R.I.P. Billy Glide: Snakebite or Otherwise

Male adult performers don’t seem to care to compare themselves and their penises to each others’. When you’re one of porn’s premiere studs, I suppose an extra inch doesn’t matter all that much. The fans that so fervently (and totally not homoerotically at all) discuss the size of porno dick usually only focus on length, even though it is reportedly girth that makes the most difference in sensation for the woman. If penile girth was included in such discussions, porn fans around the world would be very emotional right now, grieving for the loss of one of porn’s thickest and most reliable men.

Billy Glide

Billy Glide, born Tad Nolen in 1970, began his career in adult entertainment in his twenty-fifth year and promptly caused his female co-stars to quiver in excitement. It wasn’t just his impressive wang that got Glide hired by top producers for almost twenty years; his masculine charm, his intelligence, his diligent work ethic and good humor all helped earn Glide a reputation as one of porn’s “nice guys” even when co-stars cursed and resisted his engorged appendage. Reportedly passing away from an untreated rattlesnake bite, Glide was later said to have died from a suspected drug overdose on May 25th at his home in Huntington Beach, California. While the rumor mill continues to churn and personal recollections of time spent in the company of the deceased, we at Mr. Pink’s simply ask you, our devoted readers, to pay your respects to Tad Nolen in a few of his many sterling performances for Naughty America, Brazzers, and Bang Bros, as the irrepressible, the irreplaceable Billy Glide.

Madison Ivy’s Epic Anal Adventure

About a year ago, give or take five or six weeks, Brazzers announced its first ever woman to an exclusive performance contract. The name scribbled on the dotted line? Madison Ivy. A one-year contract that is apparently set to expire in mere weeks, Madison’s deal with Brazzers was to include her very first anal scene, allegedly “coming very soon.” Well, one year and a gaggle of impatient and outraged fans later, Brazzers has finally set a date for the arrival of said onscreen-anal-virginity-ditching: today!

Madison Ivy

With the highly anticipated anal debut of Madison Ivy now available for viewing, perhaps we should take a look at the reasons for the many months of delay behind this extremely highly anticipated online porn event. (The preview already has over 50,000 views!)

– As Madison notes in the announcement video below, Madison Ivy not only wrote the script for her Brazzers anal debut, she also designed the costumes and selected the talent, asking Mick Blue to do the honors on her “300-meets-Spartacus-meets-Eyes Wide Shut” set.

– A pornstar’s skin tone is very important and Madison had to deepen hers (with the help of artificial tanning techniques) from “moderate orange” (#cc9966) to “darkened moderate orange” (#996633). That takes time!

– Although totally swamped with her 2013/2014 Brazzers workload of five scenes, Madison managed to parlay her “exclusive” contract into work for other Mind Geek-owned sites and studios, shooting two Digital Playground features (Erotico 2, No Way Out) and lending her considerable talents to Twistys for a hardcore session, two masturbation scenes and one saucy girl-girl encounter.

– Ever tried to get as devoted a pothead as Ms. Ivy to get off her Spongebob-lovin’ ass and open it, as promised, for her fans? Neither have I, but I guarantee it ain’t easy and not because pot robs you of your motivation, but because it gives you a plethora of fantastic (and fantastical) reasons to keep your week-long Spongebob marathon going.

– She lives with Heather Starlet; I wouldn’t leave the house either.

Check out Madison Ivy’s first anal video sample below and witness the fantastical pornographic marvel she has created as a reward for her more patient, devoted fans. There’s enough gaudy jewelry, loin cloths, and bedazzled nail art (or are they claws?) to pawn for Detroit’s revitalization. Hell, there’s even a giant snake getting in on the action!

Sexercising with K-Y Gel

Friend, do you find yourself run down at the end of a day, heavy with weariness when you should be sliding into bed next to your dearest for a round of “rumpy pumpy”? Is vitality absent from your day long before the arrival of middle-age or late-life? Is your partner as seemingly disinterested in sexual activity as you or are you both content to let the less pressing issues slide so you can meet that work deadline, maintain that respectable bank balance, or finish planning that deck/kitchen/basement renovations that’s been on your minds of late. Perhaps it’s your addiction to digital devices that has you feeling sluggish when bedtime rolls around. Or, as posited by K-Y, makers of personal lubricants galore, perhaps you haven’t been getting enough sexercise.

As the above television and online commercial for K-Y Gel’s Argentinian market tells it, a gym in Buenos Aires collaborated with a K-Y-approved team of leading sexologists, porn performers, and personal trainers, developing an exercise program focused on developing sexual energy, stamina, prowess, and, most importantly, interest. Allegedly running for two months and guiding some 5,000 participants, the gym’s K-Y Sexercise program has an air of inauthenticity about it – this is advertising, after all – add to which my first-hand witnessing of the heightened displays of physio-sexual hyper-confidence and the generally casual attitude with which Portenos (inhabitants of Buenos Aires) approach all things except football, fashion and coffee, makes this whole to-do hard to believe.

Whatever the reality of the situation, encouraging the sexually frustrated or disinterested to use exercise to build both their libidos and their sexual skills can only be a good thing. Now, if only K-Y would co-produce an “instructional” video release that goes through all the ins-and-outs, ups-and-downs of such a workout (and the resulting super-sex) would be just grand.