Sperm Instead of Sleep – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comMissy Pink;

I never thought I’d be complaining about frequent sex, but, I sort of am. My problem is this, my husband, for the last few years has suddenly not been in the mood through the day, before we go to bed, first thing in the morning, none of those, his erection happens in the middle of the night! Just as I’m deeply within my REM state, he’s wanting to be deeply within me, and then I cannot get back to sleep for the rest of the night once I’ve been awakened. I have asked him why the odd hour for having sex, but, he just shrugs his shoulders and says, “At least I’m keeping it at home!” I’m glad for that fact, but, multiple times a week now I’m going without enough rest, how do I change his internal clock for sex?

Sperm Instead of Sleep

Dear Friend;

Well, first of all, I have to say, it is good that your husband is “Keeping it at home” as he says, but, something tells me if he’s out past the midnight hour with his meat filled moods, it would be a bit difficult to explain not being in his own bed, if that’s the normal way of life around your home.

It’s hard to explain what brings on the notion, what turns us on one day, might not do a thing for us the next, no matter what time of the day it is. It could be his work has him exhausted, and, after a few hours of rest, he awakens refreshed and aroused. Maybe he’s snacking on something before calling it a night, creating dreams that leave him unable to turn over in bed. If you’re clad in something besides flannel, smelling particularly sweet after your nightly shower, with the application of a new body wash, the scent wafts into his dreams and he comes to wanting what smells good enough to eat. It could be all of these or none of this, there’s no pinpointing how the erogenous zone of the brain works.

You may want to consider taking some afternoon naps, or saving your housework for a third shift sort of schedule, because, if this has been going on for quite some time, the routine may not be changing quickly. Don’t hesitate in having a heart to hard-on talk with him, express that being interrupted through the night is not giving you the most pleasant of days, and, even though you appreciate the middle of the night, hardcore adventures, if he could set his alarm for a bit earlier in the evening, you’d be able to show your appreciation a bit better.

A bit of sheet saturation during the wee hours of the morning is hot, I mean, let’s face it, who doesn’t enjoy the periodic placement of manhood when most of the world is tossing and turning, only dreaming of what you’re getting, but, when that’s the only time you get to enjoy the erotica, I can understand your lack of enthusiasm.

A meeting of the minds is definitely called for in a situation such as this, let him know, as much as you enjoy getting off, it’s not as exciting knowing you’ll then be getting up.

AVN 2014: The Winners – The Men

2014 AVN Awards

While it’s usually the women standing at the podium holding a glistening phallus that get the most attention at every annual AVN Awards, the men of porn are equally congratulated on their work in and out of the hottest pussy on the planet (if you can call that work). And it wasn’t just performers who got hailed as the year’s best at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas this Saturday past, those behind the camera got their fair share of attention, too.

Continuing a string of unprecedented success stories, Axel Braun nabbed his fourth consecutive Director of the Year award while his films Man of Steel XXX: An Axel Braun Parody and Iron Man XXX: An Axel Braun took home another two trophies and proved that all of the accolades might have finally gone to Herr Direktor’s head. The closest any other director or producer came to equaling Braun’s 2013 successes wasn’t very close at all, but you’ve still got to hand it to Manuel Ferrara: he not only shot an insanely wild reverse gangbang in late fall, he polished off the season as the man behind the winners of AVN’s Best All-Sex Release (Slutty & Sluttier 18), Best Anal Series (Evil Anal), and Best Continuing Series (Slutty & Sluttier). That, of course, is in addition to his fifth Male Performer of the Year trophy.

The other stud who no doubt left Vegas more professionally gratified than ever before was Best Actor Tommy Pistol. Having taken roles in everything from Thor XXX: An Axel Braun Parody to Combat Zone’s Vagina Worship to 3rd Degree’s Young Thighs in Knee Highs, Pistol spent much of his eighth year in porn assisting in the productions of others. With Band Sluts, though, he was handed a role tailor-made for his comedic and physical talents by his director and leading lady, Joanna Angel. The Burning Angel feature sees the two gag-happiest people in porn embark on a road trip in search of “fame, fortune, and fucking,” capturing every dismal artistic failure and boner-fied sexual conquest in a hilarious rock ‘n’ roll epic. Fuck Fellini and 81/2 and The Rutles and Zelig and all that shit! Band Sluts is the only mockumentary worth watching sans pants!

AVN 2014: The Winners – The Movies

2014 AVN Awards

The biggest winners at the 2014 AVN Awards might appear to have been the men and women winning individual prizes, but porn is still a features-based industry heavily reliant on home video sales. This means any feature winning a top prize at the “Oscars of Porn” is bound to skyrocket in popularity and see its studio, director, and stars riding a wave of post-awards momentum. This year there was one movie that outshone all others, Brad Armstrong’s dark cyborg-laden fantasy, Underworld.

