Category: Celebrities

Officially Sanctioned Spider-Porn?

Some of you no doubt know him as either The Amazing Spider-Man or yet another R-Patz clone, but Andrew Garfield has never really sparked a dot on Mr. Pink’s radar… until now. After briefly discussing porn names with journalist Matt Patches of Hollywood.com, Garfield admitted to watching Axel Braun’s recent web-slinging sex-fest, Spiderman XXX: A Porn Parody for “inspiration.” Yeah, whatever, A-Garf, like you didn’t shoot some webs of your own while ogling Brooklyn Lee’s Mary-Jane, a character who didn’t even make it into his relaunch flick.

“You can find inspiration anywhere when it comes to this character because ’cause it’s everyone’s; it belongs to everyone, porn actors, you know…” Garfield explained while continually fondling his own chin in a remarkable display of self-pleasure before following Patches’s lead into more family-friendly areas of discussion. Hey, these two instant pals can ignore the issue all they want, but if the dude playing Spider-Man is openly admitting to gleaning acting inspiration from porn, that sets a monumental precedent. Robert Downey Jr. has a long history of decadence so maybe the next Avengers movie will feature Downey’s Iron Man utilizing some less violent technological wizardry, perhaps to bed Scarlett Johansson’s Black Widow. Who knows, maybe the next movie will see my favorite female Avenger, Ms. Marvel, added to the cast and perhaps played by Battlestar Galactica’s Tricia Helfer. Throw in the ferocious humanoid-feline Tigra (Michelle Rodriguez or Eva Mendes anyone?) and you’ve got a pretty damn intense level of sexual tension running around the big 3D-outfitted cinema come Avengers 2.

So, Joss Whedon, allow me to introduce you to a little flick called The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody.

Amia’s Fame-Ass

Amia MileyThanks to the TMZ, Perez Hilton, and the endless reach of the Internet, pornstars are now much closer to mainstream celebrity than ever before. Sasha Grey, Charley Chase, Bree Olson and Jenna Haze are but a few adult performers to have recently enjoyed flirtations with the mainstream – Sasha Grey’s is unfortunately ongoing – but the latest professional fucker to find widespread media attention is a rather unlikely one: Amia Miley.

Amia Miley (also known as Amia Moretti), a 22-year-old former pornstar – yes, folks, she has apparently “retired” – has been attracting attention because of a photo allegedly tweeted by Kanye West, a photo showing a tanned, curvaceous brunette sitting naked on the edge of what appears to be a hotel bed, scarfing her some room service breakfast. Since the woman was facing away from the camera and had a rather generously proportioned derriere, most assumed the photo was of Kanye’s ladyfriend, Kim “I work really, really, really hard, you guys!” Kardashian. Then, the news broke that the ass depicted belonged not to the big-assed reality star, but to Amia, a fact she was quick to point out (and prove!) to a TMZ reporter.

With news of Amia’s retirement yet to reach many, many porn fans, it’s likely she’ll use this unexpected exposure to further a career in, well, who knows? While her excellent porn work is still filtering out onto sites like Videobox, Amia’s been busy dating Jersey Shore alum The Situation’s similarly absurdly named bro, The Unit, and posting some rather strange videos on her YouTube account. Wanna see her attempt to swallow 18 inches of spiced sausage? (It’s not as arousing as it sounds, trust me.)

Taylor & Burton, Kidman & Cruise, Lohan & Deen?

The Twitterverse was buzzing this past February because novelist and screenwriter Bret Easton Ellis had been tweeting about meetings he was having with James Deen. The adult performer. The male adult performer. The male adult performer everyone seems to adore. As reported by yours truly in a previous missive, Deen was courted by Ellis to star in a film to be directed by Paul Schrader (American Gigolo and the greatest American film you’ve likely not seen, Blue Collar), the script to which he was then in the midst of writing. Deen was to “act and be full-frontal naked banging girls and guys.” In short, the perfect role for him.

Now, four months later, another tweet from Ellis suggests that professional tabloid punching-bag Lindsay Lohan will be starring opposite Dean in the film now titled The Canyons. It stands to reason she might therefore be engaging in some rather risque activities with our big dicked guy next door.

When previously been attached to take the title role in Lovelace, Lohan’s legal troubles led the producers to instead hire everyone’s favorite busty, lily-white nymph, Amanda Seyfried. As director Schrader was quick to point out (typos and all) on the film’s official Facebook Page. nothing is yet a done deal. “Despite what may be reported elsewhere, casting on The Canyons is not quite finalized… Many wonderful young actors submitted auditions and I like to bring some of them to wider attention. Or at least the wider attention that this website provides. Paul S.” (Did he just piss on Facebook? Awesome.)

So, disregarding Schrader’s reminder, we can assume Deen is in, Lohan is in, and we’re gonna watch this most likely incredible movie on its day of release for sure, right? Right. Until then, those questioning whether Schrader can handle something as rampantly sexual as a movie written by the undisputed master of stories about promiscuous, disaffected, drug-gulping twenty-something Americans, starring the world’s most charming male pornstar, and a real-life Hollywood trainwreck, watch this clip of Karvey Keitel and Richard Pryor’s dildo fight in Blue Collar and let your doubts subside. We’re in safe hands here.

Suze in the Afternoon

It’s not often that the worlds of pornography and intelligent, arthouse cinematic fare cross paths, but one particular French film of the ’70s played a small but crucial role in the development of one of porn’s most enduring talents.

Suze Randall

The blonde woman in the above image from Eric Rohmer’s 1972 masterpiece Love in the Afternoon is none other than famed pornographer Suze Randall. Born in Worcestershire, England in 1946, Randall started her professional life as a nurse but soon turned to fashion modeling and taking erotic photos of her model friends in her spare time. In 1972 Randall landed a role in the newest film from Rohmer, a French critic, novelist, and filmmaker who had found international recognition three years earlier with his Academy Award nominated film, My Night at Maude’s. In the film, Randall plays the au pair of bourgeois couple in the midst of a crisis of fidelity – for the husband Frederic at least. Randall’s character, of course, makes things even more difficult for Frederic by waltzing around sans clothing as she prepares for a day caring for his family.

So, yes, for those with a question they’ve been dying to ask, Suze Randall does appear nude in Love in the Afternoon. And, no, I’m not going to show you. For that (and a profound meditation on fidelity, morality, and manipulation) you’re just going to have to buy, rent, or steal a copy of Love in the Afternoon and see it for yourself. (Well, either that or… Mr. Skin?)

As more and more adult entertainment companies strive to reach viewers in a more “cinematic” way, it’s good to remember that there are trailblazing cross-over successes like Suze Randall still churning out great work. Suze Randall’s work can, of course, be seen at her website, Suze.net.