Jessie Andrews First Annual Assfucking

Jessie Andrews

Jessie Andrews doesn’t do things the conventional way. After flitting around LA and entering porn (earning herself an AVN Best Actress Award in the process), Andrews took an odd left turn and launched her own jewelry line called Bagatiba, started booking DJing gigs, and appeared in the video for Borgore’s track ‘Decisions‘ with her new pal Miley Cyrus. So, when Andrews recently announced her upcoming anal debut, a slightly unusual approach was to be expected.

Maddy O’Reilly threw porn fans into a tizzy when ‘Maddy,’ the HardX feature holding her anal debut, was released after much pomp and circumstance, only to shoot anal scenes almost immediately after ‘Maddy’s’ release for Jules Jordan, Evil Angel, Devil’s Film, and Ass Factory. Ms. O’Reilly can now be seen having her butt banged on most major hardcore networks of note, but that won’t be the case for Jessie Andrews. Signing a unique deal with Girlfriends Films, Andrews is set to start in The Gardner and will be performing her first ever anal intercourse scene in the picture. The unique element of the deal? Andrews is contractually prevented from performing another anal scene until at least one year after The Gardner’s September 2014 release. Marveling at his coup, director B. Skow told AVN he thought it was the script, not the anal itself, that made Andrews so passionate about the project that she’d surrender her chance for a huge post-anal-debut payday. The script, inspired by the handful of long-term abduction, imprisonment, and sexual abuse cases recently uncovered in the US, continues Skow’s fascinating psychological porn dramas and was, the director felt, a good fit for the multi-talented starlet.

“When we finished the script I really wanted Jessie for the main role of the kidnapped girl,” Skow said. “It was also important to have the main character do anal because I really wanted to show how she was mentally tortured. Jessie had never done anal and I brought the project to her and she liked the idea of doing anal for the first time in a feature, so we made it happen.”

Jessie Andrews can be found on Twitter and will make her anal debut for Girlfriends Films ‘The Gardner’ in September.

Can’t Keep a Danish Nympho Down

Plenty of those working in the adult industry have found themselves up against YouTube’s posted Community Guidelines for posting content deemed inappropriate and unwelcome, too sexually provocative for a general audience. Self-shot pornstar vlogs and adult movie trailers alike have been taken offline after being reported by more conservative users, but movies with worldwide cinema distribution deals have largely been left to flourish in the most expansive marketing tool the industry has ever seen. Until now.

Lars Von Trier

For those unaware, that’s Danish cinema provocateur Lars Von Trier, whose next film’s trailer was recently unleashed upon a global cinema culture wet with anticipation. Then, rather unceremoniously, it was pulled from YouTube, the most visible (and vital) viral video site (and promotional tool) in history. Thankfully, YouTube isn’t the only game in town, leaving Vimeo, Onion’s A.V. Club, and numerous other outlets to run the highly explicit, defiantly NSFW trailer uncensored. And, surpassing most expectations (at least the more puerile ones) and following on from a series of orgasmically evocative character posters, the trailer’s loaded with explicit imagery that should persuade you to ignore the more intolerable heart-wrenching films of Von Trier’s past and at least give Nymphomaniac, which is reported to run 5½ hours in its full cut, a devoted fast-forwarding.

For the trainspotters out there that still need to be convinced to check out the trailer, here’s a brief rundown of the carnally adventurous treasures it contains:

– Graphic (if brief) shot of labia in repose.
– Charlotte Gainsbourg crawling naked, sucking dick, and fucking on a hospital bed.
– … and beaten black and blue.
– A proposed virginity-shedding.
– Uma Thurman referring to a “Whoring bed,” before screaming her lungs out.
– A bare-assed caning, complete with instructions and corrections.
– Stacy Martin wiping what appears to be ejaculate from her lip and breathing “Wow.”
– Shia LaBeouf licking a nipple.
– Some crying.
– A few pretentious lines of voiceover.
– and Rammstein.

Nymphomaniac, in its truncated form, is set a Dec. 25 US release. Learn more at the official website and, for now at least, just watch the damn trailer!

Nymphomaniac Official Trailer from Zentropa on Vimeo.

Pix-and-Out for UK Cricketer

Professional athletes are always getting into trouble of a risque nature. In fact, 27 NFL players have been arrested since February’s Super Bowl XLVII for everything from DUI and carrying a concealed weapon to abuse and murder. While the athletes of Great Britain thankfully seem to be abstaining from the more reprehensible violent crimes, they’re hardly immune to behavioral slip-ups. One athlete in particular, Gareth Young of the Derbyshire County Cricket League, has just received an inordinately lengthy ban for what started as a rather stupid joke, but a joke nonetheless.