Starring Armstrong’s wife and Wicked contract star, Jessica Drake, Underworld didn’t just take home the big prizes (Best Drama and Movie of the Year) but saw many of its contributors honored in their respective fields. Best Supporting Actor Xander Corvus and Best Feature Director Armstrong also saw awards for Art Direction, Cinematography, Editing, Packaging, and Screenplay granted to Underworld’s crew.

Winning slightly less major awards were feature films The Submission of Emma Marx (Best BDSM Movie), Grease XXX: A Parody and Man of Steel XXX: An Axel Braun Parody (Best Parody – Comedy and Drama respectively), the Mason-directed Anikka (Best Star Showcase), The Temptation of Eve (Best Romance Release), Burning Angel’s Band Sluts (Best Comedy), Manuel Ferrara’s Evil Angel series Sluttier and Sluttier (Best Continuing Series), Marc Dorcel’s The Ingenuous (Best Foreign Release), and Evil Angel’s first Steele-directed feature, Lex Turns Evil (Best Interracial Release).

Oh, and last (and certainly least), the award for Clever Title of the Year went to Seymore Butts for Cirque du Hole-A. Oy vey.

Maddy O’Reilly Anointed Slutwoman

Maddy O'ReillyIn what can only be regarded as the career highlight (thus far) for the plucky redhead from North Carolina, Maddy O’Reilly has been anointed from on high by Elegant Angel and shall from this day forth until the culmination of her reign be called “Slutwoman”.

Taking the mantle from previous title holders Annette Schwartz and Kristina Rose, 23-year-old O’Reilly makes an already great start to 2014 even more thrilling with her Elegant Angel deal. After proving her worth at the AVN Awards with nominations for Best Actress, Best Oral Sex Scene, and Female Performer of the Year, and winning the trophy for Best Solo Sex Scene (from Not The Wizard of Oz XXX). Working with Evil Angel on her own showcase movie, in which she’ll appear in every scene and also (with Mimefeak) be co-directing the action – a first for any Slutwoman!

Of her forebears, O’Reilly said “I’ve looked up to them as performers. It’s like a new athlete being compared to his favorite player. It means the world to me. I still can’t believe it, and it’s a huge honor.” She also details what she believes to be the reasoning behind her appointment: ““I like doing romance and couples-themed movies, but I also like pushing my sexual limits. I like diversity and I’m going to bring different styles of sex to Slutwoman. I can do it all, and I enjoy doing it all.” And, following on from former her co-star and now fellow Elegant Angel director Asa Akira, she doesn’t take directing lightly, telling AVN that the job is one she thinks “should be a goal of any girl in the industry, especially if [she has] passion for it. It’s my name of the box cover and I want it to be the best.”

O’Reilly’s also mere days away from the January 29th release of her very first anal scene. Shooting two backdoor endeavors for Hard X’s Mason-directed “Maddy”, the titular star has her rear passage penetrated by the one and only Manuel Ferrara before really expanding her horizons with her James Deen and Ramon Nomar in DP debut.

Stay tuned to Mr. Pink’s for more on Maddy O’Reilly’s Slutwoman debut. In the meantime, check out the trailer for her HardX showcase, “Maddy” here and, for God’s sake, clean up after yourself.

Cheese Fucker prowls Mayfair, PA!!! Caught!! Released!

Swiss Cheese Pervert

Unless you’ve been sticking your dick in the holes found in a slice of Swiss cheese, going online to locate women who’ll watch your dairy-fed antics, and even approaching startled ladies in public in failed attempts to coax them into participating in your little pastime, I’d say your fetishes are probably under control, unlike the “Swiss-cheese Pervert” of Philadelphia’s Mayfair region.

Awareness of the alleged deviant’s activities gained ground after being posted on a Mayfair TownWatch Facebook page. Community outrage spread and more victims came forward claiming, much like Priscilla [surname redacted] who managed to snap a cell phone pic of the perp after he propositioned her, that the man intended to hire them to observe his rubbing his genitals with slices of Swiss cheese. Priscilla shared her photo of the suspect (and his cheese) with authorities and shortly after they arrested one Christopher Pagano of Norristown. Described by neighbors as “a weirdo” who “used to come outside in his underwear with no shirt,” 41-year-old Pagano was charged with stalking and harassment as well as open lewdness before being released on $30,000 bail.

To get to the bottom of all this depravity we must turn to that most revealing of adult social media sites, OkCupid, on which the lonely legions declare themselves and their various kinks and curiosities open for judgement. Contacting twenty-year-old (and curiously named) Gabby Chest of Bridesburg in 2012, Pagano is reported to have offered significant details of his sitophilia, the total of which can be viewed at PhillyMag and is best digested on an empty stomach. (Note: somewhat tellingingly, Pagano misspells “arrangement” as “arraignment”.)