Playboy Taps Crimson for Tips

Camille CrimsonWe at Mr. Pink’s have been big fans of Camille Crimson and The Art of Blowjob for some time, but it seemed like everyone else was still favoring puke-inducing deep-throats as vicious as they seemed uncomfortable. Lately, however, the world seems to be waking up to Ms. Crimson’s unique porn styling and her devotion to, well, the art of giving blowjobs. Especially noteworthy is Crimson’s inclusion in, of all publications, the granddaddy of modern day adult entertainment, Playboy.

Writing for the Playboy site’s Sex & Dating section, Crimson details five key ways to ensure you not only receive great blowjobs, but are worthy of them, too.

Presentation is key, Crimson says, advising would-be tonsil-ticklers to wash up, trim excess follicles, and ensure underwear (if worn) is free of stains, holes, and loose waistbands. Ditch your crusty Fruit of the Looms, fellas, and spring for a couple pairs of Calvins.

Inspiration. Here, mainstream porn takes some criticism from Crimson, one of the few outside voices attempting to curb the hyper-aggressive face-fucking prevalent in today’s porn. She suggests warming up your lady (and yourself) with some “sensual, respectful, and beautiful blowjob porn”. (Gee, I wonder where you’d find such stuff…)

Communication is arguably the most direct path to oral satisfaction. “Without getting too bossy, voice your desires and get what you want out of the blowjob,” she advises. This relates to the culmination of the act, too. “It’s not bad to want to come in her mouth, on her face, on her breasts… but give a heads-up before you do and leave it open for her to suggest an alternative if she wants.”

– While she’s exhausting her jaw and tongue for your pleasure, you could at least show some Appreciation. When you’re going down on her (which we’ll get to in a moment), you want to know you’re doing something right, right? Well, then, tell her when she’s pleasing you either with a few whispered words of encouragement or simply moaning and thanking her afterwards.

– The most enjoyable of all Camille Crimson’s blowjob tips: Reciprocation! She might’ve given you a headie for the ages, but unless you’ve been attentive to her needs – use your fingers, your mouth, a toy, or make her wait her turn – it’s not likely to be a thrill repeated anytime soon. And, for chrissakes, don’t just go through the motions! Help her feel the way you felt and you’ll be well on your way to a permanent grin the envy of all men.

Dirty Dreamer – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink,

I guess I should begin by saying I’m a 35 year old woman, never married and not a professional at relationships period. I’ve always been very shy and to be honest, I was in my late 20’s before losing my virginity. I reached puberty early in life and have always had a high sex drive, but, have always used masturbation as my release. The problem with that, the fantasies I would come up with. I have a wild imagination and as the years went on, it took extreme things to really have me satisfied, even with high powered sex toys involved.  Now that I am having more dates and being more active, I’m not finding myself as turned on by the men in my bed as I can get from my own imagination, have I ruined myself?

Dirty Dreamer

Dear Dirty,

There’s nothing written in stone as to what is a suitable or acceptable age for losing your virginity, some are earlier in life than others, but thank goodness, we always are in possession of the box our cherry came from! If the world were open and honest about taboo topics, we’d probably find the majority of the population experienced their first orgasm by their own hands, and even if they find themselves in a steady relationship, marriage, whatever the case may be, there’s still something familiar, comfortable and exciting about stealing those private moments of masturbation, it’s like cumming home to an old friend.

It sounds as if even though your saturation was solo generated, it was done for a very long time, and I’m guessing frequently, so, you achieved a routine and not just an orgasm. No one knows their body like themselves, but, when you’re in the right relationship, the exploration and training sessions can be extremely stimulating. You didn’t say if your dates of late have been more of the one night stand type, or those where you’re building on something  a bit more long term, but, if you are seeing someone on a steady basis, explain to them you bloomed a bit later in life with your shared lust and you need someone to take the time to make you feel like a woman, even in the presence of a man.

If a guy truly wants to be in a relationship with you, he’ll not just see it as a challenge, but also as a portal into a deeper connection, both physically and emotionally. Share some of your taboo fantasies, while sharing pillow talk during foreplay, explain in detail the things that would turn you on like the switch of your vibrator, he’ll become more aroused and so will you by feeling as if you’re “living out” your dirty dreams. It could turn into a win/win sexual situation.

