Phil Varone Returns to Rock

Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee dabbled in porn and so did Snoop Dogg, Ice-T, and Evan Seinfeld of hardcore legends Biohazard. Hell, Seinfeld even adopted the nom de porn ‘Spyder Jonez’ after marrying Tera Patrick and shooting a whole bunch of smut together. Recently putting Seinfeld’s nepotistic endeavors to shame, though, has been former Saigon Kick drummer Phil Varone, who just days ago announced his decision to ditch porn for the pure unadulterated carnal thrust of rock and roll!

Phil Varone Twitter

A noted lothario and admitted swinger, Varone started documenting his on-the-road exploits in an official capacity with the 2011 Vivid Video release of ‘Phil Varone’s Secret Sex Stash,’ a “celebrity sex tape” that merely set the scene for Varone’s futher ventures into the world of porn production. In 2014 Varone even managed to win an AVN Award, Best Amateur Release for ‘100% Real Swingers: Meet the Rileys,’ just one title in a series that saw him expose the seedy partner-sharing underbelly of America as well as the secret swinging lifestyle of then porno it-girl Siri. Varone also entered the erotic novelties game with Dr. Philgood, a dildo molded from his own penis by Cal Exotics that even bares the penile piercing the drummer has slid into the snatches of groupies, swingers, amateur harlots, and pornstars like Siri but will now keep off-screen.

Varone’s keeping his exact reasons for leaving porn to himself, simply telling fans that he encountered enough douchebaggery in the industry to convince him drumming for hard rock bands is more his thing. Varone’s also retiring his talent agency, The V Agency, telling media “I have always offered my talent a very high level of personalized service, but returning to music and my other projects going on have made this very hard.” (Check out Phil’s Facebook page for more, dirtier revelations or, if you’re patient, you can order the man’s memoir, Un-Philtered or wait for his next, apparently being worked on as we speak.

Look, Phil, no hard feelings but if you’re out of porn I’ll also have to move on and find another stereotypical hard rocker through which to vicariously live my dreams of banging groupies, doing coke off of brand-new shiny hi-hats, and trying some grannies on for size (although that last part might’ve been a Phil Varone specialty).

So, paging Mr. Joshua Todd of Buckcherry…. Josh Todd of Buckcherry, would you please make some porno?

Dogfart’s Political Parodies Trump All

Prominent interracial hardcore network network and purveyors of aggressive racially-charged blowbangs, cuckold scenes, and epic “takedowns” of white girls by black guys, black girls by white guys, and black and white girls by each other, the impossibly stupidly named Dogfart Network might still be shaking off its poor choice of handle, but it has a very special ace up its sleeve, an ace that had seemingly gone the way of the dodo and Ford Edsel: absurdist interracial political parody!

dogfart's trumped

Targeting noted resort and casino magnate, reality television star, anti-immigration campaigner, and current candidate for the Republican nomination for President of the United States of America, one Mr. Donald J. Trump for its latest politically-themed parody, Megyn gets Trumped. Shot for Blacks on Blondes and made live August 18th, twelve days after the first Republican debate took place in Cleveland and ignited a feud between candidate Trump and moderator and Fox News pundit (and conservative babe) Megyn Kelly after Kelly asked Trump about previously made statements disparaging women’s appearances. After a stern back-and-forth that not only increased Trump’s profile and popularity, but the outrage directed at him by many left-leaners and women, the battle was well and truly established, with both parties taking to social media to vent their frustrations. Where many would’ve crumbled, Kelly stood her ground, reportedly saying “It’s okay, I’m a big girl, I can take it.” And take it she did.

Dogfart’s epic Megyn Gets Trumped not only see James Bartholet playing the real-estate tycoon but the remarkable Cherie DeVille in the role of Ms. Kelly. Always straight to the point, “The Donald” brings in two hung-as-fuck black bulls to prove to his new (and very foxy) nemesis that, as he implied during the debate, women are best on their knees. Avoiding another verbal assault from Kelly, this time in the green room, The Donald stands back and watches as Kelly loses control and opens herself up for a slamming more aggressive than any thrown her way by Trump-supporters post-debate. Although I’m glad Dogfart is getting in early with the first notable parody of the 2016 presidential election campaign season, but I can’t help but anticipate the next phase of parodies. Will Barack leave Hillary a stiff, black, vibrating replica of himself in the Oval Office? Will Democratic hopeful Bernie Sanders invite rumored running mate Elizabeth Warren over for a chat, provide her with free contraception, assure her of pay equal to an equivalent man, then ask her to prove her dedication to achieving racial harmony by draining the balls of fifteen or twenty black guys? Dear Gods of Dogfart, please hear my prayer!

Joanna & BA Enter the MMA Parody Fray

ronda arouseme

Burning Angel’s head honcho, Joanna Angel, is known not only for her hardcore performances and heavily modified physique, but also for her deft handling of pop-culture properties many other pornographers would simply dismiss as too unsexy or unfilmable to bother trying to turn into a sexy onscreen romp. After tackling the Grinch, The Addams Family, The Jason Ellis Show, The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Z-grade alien movies, and Evil Dead, it’s clear Ms. Angel and co. can turn any subject into hilarious and incredibly sexy It was only a matter of time, then, before the infamous director lent her hand to one of America’s favorite (and most brutal) pastimes: mixed martial arts or MMA, specifically the remarkable achievements of undefeated UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion of the world, ‘Rowdy’ Ronda Rousey.

Casting fan-favorite mainstream crossover sensation Kleio Valentien as the 28-year-old Olympic medal winner and current world number one, Angel found a fighting fit champ all her own who could easily square up against any other woman in the business. For the flick she’s calling Ronda ArouseMe, Angel also cast Arabelle Raphael, Derrick Pierce, Moe “The Monster” Johnson, and Sammie Sixx in the crucial role of Rousey’s early rival “Miesha Taint” (as in Tate). And word, it seems, has been getting around. Not only has Angel’s upcoming parody been previewed in mainstream press publications NY Daily News, Toronto Sun, Complex, AskMen, and Daily Dot, but Ms. Angel was interviewed personally by TMZ Sports about the production’s origins and the fight-inspired moves learned by the cast in training.

Later speaking to AVN, Angel said she was overwhelmed by the attention. “It’s been so exciting. I think all of Ronda’s fans—and all of Kleio’s fans—will love this movie. I’m trying to get it edited as soon as possible so everyone can see it. It will premiere on in the near future.” Hey, Joanna, don’t get me wrong, I’m loving your recent Burning Angel efforts (Making the Band and Uber Mistake especially), but this next super-graphic, boundary-pushing porno epic really can’t come soon enough – and I’m not even a fight fan!

Until Ronda ArouseMe sees release via Burning Angel, you’ll find teases and previews all over Joanna and Kleio’s Twitter and Instagram feeds, which is where I found this image, just a little something to send every sport-bra-lover into a state of drooling incoherence. Have fun!