K-Pop-Porn

If the recent-ish launch of international pop music channels MTV Iggy and MNet America are to be believed, the USA is about to be inundated by a world of music most Americans have never even considered. From reggaeton to baile funk, from C-Pop to J-Pop to K-pop, there are dozens of artists with the talent, determination, and financial backing to blow the minds of America’s Internet generation. One group already starting their US invasion is the nine-member South Korean girl group Girl’s Generation. Having just released their first worldwide single, The Boys, the video to which garnered over 4 million YouTube views on its day of release, with an American album release coming in November through Interscope Records, and with a showcase performance at Madison Square Garden this Sunday in New York City, Girls’ Generation are poised to bring about a global group revival in popular music. Their tunes are great and Taeyon, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Yoona, Tiffany, Sooyoung, Seohyun, Jessica, and Sunny has distinct personalities and styles but blend together as a perfect ensemble, but what’s the real reason behind their smash worldwide success? For the answer, as always, we turn to porn.

Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Katy Perry have all been lampooned in US porn productions, but they’re just solo performers. Imagine how appealing a pornographic movie based on a nine-member all-girl singing and dancing group would be! Well, folks, it exists. Beautiful Legs Legend, a JAV (Japan Adult Video) release that copies Girls’ Generation’s outfits, dance moves, and music, but with an illicit twist, has proven that, along with the real ninesome’s truckload of miniskirt and short-short-accented stage outfits, long legs can sell anything.  Unfortunately, the JAV in question consists largely of five, not nine uncoordinated young women lazily dancing around sans panties. Yeah, there’s a foot fetish bukkake scene thrown in at the end, but that’s pretty dull, too. I suppose that’s what you get when Japan, whose pop music (J-Pop) has became stale and uninspired over recent years after decades of Asian dominance, tries to take on the rapidly expanding and wildly successful eighteen-legged Korean juggernaut that is Girls’ Generation. Fighting!

Annie Cruz’s Indie Adventure

Annie CruzAnnie Cruz might be best known as one of porn’s baddest bitches – being one of Kink.com’s most impressive resident dommes will do that to your reputation – but the Filipino fuck-fiend has also got a soft spot for some good ol’ indie rock! Ex-Pavement frontman, Stephen Malkmus, with his band The Jicks and Tenacious D’s Jack Black (in acting mode) are among Cruz’s latest co-stars, but no, this isn’t an indie-rock porno. Cast in Malkmus’s latest video, “Senator”, from his Minor Traffic album, Cruz plays a suitably sexy partygoer that encounters Jack Black’s schmoozing, boozing Senatorial candidate at a party and presumably proves the songs chorus “What the Senator wants is a blowjob,” to be undeniably accurate.

“Senator”, a politically-charged tune that features such pseudo-nonsensical lines as “heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy, heavy smelter – fuck it!”, isn’t Cruz’s first flirtation with the non-mainstream edge of an industry. Since 2009 she has only been shooting scenes and photosets for her self-maintained website instead of whoring herself out to the majors – something Malkmus’s former band, Pavement, also refused to do. Even in the regularly disparaged porn business, Cruz is known her doing things her own way and being unafraid of confrontation. Her blog, Memoirs of the Damned, reads like a punk/goth slut’s defensive diatribe against the small-minded, sexually insecure, dolts who can’t handle a sexually aggressive woman making a living doing what she loves. And, like the best work of all artists, that’s some inspiring shit.

The Tightest Women in Rock

Bree Olson - Tight

Just when you thought Bree Olson couldn’t possibly be featured on mainstream television any more than she already has – thanks largely to her stint as one of Charlie Sheen’s “goddesses” (read: polyamorous mistresses), which attracted the attention of TMZ, E! News and every other tabloid program on the tube – here comes more Bree on TV, but not in the context you might have imagined. Yes, Bree’s new reality show focuses on pornstars, but they’re not simply going about business as normal. No, Monica Mayhem, Labelle, Alicia Andrews, and Tuesday Cross are being fashioned into a four-piece rock band with Ms. Olson as their manager. As reported by Brazzer’s ZZ Insider, Bree and the gang were assembled by Canadian company Mind-Engine Productions, told to “Get in the van!” and launched on a US tour that had them playing very real gigs in front of very real audiences. As with all rock ‘n’ roll endeavors, though, things didn’t always go smoothly. Reports of infighting and mass alcohol consumption abound and the lead singer (Monica Mayhem) has apparently already left the group. The name of the show, ironically, is Tight and its 13 episodes are due to air on US TV come October, with various European airings to follow, with, of course, more visible tits and ass than the US version.

We all knew Bree would do something surprising and intriguing after leaving Sheen’s orgiastic household, but becoming the manager of a gang of pornstar Runaways? So, wait, Bree Olson is Kim Fowley?