Mr. Pink’s Annual Halloween Porn Report: Brazzers’ Dark Reign!

Brazzers

Every year porn studios, sites, and networks clamor to conceive and shoot the most original and most thrilling Halloween porn scene. This year, however, it’s barely even a competition. As outlined in my previous blog, the scant offerings from the pornosphere this year will no doubt leave many looking for a porn site as devoted to Halloween as they themselves are. That site, dear bleeder, is a network: Brazzers.

Kleio Valentein

Having already blogged about Brazzers’ exclusive Halloween series, American Whore Story earlier this month, it’s safe to assume readers and Brazzers fans both do not require an explanation of the (quite frankly idiotic and convoluted) plot. Instead let’s pick up where we left off with episodes four now online and featuring Kleio Valentien in a wild outdoor pussy-pounding by campfire. The climax of the story – you guys care about story, right? – is due for release on October 31st and stars everyone’s favorite queen of decadence, Bonnie Rotten! Finding himself alone with the otherworldly Ms. Rotten, who wears only Japanese shibari bondage ropes, Danny D, on the run from specters and ghouls, heads straight for her asshole and sends her squirting around a hotel room until it’s his turn to explode.

bonnie rotten

Now, you’d think one five-part series would be enough for Brazzers this Halloween, but the ZZ crew has been pumping out scarily sexy themed episodes since early October. First up was Carter’s Too Old for Trick or Treating, a Teens Like it Big scene starring Carter Cruise, Chanel Preston, and Keiran Lee and sees the young blonde ensnared by by her elders and thoroughly devastated orally, vaginally, and anally after ditching most of her leather outfit.

carter cruise

I’ve heard porn fans refer to Audrey Bitoni as a plasticized doll, but never as the creation of Dr. Frankenslut! A barbaric piecemeal superslut created by the mad scientist, Audrey wakes from her slumber and immediately desires cock. Good thing the doc’s assistant, Mick Blue is around and erect, then.

audrey bitoni frankenslut

Spoofing hit movie Paranormal Activity, Brazzers Extra sees the debut of British frizzy-haired ex-mainstream model Aruba Jasmine. With her boyfriend Ryan Rider, Aruba wants to make a sordid sex tape. The spirits inhabiting their house, however, object and make the homemade production a nightmare for the couple. But who’s this other British couple watching Aruba and Ryan try to get it on without the ghosts interrupting, a task at which they ultimately fail. Are they gonna try to fuck, too…?

aruba jackson

Released just three days before Halloween, part one of Baby Got Boobs’ World War XXX sees Corinna Blake and her stepbrother Jessy Jones courting their parents outrage by fucking on the sofa. There’s a plague going ’round, though, and it’s headed their way. Will Jessy paint his step-sis’s face before they’re both turned into… whatever the fuck these horrific looking humanoid creatures are! We’ll find out what happens to the fairer of the pair in part two, released October 29, as Corinna, now on the run, encounters fellow post-apocalyptic warrior, Johnny Sins and joins him for some much needed R-and-R (Brazzers-style, of course).

corrina blake

A pair of standalone episodes round out this year’s Halloween offerings from Brazzers, Big Tits in Uniform’s Sexy Halloween and MILFs Like it Big’s Weremilf. The latter scene introduces us to an substantially different Diamond Jackson. When a full moon shines down on her, Ms. Jackson develops an insatiable hunger for human penis. Luckily (for her), she finds Brick Danger nearby and ravenous devours him. Sexy Halloween is a little more sedate, though, and sees Richelle Ryan eager to enjoy her Halloween party as it’s the one night she can dress like an outright sexual deviant and get away with it. That is if “getting away with it” includes being pulled from her barely-there prison stripes and fucked hard by Mick Blue.

diamond jackson weremilf

Be sure to eat something more nutritious than a bucketload of candy when you’re celebrating spooks and specters this year. With all this incredible seasonal smut from Brazzers, you’re gonna need to be in peak condition to, uh, “enjoy” them all before Thanksgiving arrives.

world war xxx

Sincerely, from all of us at Mr. Pink’s, have a killer Halloween, Samhain, Allhallowtide, All Hallows’ Eve, All Saint’s Day, Totensonntag, Hop-tu-Naa, Calan Gaeaf, Allantide, Dia de los Muertos, Reformation Day, or whatever-the-fuck esoteric feast or festival you choose to celebrate come October’s end.