Young, who tweets as @Youngy10, allegedly posted an explicit image poking fun at League champions, Swarkestone, an image that saw him strung up before a disciplinary hearing. The result?

Not one to take his punishment for allegedly posting a photo of an erect penis lying down, “Youngy” took to Twitter to vent his frustration, gather support, and jump the “Keep Calm…” meme-wagon.

keep calm and pray for gareth

But instead of waiting out the duration of his punishment, Youngy decided the garden was where his future lay, not the pitch or the boudoir.

So, good luck on your future endeavors, Youngy, and may you keep on roaring and raging for free speech and juvenile, borderline-homophobic humor long into your retirement. Enjoy your gardening, but be careful, ’cause even a little backyard bat-and-ball action could have you in even deeper water.

Meet Mr. Man and his Celebrity Friends

Mr. Man

Since the waning days of the 20th Century, Mr. Skin has been cataloguing the appearance of female nudity in feature movies and television shows whether mainstream, cult, classic, foreign, or contemporary. Mr. Skin’s smiling visage has been seen and discussed on the radio shows of Howard Stern, Tom Leykis, and Adam Corolla and the site was even a plot-point in Judd Apatow’s 2007 comedy smash Knocked Up. With the website now receiving seven million visitors monthly, what frontier could possibly be left to conquer for this, the most talked about celebrity nude publication of all time.

In a word? Men.

Alexander Skarsgård, Johnny Depp, Matt Damon… These are the Hollywood hunks your girlfriend (and probably mother) get all gooey over, and while they’ve certainly bared their bodies in various ways throughout their careers, those fond of ogling the male form have had to resort to all-night marathon viewing sessions of dozens of movies, many of them ultimately forgettable, just to see said hunky forms for themselves. No longer! Doing for male celebs what Mr. Skin did for females, Mr. Man recently opened its doors to members and curious onlookers both. But, as the tour pages and promos say, “Members see every last inch.”

From Ewan McGregor’s full frontal appearance in Velvet Goldmine to a playlist entitled 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon (and teased with a pic of his taut buns); from the twinky early photoshoots of Joseph Gordon-Levitt to macho-man Mark Wahlberg’s half-dozen nude scenes in everything from Boogie Nights (natch) to The Corruptor; Mr. Man has every drool-worthy display of celebrity man-meat you desire… and, quite frankly, a few you probably don’t. (Ray Wise, anyone? Anyone?)

Vivid Live to Open in Miami

Vivid Live Miami

Vivid Entertainment has been pushing even further into the mainstream media of late, thanks in part to the company’s continued devotion to releasing celebrity sex tapes. Now the LA-based adult entertainment empire is launching a new endeavor: a 30,000 square foot Miami nightclub that’s due to open the weekend of September 13th.

According to the Miami New Times, Vivid Live is an upscale gentleman’s club that includes 22 VIP suites, four “extra-exclusive luxury suites” (whatever they are), a cutting-edge sound system, 20-foot-projector screens, and 40 HD plasma TVs showing every sporting event imaginable. (Though why you’d visit a strip club for fight night is beyond me.) Smashing the proverbial champagne bottle on this new Vivid endeavor is none other than pornstar-denier Farrah Abraham of MTV’s Teen Mom and best-selling Vivid sex tape ‘Farrah Abraham: Backdoor Teen Mom’, who hosts the opening night party (and complimentary seafood feast). The following night sees another two sex tape stars take up hosting duties: Myla Sinanaj (former girlfriend of NBA star Kris Humphries and rival of Kim Kardashian) and Sydney Leathers, “cyber-mistress” of New York City mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner. Those with a professional connection to the club – including press, VIPs, and industry affiliates – are clearly winning, though, as their September 12th invitation-only event is set to be hosted by none other than Tera Patrick.

Those behind Vivid Live are still looking for female talent to work their magic onstage in a “safe and friendly upscale atmosphere”. So, lusty ladies of Miami, polish off your pom poms for that saucy cheerleader routine and show the world’s leading adult studio why you deserve a moment in the spotlight.

And, guys, be sure to visit the club’s official website to RSVP for complimentary opening weekend admission. Spots are sure to fill up fast, so act quickly or you’ll be left watching the big fight at a local bar with no jiggling titties or flying dollar bills in sight.