A Hex on Condoms of Old

Condoms: some folks use and love them so much they buy stock in the manufacturer while others become and remain unhappily married just to avoid using them. The latex dick sheaths are one of our most commonly used barriers against the diseases we hate to think a partner is carrying and the unwanted pregnancies that cause emotional turmoil and worse, but they’re far from perfect. Sizing issues, discomfort, breakage, leakage, even allergic reactions have all ruined the effectiveness and enjoyability of condoms for many a user and with no truly significant advances in condom design or manufacturing arriving in recent years, it looked set to remain that way.

Enter Charlie Sheen. Since revealing himself to be HIV positive in late 2015, four years after being diagnosed, Sheen has been something of an odd poster child for protecting oneself against STDs and STIs, inadvertently driving up Google searches about condom use and effectiveness when his HIV status made international headlines. Appearing in a promotional video for Lelo, makers of fine sexual aids, Sheen speaks to his status and how it changed his world. Believing infection was simply something that would never happen to him, Sheen subtly admits to irresponsible practices and hopes that he can now urge others to put up with what “may feel like five seconds of inconvenience [but] may prevent a lifetime of potential grief and suffering.” And he’s bringing a new Lelo product with him, a stark redesign of the standard condom Lelo is calling (for obvious reasons) Hex.

Lelo claims Hex, a more durable and resilient condom that also touts greater sensation, is a bold new vision of condom engineering that address the three main issues with what we’ve all been using for decades: discomfort, slippage, and breakage. The thinnest and strongest material we have, graphene, lent its hexagonal structure to the redesign, reinforcing an ultra-thing sheath of latex to an amazing degree. Although it looks a little too similar to a penile torture device under certain light, Lelo assures would-be patrons of their IndieGoGo fundraising campaign that Hex is stronger, offers an inner raised design to cut down on slippage and maximize his pleasure, and sports ultra-thin latex panels that apparently conform to the shape of the wearer. Clearly, this is aimed to be the kind of condom that could contain even Clark Kent’s eruptions!

Lelo Hex

Although Lelo’s campaign does focus largely on comfort and pleasure – which, let’s face it, should be secondary concerns for condom wearers – the issues of safety also gets quite a few boastful mentions. As it’s fitted, Hex’s structure tessellates (or conforms to changing shape without inherent structural change) around the wearer’s member for a snug and safe fit. A fit even Sheen himself claims to be enjoying these days. A fit he also urges you to try for yourself.

Wrestler. Pornstar. Chyna.

Chyna, the former WWE wrestler, actress, reality television personality, and adult performer born Joanie Laurer in 1970, died at her Redondo Beach home last Wednesday at age 46.


Upon the 2004 release of 1 Night in China, a sex tape starring Chyna and her then partner, fellow wrestler Sean Waltman (through Red Light District), professional adult interest in seeing Chyna perform heated up until she well and truly seemed to find a new post-wrestling career path. Soon given a string of feature releases to star in – Another Night in China, Backdoor to Chyna, and Chyna is Queen of the Ring – as well as doing such a great job as She-Hulk in Axel Braun’s Avengers parodies that she got her own spin-off movie, Chyna was well and truly a porno phenomenon, shooting her way from homemade anal attempts to five-wrestler in-ring gangbang battles, earning a herself legion of devoted fans and admirers along the way.

With news coming to light that Chyna’s death may have been the result of an accidental overdose of Valium and Ambien, her noted (and televised) struggles with substances again come to the fore. Her legacy, however, will surely center on her instrumental role in increasing the stature of women in one of the most machismo-afflicted sports and entertainment industries of all.

In a tribute to Chyna, WWE assembled a video compiling some of her finest moments in the ring. May I suggest a viewing quickly followed by the entirety of Chyna is Queen of the Ring, tissues by your side for tears (or whatever) should they well up and overflow in fond memory of the one and only Chyna, the Ninth Wonder of the World.

David Bowie – 1947-2016

David Bowie - 1947-2016

The recent death of musician/songwriter/actor/legend/space oddity David Bowie last week sent the music-loving world into mourning and, while the other recent rock ‘n’ roll deaths of Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister and the Eagles’ Glenn Frey also shook many of us, nobody had the effect that Bowie did. One crucial element of Bowie’s longevity and resounding influence is sexual. Declaring himself gay in 1972 then revising his identification to bisexual four years later, Bowie eventually regarded himself as a closeted heterosexual, someone who flirted with homosexuality and homoeroticism as a means of “flout[ing] moral code.” It was widely reported, however, that Bowie had an sexual affair with Mick Jagger during the late-60s and early-70s, lending a certain amount of credibility to his flirtation and identification with homosexual and bisexual culture and practice.

New York singer Ava Cherry claimed to have been the “filling” in a Bowie/Jagger “cookie” and Bowie’s first wife, Angie, famously claimed to not only have found her husband in bed with the Rolling Stones singer, but to have had one of the most blasé, indifferent reactions a wife could have: she made them breakfast. The two British singers collaborative 1985 hit ‘Dancing in the Street’ also raised questions about the truth of Bowie’s sexuality (and, less so, Jagger’s) after the pair spent a good deal of the music video’s runtime nose-to-nose writhing about in place.

Oh, and then there’s his alien penis and nipple self-tweaking habits.

David Bowie

In Nicolas Roeg’s 1976 film, ‘The Man Who Fell to Earth’ Bowie plays a humanoid alien, Thomas Jerome Newton, who seems to spend half the film devising water transportation devices and the other half stark raving naked, touching his humanoid form in front of a mirror, and, as Mr. Man (the all-male Mr. Skin) notes, “surrounds his star with at least five women who are willing to show indisputable proof of their gender.” And, hey, if you’ve ever wanted to see the bare asses, penises, and scrotes of Bowie and legendarily cantankerous actor Rip Torn in the same movie, The Man Who Fell to Earth is it! While Bowie never showed his dong on film again, his backside made another notable appearance in the 1983 vampire flick, The Hunger, in which Bowie played the blood-sucking husband of Catherine Deneuve and shed his clothes once more.

For me, however, David Bowie’s sexual influence and power was never as subversive or as powerful as in Jim Henson’s 1986 fantasy film ‘Labyrinth.’ Bowie starred as evil goblin king Jareth, known for his cruelty, his roguish charm, his extremely tight tights, and the giant package stuffed into his pants. If the ‘Labyrinth’ was never part of your early viewing, here’s what you’ve been missing: Crotch Magic.


R.I.P. David Bowie – 1947-2016