Mythical Tri-Boob Spotted in FL

The Arnold Schwarzenegger sci-fi vehicle Total Recall was released in 1990 and remade in 2012 and both movies feature the brief appearance of a woman with three breasts, an alien creature hell bent on being fondled by a three-handed man (or maybe three one-handed men). Although Kaitlyn Leeb (the actress playing the role in director Les Wiseman’s 2012 remake) courted controversy when she wandered around San Diego Comic Con with her three fake tits almost completely exposed, it took a full 14 years for someone to take such strong inspiration from the three-boobed woman that she’d attach a third breast to her own chest, going through 50 plastic surgeons before finally finding one who’d agree to the absurd procedure. The kicker, though, is that Florida massage therapist Jasmine Tridevil claims to have opted for a third breast to make herself “unattractive to men”.

toal recall 3 tits

Clearly not thinking her body modification nor the motivation behind it through very thoroughly, Tridevil seems to have forgotten that heterosexual men will do almost anything for access to a pleasing pair of breasts. For three, why, they’d attempt to colonize Mars singlehandedly. How she hopes to shirk male attention is… well… they’re fake. Obviously.

Jasmine Tridevil

Aside from videos showing off her new rack in a tri-kini, answering questions from interested parties, and claiming that the unemployed are jobless by choice alone, Tridevil’s YouTube channel fails to provide any evidence to support her claims of authentic third-boobery. What does appear, though, are links to news items refuting her claims and the following interview with Tampa’s WTSP:

I suppose we’ll find out the truth when Tridevil’s self-produced reality show is eventually picked up by MTV (which she seems convinced will happen any day now). Episode six allegedly contains footage of the “star” walking along a beach in the same tri-kini she modeled in multiple YouTube videos as well as on WTSP News, when she told reporter Charles Billi she’s willing to do anything to become famous. While Tridevil’s new appendage may remain under suspicion, she’ll have her chance to tell the whole truth when (or better said, if) her show hits TV screens everywhere.

Dining with Dicks in Taiwan

Of the many reasons to visit Taiwan – suncake pastries and incredible hot pot; more than 15,000 glorious temples; the incredible Taroko National Park – eating a bowl of rice in the shape of a cock ‘n’ balls probably wasn’t high on your list. Thanks to a recent addition to Taiwan’s theme restaurant industry, though, that’s all about to change.

Funny Sex, located in Lingya District in Taiwan’s second largest city, Khaosiung, caters to a clientele more sexually liberated than your average diner and does so with a touch of the absurd. From the outside, it appears a restaurant like any other, but once you’ve ascended the drab stairway and taken a seat, the erotic elements start to make themselves known. Menus offer informative tidbits about the sex habits and genital measurements of different countries, as well as a plethora of sexually charged dishes. As detailed by Jamie Fullerton of Munchies, the dishes on Funny Sex’s menu aren’t necessarily inspired by sex, but their presentation most certainly is. Take a look at this chocolate pudding:
chocolate pudding penis

And this soup bowl:
tittybowl

At Funny Sex, it seems everything edible is penis shaped or housed in a firm (perhaps too firm) pair of breasts. And if the food doesn’t interest you all that much, there’s giant wooden phalluses to ride, blow-up dolls in bondage restraints, and real dolls that can accompany lone diners. Truly, Taiwan’s Funny Sex restaurant is doing the lord’s satan’s Dionysus’s work.

Burning Angel’s Pale Girls

Burning Angel

Sitting in the back of the bus on a school trip during the most sexually interested (and therefore frustrated) years of high school, a female classmate asked me what I found attractive in or on a woman. Not wanting to offend present company, I hesitated. Pressing me for an answer (and lest I be declared unwaveringly homosexual), I started rattling off a list of things about the opposite sex that appealed to me. “Wit, intelligence, brown eyes, pale skin…” I was immediately interrupted and declared a roaring racist simply because I expressed a fondness for women with a ghostly pallor. Had my classmate let me finish, she would’ve learned that, not only was I not a white supremacist, I was basically down to fuck as many wildly different women as possible, her (a freckled Episcopalian redhead) included. Leave it to counter-cultural porno icon Joanna Angel to avenge what I saw as the grossest misidentification of a supposed racist than Elvis Costello’s drunken barroom insult of Ray Charles.

