This is it, folks. That most merry time of the calendar year is upon us and in this, the last Mr. Pink’s update before Saint Nick drops down our chimneys and scarfs down whatever high-fructose cookie-based treat has the fat man roaring towards Type 2 Diabetes faster than Rudolph can carry him, we’ll take a good, hard, long look at ATK Galleria, ATK Petites, ATK Hairy, and ATK Exotics. Hell, it’s an entirely ATK week here at Mr. Pink’s, where the long-standing porno purveyor sees its sites analyzed and assessed by yours truly in brand new porn reviews. Over on our blog, I reported on the haul of Christmas-themed hardcore episodes (from the usual suspect) and point to a few last minute (and mostly virtual/digital/non-physical) gifts you might want to pass along to your porno-loving pals. Stay safe, enjoy yourselves, and return here with full bellies and enough cheer to last an eon for more up-to-date porn site reviews from your ol’ pal, Mr. Pink.
Looking back a few years, Naughty America was easily the most Christmas-obsessed porn studio around, releasing as it did in 2013 a four-part Naughty Office epic that saw Madison Ivy, Brandi Love, Lexi Belle, and Veronica Avluv tear Bill Bailey apart in no short order. Recently, though, it seems NA has given Christmas the shaft, now offering fans a single holiday scene, maybe two if they’re lucky.
Brazzers, for its part, has made huge improvements over its 2013 seasonal effort – see this Pink’s post for details – and now delivers holiday horniess in a consistently intense and impressive fashion. This year is, of course, no exception. Inviting some of the most popular pornstars of today to don Santa hats and suck dick for the ZZ’s HD cameras, this year’s round of seasonal smut is delivered in four doses timed to ramp up your pre-Christmas excitement and have you aching to unwrap ZZ’s final Christmas episode on the morning of the 25th. First up, the bountiful Ava Addams put on her most Xmas-y lingerie and took to Mommy Got Boobs to wrap her immense bust around the cock of her daughter’s new boyfriend, Tyler Nixon, coaxing from his pecker a huge load of pre-dinner desert.
Those following the unrepentantly filthy Tory Lane may know she ran into a bit of trouble at LAX earlier this year and appeared to take a brief sabbatical from shooting porn as a result. If Brazzers’ latest Big Tits at Work scene is her comeback, it’s a typically Tory-style one. A bitchy boss cavalierly spending her employees’ holiday bonuses then offering her body (every single orifice) as a substitute payment, Tory is well and truly thrashed from desktop to DP by Ramon Nomar, Rico Strong, and Tommy Gunn.
Something many men no doubt wish they were receiving this gift-giving season, a Real Wife Story involving the perfect bride, is something Santa tosses twice to Levi Cash, planting under his tree a pair of Christmas miracles named Peta Jensen and Nicole Aniston. Sharing their bodies beneath the lights and tinsel, these two, also wearing Santa hats for added effect, put on a great show.
Arriving on Christmas Day and starring two of the most enticing young big-assed pornstars around, Santa’s Anal Elves sees ol’ Saint Mick Blue slide his meat-sleigh between their butt cheeks of both Jenna Ivory and Keisha Grey. Pulling Santa away from his demanding work for a moment of relaxation and excitation, Misses Ivory and Grey easily make one of the most appetizing holiday treats Brazzers has bestowed upon its members and fans in recent years. There’s no question about it: when it comes to holiday porn, Brazzers reigns supreme.
When it comes to our own individual porno preferences and tastes, a real bro knows. What I mean is, a good, close friend is likely to either know (because you’ve told them) or accurately suppose (because they know you) where on the pornographic spectrum your attention is most likely to fall. Perhaps he correctly interprets your otherwise bizarre love of Nicki Minaj as a fondness for African American women of amply curvaceous proportion. Or perhaps you’ve shared numerous stories over beers, stories about sexual misadventures, impossibly exciting partners, or total duds that left you laughing. The point is, your pals know. The real ones, anyway.
Showing your buddies that they mean the world to you can be easy-as-pie with porn on your side. Simply figure out their preferred kink or sexual curio and purchase accordingly. Me, I’ve a friend whose very specific interest is in pegging porn shot from the female POV. I will therefore be purchasing said pal a copy of Dana Vespoli’s POV Boy-Toy Adventures on DVD. Also from Evil Angel, that unquestioned haven of debauchery, comes another DVD release I’ll be slipping another friend this Christmas, a DVD that tickles his particular bone, Manuel Ferrara’s recently released Dirty Talk, which sees Megan Rain, Phoenix Marie, Romi Rain, and Kayden Kross (aka Mrs. Ferrara) spouting seductive, salacious filthy verbiage at Manny as he wields the camera much like in his Raw series. That should keep my verbally-inclined pal entertained for a while!
Not every black dude has a gigantic schlong and those not so gifted in that particular department, like a certain pal of mine (or so he’s complained), might enjoy the interracial efforts of Greg Lansky and his Blacked crew. In My First Interracial Vol. 5, Anna Morna, Sydney Cole, Kate England, and sultry redhead Gwen Stark take on the thickest, heaviest black penises in porn, moaning and cooing every inch of the way. Interracial Threesomes Vol. 2, released back in October, sees trios comprised of hot young pornstar beauties and the aforementioned black studs in various combinations. Lovers of blonde babes will be thrilled with Alli Rae and Cadence Lux as they take on Michael Williams, and brunette fans with Abella Danger and Keisha Grey’s intense working of each other and of one of the biggest dicks in porn. Dakota James, lucky little thing she is, gets two huge fellas all to herself in this Blacked issue’s final scene, one that’ll knock any interracial porn fan off his feet. (Oh, and also from Lansky is Being Riley, an all-anal adventure starring everyone’s favorite giggling fuck-toy Riley Reid at Tushy.)
For any female friends who haven’t become fed up with your preoccupation with porn, there’s always the self-pleasure staples: vibrating phalluses, dildos, buzzing button stimulators, and a whole different style of porn. If she’s into ladies, even if only onscreen and in fantasies, a GirlsWay membership should be right up her proverbial alley, while entirely hetero female friends might prefer TrenchcoatX, a “curated smut” site operated by Kayden Kross and Stoya that offers a more gender-neutral take on hardcore erotica.
These gift ideas might not occupy the biggest boxes beneath your tree, nor are they the most extravagant or trendy – for that there’s always the porn-ready Virtual Reality units Samsung Gear VR or the forthcoming Oculus Rift – but they are likely to leave a very content smile on the face of your closest, dearest, horniest friends. And isn’t that what the holiday season is really all about?