Mr. Pink’s Annual Halloween Porn Report: The Contenders

Finally, it’s (almost) Halloween! The most heavily costumed night of the year has arrived and you know what that means: a big ol’ bunch of Halloween porn has arrived to creep you out (a little) and turn you on (a lot) with costumed performers and spooky scenarios. As usual, the masters of big-budget high-concept porn, Brazzers, has gone hog wild with this particular holiday. So much so that I’m forced to leave all Brazzers Halloween scenes out of this here blog, Mr. Pink’s Annual Halloween Porn Report for 2014! (Don’t worry, guys and ghouls, a dedicated Brazzers Halloween blog is just around the corner!) So, without further ado, let’s take a look at what you’ll be watching as harvest season winds down and the darker end of the year creeps in.

 halloween porn

Itty-bitty blonde teen Maddy Rose briefly appears in Tiny4K’s Halloween debut, appropriately entitled Trick or Treat. Dressed as Red Riding Hood, Maddy crawls over to her unidentified dude’s instantly-stiff dick to give him a special treat. From the same folks behind Tinky4K comes another trio of Halloween-themed hardcore scenes: Passion HD sees Gianna Nicole barely covering herself in a super-skimpy nurses outfit before being fucked on the kitchen counter in Halloween Adult Party; at POVD Ali Rae very, very briefly wears some kind of football outfit preparing for the big night ahead in Halloween Morning, but she’s soon distracted by cock; Kendra Lust stars as a lusty, cougar-costumed MILF in the best of this bunch, Pure Mature’s Make Her Purr.

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Over at Team Skeet, Jada Stevens and Cassidy Banks have gotten all dolled up as a slinky black feline and a bra-bursting cop, respectively. Jada laps milk from a saucer then welcomes the attention of her fiercely erect fella in That’s a Good Kitty for Teen Curves. Titty Attack’s Not Your Average Cop sees Cassidy (sorry, “Officer Banks”) seize some guy’s weed stash before finding something far more interesting in his jeans.

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Much to my disappointment, it seems few major porn networks and sites are bothering with Halloween-themed porn this year. I’d almost given up on my search, believing Brazzers to have finally knocked out their seasonal competition, when I found what is arguably this year’s single most decadent and depraved Halloween porn production: intense bondage site Sexually Broken’s incredible crucifixion scene starring hard-bodied MILF babe, Darling. Starting out with a large pumpkin on her head, her face replaced by its carved expression, Darling hangs on a cross, her breasts tied tight and turning a deep purple-pink. Darling is soon hauled inside where the pumpkin head comes off and she’s subjected to brutal fucking in all three holes. This leaves her cumming and gushing hard, heading straight for subspace (and your hard drive).

sexually broken

As I mentioned above, these are the more significant Halloween-themed efforts from top-rated porn sites and networks, but there’s one company that blows away the competition year after year when it comes to smutty Halloween treats. That company is Brazzers, where you’ll find an incredible set of seven exclusive hardcore Halloween romps, in addition to a five-part epic entitled American Whore Story. Keep your peepers peeled on this here blog for a full rundown of what the infamous ZZ is offering this Halloween season and, as always, keep it spooky!

Problem Plug Erected in Paris

Many Parisians are outraged over the latest sculpture to be erected in public view. Standing 24ft above the Place Vendrome in the French capital, ‘Tree’ by American artist Paul McCarthy has raised eyebrows for its startling similarity to not a traditional Christmas tree it is said to represent, but an thick green butt-plug.

butt plug tree
Paul McCarthy, Tree (2014) previous to Friday’s vandalism Via: @HauserWirth on Twitter

McCarthy, something of an art world provocateur, created the piece for Foire International d’Art Contemporain (FIAC), an exhibition running in Paris until the end of October, in the hopes that it’d be accepted, even enjoyed by the allegedly sexually liberal French. Placed adjacent to the Vendrome Column, a monument erected by Emperor Napoleon after defeating the Roman army at the Battle of Austerlitz in 1805. Many Parisians failed to find McCarthy’s irreverence amusing and instead of ignoring the piece for the duration of its exhibition, took to vandalism to make their point.

butt plug tree paris
Martin Bureau / AFP / Getty Images

Severing the ropes that held ‘Tree’ upright, outraged Parisian vandals cut the offending object down to size, leaving it lifeless and deflated, flaccid even, in the city square before eventually being removed by organizers. McCarthy has fired back at his attackers – an irate Frenchman struck McCarthy in the head multiple times at the piece’s unveiling – in a statement made to artnet News: “Instead of the piece being about a discussion about how objects exist as language with layers of meaning, a violent reaction occurred. I am not interested in the possibility of such confrontation and physical violence, or continuing to put those around the object at risk.”

