Mr. Pink’s Weekly Report – November 9th, 2016

mrpinksRemember, remember, the ninth of November! Why? ‘Cause that’s the day Mr. Pink’s brand new reviews of legendary porno studios Naughty America, Evil Angel, Devil’s Film, and Brazzers went live, that’s why! In all-new examinations of these porno powerhouses, I look at their size, their quality, and their sexual appeal while keeping a close eye on the female talent. Among the top studios in the game, these four didn’t disappoint – well, not much – and are making it pretty easy to approach the start of 2017 with confidence. You can rest assured, though, bro, that wherever porno goes, Mr. Pink goes too.

Lana Brings Her Ass Back to LA

Lana Rhoades

For a while there it seemed like Lana Rhoades was destined to be the shortest-lived porno sensations of the late 2010s, having landed on the scene earlier this year only to announce her retirement after just months in action. Shooting for numerous major studios before jumping ship, it was like we were given just a whiff of this comely minx then she was gone. Well, it seems Lana has changed her mind and is heading back to LA, just not as often as she originally planned to.

After quietly letting fans know that porn wasn’t making her happy, and as they amused and abused themselves with her excellent Amateur Allure, BangPOV, Naughty America, and Blacked scenes, Lana was lured back by the chance to work once again with award-winning director Greg Lansky. And this time Lana fulfills a vow she made months ago: “Whenever I do anal I want to do it for Tushy.”

Having just this past weekend shot a five-scene star showcase for the acclaimed all-anal site, Rhoades claims her return feature will have “a little bit of everything in it.” Everything, in this case, means her first anal (with Jean Val Jean) and her first double-penetration scene (again with Jean, as well as Mick Blue), an interracial anal scene (with Isiah Maxwell), an anally inclusive threesome with Manuel Ferrara and a mystery woman. Add another sapphic encounter loaded with ass-play and Lana Rhoades is looking set to wrench the mantle of 2017 anal queen from whoever comes out on top before the new year.

Due for release “sometime in 2017,” Lana’s Tushy showcase won’t be the end of her porn career. She’s now representing herself after splitting with super-agent Mark Spiegler and is considering a few major offers for her next project. Whatever it is, we should all be glad it’s totally on her terms.

blacked review

Desperate Times & Desperate Women

Shoplyfter

Whenever there’s a change of government in a major economic power, the market gets a little nervous for a few days, sometimes longer. As it is, we’re still recovering from a brutal financial crisis and some folks, especially those recently leaving college to a uninviting job market, are resorting to desperate measures just to get by. Enter two brand new hardcore sites that focus on a woman’s dismal personal finances and her resourcefulness at overcoming her monetary obstacles.

XXX Pawn launched a while back, just over a year ago, and somehow managed to slip under the radar of many reality-porn fans, tucked away as it was on a second-tier section of the Bang Bros network. Now gaining some traction, the site uses security-cam footage and an HD to camera to capture the illicit happenings in the back office of a pawn and loan shop. Girls enter with a TV or some jewelry and try to drag some money for the proprietor. Hey, he’s struggling, too, and can only pay premium for premium product. Once they go in the back to negotiate a better deal – sometimes leaving her blissfully unaware boyfriend out front plunking an unplugged electric guitar – talk turns from her unwanted valuables to her undressing, perhaps sucking, and eventually fucking the store owner for a cash payment. Sure, it’s coercive and a little twisted, but that’s what makes XXX Pawn so hot. Well, that and the fact that the anonymous girls are largely up-and-coming pornstars like Sklya Novea, Harlow Harrison, Ivy Rose, and Karlee Grey. I can’t exactly imagine Ms. Grey needing to pawn a Playstation now that her career is skyrocketing, but much like shoplifting this does seem to be a fairly widespread problem.

Shoplyfter takes a slightly different approach to helping girls get a leg up, financially speaking. This time the young law-breakers aren’t trying to pawn an old ring or a stack of CDs; they’re not trying to pawn anything. They’re trying to steal. “American retailers lose $45 billion annually to theft,” says the Shoplyfter official preamble and whether or not this number is correct, the folks behind this site are at least doing something about it. Each young woman seen at Shoplyfter no longer has a name, just a case number, a consequence of trying to steal merch from the wrong retailer. You may notice a few familiar faces here, like Dolly Leigh, Bonnie Grey, and Bobbi Dylan, and you’ll definitely be familiar with the studio behind the site: Team Skeet. In true Team Skeet style, Shoplyfter’s busted babes are threatened with legal action only to relent and make a deal with the loss prevention officer.

Now, Shoplyfter pushes even closer than XXX Pawn to endorsing highly questionable activity, but since when is porn a barometer of public morality and legality? In the name of fun and fantasy, can’t we watch someone try to help a sexy young shoplifter avoid jail time in a way that encourages forgiveness, compassion, and the exchange of bodily fluids?