One thing to keep in mind, when you close your eyes, you can be anywhere you want to be, you’re not bound to the bed you’re sharing with your lover, or by yourself for that matter. It’s okay to fantasize even when you’re with someone, that’s all a part of human nature, just because your sexual interludes now include a partner doesn’t mean you have to shut down the erogenous zone of your brain, the two can go hand in hand nicely. Be yourself, be wild, and be honest, and if he can’t handle your physical needs for orgasm, then maybe he’s not the man for you, but luckily, as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, so toss your rod back in the water and see if you pull back a keeper. After all, with your practice, you’re already a “master-baiter!” Hang a sign on your door that says, “Gone Fishin’” and then head for the watering hole!

Dildo Theft on Pain and Gain Set

Anyone who’s ever been on the set of any reasonably sized film production, porno or otherwise, knows that theft is rampant: theft of credit, theft of ideas, theft in the form of grossly overpaid players, theft of costume items and props. On the set of Michael Bay’s bodybuilding crime hit, Pain and Gain, however, something rather unusual items failed to make it back to the prop truck after shooting: sex toys.

Talking to The Daily Beast, Bay revealed that after he spent $75,000 on a treasure trove of the sex toy industry’s greatest creations, someone or someones managed to take off with a good chunk of them. A confounded Bay explains as best he can:

“We bought $75,000 worth of sex toys to stock the sex-toy warehouse. I could have filmed the crew coming in that day because they’d stop and see these things—anatomically correct vajayjays and this butt (everyone would touch the butt because it felt real)—and it was hysterical. We were going to return all the sex toys to get three-quarters of our money back, but they started disappearing. We were like, “Who is taking the sex toys?”

One cast member not likely to be the culprit is Rebel Wilson, seen below wielding her own artificial bedroom spicer-upper, a pair of nunchaku, that she pulled out when Bay requested the sex scene they were shooting needed to be sexier. Clearly this a woman with a strong arsenal all her own.

Rebel Wilson

Personally, I’m putting my money on Peter “Where is Pancakes House?” Stormare.

Smoke My Bacon, Baby!

Your deep-frier-owning, ranch-dressing-drizzling, Mexican-Coke-preferring girlfriend has said there’s only one thing she loves more than you and it’s bacon and now you don’t know how to reignite the passion of fellatio in your relationship without feeling and smelling like a bona fide pig-fucker? Well, friend, J&D Foods has a product for you: bacon condoms. That’s right, folks, the makers of Bacon Ranch, Bacon Gravy and Bacon Shaving Cream, of bacon flavored lip balm, bacon scented roses, and even bacon sunscreen comes a rubber that’ll “make your meat look like meat”.

Bacon Condom

For those of you not throwing up your breakfast… J&D’s Bacon Condoms are made of latex but instead smell and taste of freshly sizzled rashers of fatty hog flesh. While I cannot at this time report on how these Bacon Condoms feel against human skin, they also look quite a bit like bacon given the fleshy, meaty design patterned on each, uh, unit. Like most bacon-celebrating products, demand has proven quite high for J&D’s absurd (and absurdly delicious) contraceptive product. Already out of stock after only a month on the market, Bacon Condoms can be yours if you add your name to the waiting list… or hit the supermarket for some DIY porking and poking.

Bacon flavored condoms

Bang Bros and Culioneros Mix It Up

Alyssa Branch - Bang BrosBang Bros and Culioneros have peacefully existed side-by-side since the latter’s launch in late 2011, but recent updates to both sites have been somewhat confounding. You see, Culioneros was basically set up to be the Latin Bang Bros with many sites being almost identical to ones operated by the infamous Bang Bus-driving goofball pornographers, only with the bangingest babes from Central and South America. Earlier this month, however, Culioneros saw a rather obvious spike in its occasional inclusion of North American and European talent. From the forty recently added scenes shown on the main Culioneros hub, eight scenes star Americans (Alyssa Branch, Lizz Tayler, Remy LaCroix, Kendall Karson, Rachel Roxxx, Dillion Harper, Aubrey Addams, and Ava Addams), six star Czech beauties, five feature Hungarian talent, four scenes star big-titted Japanese-British Tiger Benson, and three feature everyone’s favorite sultry French brunette, Anissa Kate. That doesn’t leave much room for those bodacious Colombian asses we’ve come to love from Culioneros, does it?

Meanwhile, apparently in reciprocation for the increasingly Americanized and anglicized nature of recent Culioneros’ updates, Bang Bros has similarly shifted its casting directives to include more women from Latin American countries, Colombia specifically. Big Tits, Round Asses and Ass Parade have both featured Colombian women in recent weeks – Natalie and Juliana in two scenes each, Rianna in one – and with the sharing of models between the two networks becoming increasingly common, there’s no reason to suspect this intercontinental babe-swapping won’t continue for a while. That’s great news if you’ve varied taste but only enough dough for one network subscription, but not so great if you’re a viewer with very, very specific requirements.