Unfortunately, though, ‘Tree’ doesn’t seem to speak to cases of sexual violence perpetrated against those still, in the year of your chosen deity 2014, find themselves persecuted simply for being more sexually interesting (read: positively perverted) than their decriers, instead drawing much attention to McCarthy’s fecally-reminiscent Parisian exhibition, Chocolate Factory, opening Saturday at Monnaie de Paris. What a wasted opportunity.

Fleshlights Full of Cash in L.A.

Simple Pickup, a company founded by a few guys eager to prove their ‘game’, aims to provide information and education to sexually frustrated guys in an effort to help them conquer their inhibitions and become that lady-killing ultra-player they’ve always dreamed about. So successful is Simple Pickup that a Change.org petition started by Stop Street Harassment has already garnered 30,000 digital signatures and demands an immediate end to what they see as blatant sexual harassment. Apparently, though, Fleshlight, makers of the best-selling masturbation aid for men, saw Simple Pickup as a great promotional opportunity and gave the three guys behind the service $10,000 to create a promo video for their product.

Instead of investing the ten grand in their production budget, the Simple Pickup dudes decided to stuff genuine US currency into the soft, pliable openings of some 200 Fleshlights and scatter them throughout Los Angeles. Giving out clues via their Twitter and Facebook pages after announcing the find-a-hole contest on YouTube, the guys will keep hinting towards the location of the Fleshlights before finally revealing it in full this Saturday. So far, three clues have been unveiled and the broke and horny of LA are running around with an empty duffel bag over their shoulders.

SimplePickup Fleshlights

“So what, I’m not in LA,” you say, “Why do I give a shit about this giveaway thing?” Well, pal, ’cause the SimplePickups chuds vowed to unleash their hidden Fleshlight bonanza in another city if their announcement video reached 50,000 views – it currently sits at 285,000 views, so your city could be next to have molded vaginas hidden among its beaches and barrooms, its malls, its parks, even perhaps its adult variety emporiums. Follow the clues with #FleshCash and good huntin’, pals!

Boob Aid

So, untold buckets of ice-water have been dumped on the heads of celebrities and nobodies alike but there’s millions of people out there who still don’t know what the fuck an ALS even is! Clearly, that Lou Gehrig guy, sick though he may be, is going about raising awareness the absolute wrong way. Clearly he should be groping Japanese women’s breasts on television.

boob aid

Unofficially dubbed ‘Boob Aid’ by its fans and sticking by its motto “Making a social contribution while enjoying the erotic,” a charity event organized by Stop!AIDS and broadcast on Sky Perfect TV ran for 24 straight hours and featured little more than a dozen Japanese pornstars lining up and inviting fans to grope and fondle their breasts. The only catch, only those donating money to the campaign could cop a feel. Boob Aid aimed to raise funds and awareness for Japan’s AIDS sufferers and to promote safe sex practices aimed at prevention further transmission of the virus, which currently affects approximately 8,100 Japanese.

Adult star Rina Serina spoke to Tokyo Sports newspaper prior to the event, saying “I’m really looking forward to lots of people fondling my boobs. I never thought my boobs could contribute to society.” Iku Sakuragi, another performer baring her breasts for AIDS sufferers, added “It’s for charity. Squeeze them, donate money. Let’s be happy!” Can’t argue with that, can ya? In any case, the 2,000 attendees couldn’t argue with such a worthy cause and novel promotion, flocking to the event and laying their hands on twelve pairs of pornstar breasts.

See footage from last year’s event below and, please, before you try your hand at starting a charity fund-raising event or (God forbid) meme, do try to incorporate nudity to an excessive degree.