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Moms in Control at Brazzers

Everyone knows Brazzers can’t sit still. Whether introducing a pay-by-gift-card system, buying their way into Madison Ivy’s anus, or launching software that gives you immediate access to any act occurring at any moment in a given Brazzers scene, the infamous ZZ always seems to be pushing ahead and reaching for something greater. So, you knew of course that porn’s biggest online vendor would tackle the whole mother-fucking thing in a whole new way, what with pseudo-incest porn being all the rage these days. Introducing Moms In Control.

Pitting a teenage or young adult couple against the girlfriend’s conspiratorial, conniving step-mother, Moms In Control sees young girls learn a thing or two from her step-mom about properly taking care of her man. Of course, with the “moms” played by Dana Vespoli, Bianca Breeze, Syren De Mer and Codi Bryant, you can be sure there’ll be plenty of stroking, sucking, and sharing of cock in each episode. Given the often tempestuous and competitive relationships between two gorgeous women living in the same house, the sexual tension of Moms In Control scenes is incredibly high and often sees the girlfriend not-so-politely requesting her mom stop blowing her boyfriend. Mom, heeding the call to parenting, simply invites her step-daughter to take part and learn a few tricks to ensure her guy’s doodle doesn’t start straying. While not quite as borderline-creepy as many incest-themed pornos around these days, Moms In Control mixes in a bit of female domination and cock-sharing for a thoroughly inspiring good time. In fact, Moms In Control is so hot it’ll make all of you with no chance of becoming some babe’s step-son regret your parents’ rock-solid relationship of 40-something years.

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Moms In Control added a slew of scenes when it went live a few weeks back, but now updates are flowing in steadily and bringing a dynamic new trio to your screen; Mia Malkova, Rebecca Moore, and Ryan Rider, anyone? Or perhaps Eva Notty, Janice Griffith and Jessy Jones will have your libido roaring. There’s a dozen scenes currently available, in 720p and 1080p HD of course, and more hitting the Moms In Control homepage all the time. (Just don’t tell your girlfriend’s dad about it no matter how much of a bro he seems. Trust me on this one.)

Beatin’ on a Budget! with Hustler

We all owe Larry Flynt big time. Without the Hustler head honcho’s relentless protection of the civil liberties of the American public, we’d still be staring at well-dressed women and marveling at their ankles! Thanks to Flynt’s Hustler empire we’ve been granted visual access to some incredibly lustful women in the pages of his magazines and now online at Hustler.com. Thanks should also be extended to Mr. Pink’s, though, for without the bargain hunting skills of our intrepid deal scouts, we’d never be able to offer you the Hustler deal of the decade!

Hustler isn’t a lone hardcore site, not by any stretch of the imagination. It’s a network of 19 websites and usually costs $34.95-a-month. For good reason, too, since membership opens the doors to Hustler’s Taboo, Barely Legal, and Hustler HD sites, as well as VCA Classics (golden age porn), Anal Hookers, Asian Fever, Beaver Hunt, Bossy MILFs, Busty Beauties, Daddy Gets Lucky (age-play), Hometown Girls and Hottie Moms (two sites with “amateur” babes), Hustlaz (black and interracial), Hustler’s Lesbians, Hustler’s College Girls, Muchas Latinas, Scary Big Dicks, Too Many Trannies, and the company’s now-notorious Hustler’s Parodies movies. That’s a huge variety of smut by anyone’s standards and with most of it hitting that high Hustler quality benchmark, it’s one well worth a little cyber-cash on. (Although the heavy presence of non-exclusive, non-Hustler works is a bit of a let down.)

THE MATH:
Mr. Pink’s discount brings the normal $34.95 monthly membership price down to only $19.95, you’re already saving close to half, to look at it another way, getting everything at twice the value! Each of the 19 Hustler websites come out to less than $1.05 with this deal. DVDs, of which there are 2,075, can be had for less than 1¢ each, while individual scenes, currently amounting to 10,076, end up costing an absolute pittance, only a fraction of a cent, just .19¢!