Vera DrakeBurning Angel’s latest full-length hardcore endeavor, entitled Pale Girls, stars five melanin-deficient alt.pornstars and five of the most solid male performers in the business in scenes of wild, aggressive release. While the men (Mick Blue, Mr. Pete, Tomrry Pistol, Erik Everhard, Mark Wood) remain largely tattoo- and piercing-free, the ladies – Severin Graves, Madison Moon, Mabel, Draven Starr, and newcomer Vera Drake – not only bare their smooth, milky-white skin but prove it to be the perfect canvas for the dark, even disturbing tattoos for which the Burning Angel girls have become known.

The Joanna Angel-directed Pale Girls has yet to be given a street date, but all performers are featured on the Burning Angel website in scenes that may or may not make the final DVD cut (which also includes a BTS video, photo galleries, and trailers).

Burning Angel: fightin’ for (really white) whiteys since ’02.

Pubic Hair Sprouts Back

Bush Vol 1

According to The New York Times, the decade-long trend of bald (or at least largely shaven) female pubes has turned around of late with more and more women opting for a more natural, “fuller” look. Citing advice from actress (and now author) Cameron Diaz, quotes from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Iron Man 3 press junket interviews, a Lady Gaga photoshoot and the continued career of reluctant pubic groomer and actress Abby Hoffman, NYT writer Marisa Meltzer makes the claim that the Brazilian and High Bikini waxes are on the way out in US cities from New York to Portland, OR, but seems to neglect one source of pubic pop-culture factoids: pornography.

Take a gander through the ranks of porn’s brightest young starlets and you’ll see plenty of bush on the likes of Riley Reid, Holly Michaels, Dani Daniels, and Chastity Lynn. In fact, bang on three years ago back in 2011, Elegant Angel released Bush, a pubic hair-loving hardcore romp that reintroduced audiences to the hottest tufted women in porn, including Kimberly Kane, Bobbi Starr, and Kristina Rose.

Bush Vol. 2Bush was followed by two more installments of this burgeoning series and welcomed multiple AVN nominees, one of whom, Jessie Andrews, also a Best Actress winner, Miley Cyrus music video co-star, and dance club DJ whose names has appeared in print in a NYT edition on not one, not two, but four separate occasions. But, no, heaven forbid we look to porn to see what less vocal people are doing (or wish they are) in their bedrooms. It’s simply untenable that such an affront to all human decency (both the Patriarchy’s and Feminism’s) could be the basis for an assessment of human domestic habits! Anyone willing to look, though, would certainly find one thing: bush (and quite a bit of it, too).

Lorelei Lee: Under the Hammer

Lorelei Lee

Fuck the Global Financial Crisis and your own dwindling savings account balance, those intrepid explorers of the furthest reaches of human sexuality, the San Francisco-based studio Kink.com, recently opened bidding on one of the company’s very own directors and performers, Lorelei Lee.

After a previous auction saw one fan pay $42,000 for an intimate private webcam session with Maitresse Madeline, the icy blonde Ms. Lee offers her services to the highest bidder and ensures, whatever his or her kinky preferences, satisfaction. Presented under the Kink Divine Bitches marquee, Lee says this auction aims to “expand the relationship between the fan and the star. They want to worship us, and we want them to worship.” Services available to the winning bidder – who’ll presumably pay much more than the current top bid of $24,200 – include lessons in servitude and submission or the chance to dominate, to completely control this particular Divine Bitch. The winner also receives a complimentary year of Kink.com access, signed photos of Ms. Lee, an HD copy of the private show and, most excitingly, the props used by Ms. Lee during their special time together.

Sure, unless you’re a future oil tycoon, criminal mastermind, or just really, really hard working, you won’t even consider bidding on some time with Lorelei Lee, but those of us that are should probably start seeing if our budgets can accommodate such a rash expenditure. (At least for me, an adult entertainment professional, it’ll be tax deductible!)

Lorelei Lee