, though, is the efficiency vibrators introduce into masturbation. By selecting the right shape and size of toy, getting to know its settings and potential power, women can feasibly bring themselves to a height of masturbatory bliss and brevity rivaled only by the most accomplished of male self-strokers. Plenty of guys can sit in a restaurant bathroom, spit in their palm, and rub one out in two or three minutes, so what’s with all the candles, scents, and allotment of a solid hour of “me time” needed by the presumed readers of Condomania’s guide. Is the only thing keeping these women readers from near-instant sexual self-gratification the hypocrisy that’d arise should they continue making jokes about feeble sex-obsessed men and their devotion to the manual orgasm process? Nobody said sexual liberation didn’t come with a cost and if that’s less jerk-off jokes, so be it.
Never willing to be outdone by the competition, Brazzers has followed Naughty America’s lead in releasing its very own Christmas scene. Unfortunately for the infamous ZZ, Naughty America’s office-set four-way not only beat Brazzers’ version by launching on Christmas Day (not two days after Christmas), it also put Brazzers MILF-laden scene to shame with a cast of stellar performers of difference ages and sexual styles. Where Brazzers cast Krissy Lynn, Tanya Tate, Chanel Preston, and Nicole Aniston – all of whom are fine performers, by the way – Naughty America hired Lexi Belle, Brandi Love, Madison Ivy, and Veronica Avluv for a generation gap-bridging quartet that simply cannot be beat.
While missing the boat with (an admittedly quite strong) Christmas effort, Brazzers may have simply been waiting until another holiday rolled around, one constituting more familiar territory for the always-partying revelers behind the ZZ brand. That’s right, folks, Brazzers has unleashed a double-header to cure even the most severe New Year’s Day hangover. Nikki Benz and Alexis Ford square up against Manuel Ferrara and Keiran Lee in a Pornstars Like it Big scene so ribald it’ll have you waiting with bated breath as the girls become increasingly horny the closer it gets to the celebrated midnight hour. Meanwhile, over at Real Wife Stories, Brazzers tells of Vanilla Deville, a woman so sexually frustrated she needs the biggest party night of the year to finally realize her inner slut. Making a resolution to “meet new people and fuck more guys”, Vanilla certainly isn’t wasting the carnal opportunity of the year, not at a party with Johnny Castle and Erik Everhard in attendance.
So, dear reader, it seems Brazzers just isn’t the kind of company to throw everything into a scene celebrating the most over-celebrated holiday in the Western World and instead jumps at the chance to create pornographic parties that put even Hef’s to shame. Why not ring in the New Year with two choice Brazzers cuts?
Here in the USA interactive porn has thrived through live hardcore shows (a la Brazzers Live), webcam feeds, and Kelly Shibari’s now legendary fan-bang (Kelly Shibari is Overloaded), but we’re still trailing behind Japan in unique methods of viewer participation. Japanese AV idol, Uta Kohaku, was set to star in Semen Collection 2, but she and the producers found their reservoirs running a little dry. Unable to procure enough ejaculate to satisfy the demands of the script, Uta took to Twitter to urge her fans to send in bottle of their own seminal fluid and a radio station did likewise. The result? Well, see for yourself.
Uta, who is known for her resemblance to Atsuko Maeda, a former member of Japan’s 91-member girl group AKB48, received over 100 bottles of ejaculatory fluids, each one labeled with the suppliers name and Tweeted her thanks: “The semen from my fans! Awesome! I will care for them as if it were my own”
While those of us used to more conventional, straightforward porn might find the idea of fan-submitted ejaculate a little tasteless, you’ve gotta hand it to Uta Kohaku and the producers of Semen Collection 2, Radix: that sure is a novel way to get your fans involved.
Two hardcore scenes featuring Uta Kohaku can be found at All Japanese Pass.
Before the arrival of that one day every year you’re not only allowed to stuff yourself full of delicious food but are given lavish gifts by your loved ones, Naughty America posted four scenes designed to have you Jingle Bell Rock-ing your cock like you never had before. Lexi Belle, Veronica Avluv, Brandi Love, and Madison Ivy each took turns to give their boss, Bill Bailey, rather salacious Christmas gifts, each one catering to his sexual desires better than the last. It took the arrival of December 25th for Bailey to get the biggest, most awe-inspiring gift of all, though, and it was a gift he shared with the rest of us.
Lexi, Brandi, Veronica, and Madison may have spent the days preceding Christmas fighting over raises, holiday bonuses, and who snagged their boss in the Secret Santa draw, but the holiday itself, a day of giving and receiving and the sharing of love, the four women joined forces to present their boss with a gift he’ll certainly never forget. After sitting around waiting for Bailey to show up to their office Christmas party, the girls all revealed their deep, dark secrets: that they’d each individually banged their superior. Throwing themselves into the Christmas spirit, the girls decide to launch themselves en masse upon Bailey’s cock as soon as he show up – and launch themselves they do. Unwrapping his presents one-by-one, Bill soon learns that the true meaning of Christmas doesn’t lie in the receiving of gifts, but in their giving, presenting his employees not with financial bonuses, but ejaculatory ones. Thankfully, they don’t seem to mind an iota.
If you’ve had your fill of the Christmas season – and I can’t say I blame ya – then Naughty America has another holiday treat in store for you, one that doesn’t involve red and white hats, tinsel, or sleigh bells, just Jenni Lee recovering from a NYE hangover by fucking the brains out of pizza delivery guy Johnny Castle. And to thank their loyal followers and members, Naughty America is offering a New Year’s special: one month of membership for just $14.95. Now that you know how, why not start the year off right?