Oh, and there’s 215 issues of Hustler, Barely Legal, and Taboo magazines digitized to for your online reading pleasure, too, if that helps seal the deal. And to celebrate Black Friday, you can now join Hustler for only $14.95 now through December 3rd when you sign up through Mr. Pink’s special Hustler Holiday promotion link. Thanks, Larry!

The Porn Dude Advises

Back in the days the 33.3k modems, heavily contested phone line access, and piled-high floppy disk archives, there was one website above all others that broadened my pornographic horizons and lowered my tolerance for worthless smut. That website, Sublime Directory was, in essence, a listing of adult websites of all kinds, from all countries, and it introduced me to facials, gangbangs, scat, and the amazing work of amateur pornographers the world over. Times changes, though, and people move on. I’d learned more than enough during my patronage of Sublime Directory that I could confidently instruct my friends on where to find celebrity nudes screen-capped from VHS tapes, Southeast Asian pissing videos, or the elusive DVDA we first heard about via South Park. I was, in effect, the porn connoisseur you would all soon come to know and love me as. It was time for something new, so I ventured forth into the professional porn world alone, without any website to guide my taste and opinion. Mr. Pink’s was born and set about un-muddying the world of paid online porn to ensure you, the home viewer, would never be left feeling a pizza was a better option than beating off to, say, Twistys’ bikini galleries.

Every now and then, a potential replacement for my beloved Sublime Directory comes along and asks to be pilfered for porno info. The Porn Dude is one such website, and one such character. Holding court over a simply designed range of charts that chronicle the most visited and most beloved adult websites on the ‘net. And this isn’t just mainstream U.S. porn either, there’s webcam, picture and gif dump, Asian and Arab and Ebony porn sites, the best NSFW Reddit forums, choice picks of hentai, celebrity nudes (real and fake), Tumblr feeds, XXX comics, and adult Flash video games. Fetish sites, explicit Vines, watersports and scat, and adults-only dating sites all get a run, too, with many well-known Mr. Pink’s favorites topping lists left, right, and center.

The Porn Dude’s links are reliably live – I came upon no missing pages or dead links – but, while they connect you to image boards, preview sites, and free content of all kinds, this isn’t a link directory in the same sense of those early ones, Sublime Directory included. You won’t find links to promotional Brazzers, Naughty America, or Net Video Girls scenes here and although that might irritate those on the hunt for a specific woman or very specific act. We who remember the nightmarish pop-up onslaughts and abruptly-ending 10-second preview clips, on the other hand, won’t mind a bit. It would be nice to see a portion of The Porn Dude’s service dedicated to porn reviewers and advice forums to provide sage wisdom from yours truly and colleagues on the merit of the porn you’re now so well connected to. A stronger search tool would also be a welcome addition to this otherwise comprehensive link-fest The Porn Dude has assembled for your benefit. Why not at least bestow upon him a visit if not your undying respect and admiration. After all, he’s gone to so much effort. Thanks, Porn Dude!

Give Yourself a Handie!

Considering the dearth of sexual aids available to men – let’s face it, there’s the Pocket Pussy and Fleshlight and little else – it’s quite surprising that nobody tried to address this market disparity with something like The Handie before now. As discussed on this here blog back in early October, The Handie is an all-in-one sexual aid for men that promises to make bare-fisted masturbation a thing of the past. With a self-lubricating system, vibrating element, textured penetration simulation, and an easy-to-clean ejaculate receptacle, The Handie should’ve been such a smash hit with online audiences that it’s failure to raise the $69,000 declared necessary for production on the product’s IndieGoGo crowdfunding page.

Raising only $3,862 through IndieGoGo, The Handie went into production anyway and is now available for purchase. And, given the amount of attention The Handie has been receiving from the mainstream and adult branches of the media, it could soon be sold out. Heather Vahn (of whom we haven’t seen nearly enough lately) and Khloe Kush starred in the very first Handie promo video (above) and Angelina Chung has just been named the very first “Handie Girl” (although exactly what that means remains to be seen), proving this unique masturbatory aid not only has the pornstar seal of approval, but seems a solid, failure-proof venture enough that actual adult entertainment professionals are risking embarrassment and a career misstep to support it. The Handie is very real and very available and (presumably) very comfortable… unless you’re Milwaukee Buck Giannis Antetokounmpo, that is.