Porn Reviews | Mr. Pink's Blog - Part 85

Webcam Love Pt. 1

Webcam sites might thrill some people, but I’ve always found them more than a little frustrating. You buy yourself some token, find a camgirl that appears attractive and amiable, tip her, tip her again, and soon realize that she doesn’t give a shit how many ten-spots you toss her way, she’s all about the high rollers. And on most webcam sites, it takes a lot of real-life green to be that kind of guy.

When reviewing Private Feeds this week, however, my opinion changed. The site itself was nothing much to write home about; your average cam site loaded with women, men, trannies, and couples from around the world, all trying to make a buck with minimal effort and maximum skin. Of the few dozen performers that were online during the writing of the review, at least five or six caught my eye only to turn out to be basically the same as every other camgirl, just like I described above. One woman, however, proved to be something else entirely.

Private Feeds performer HoneyBunny initially attracted my attention for four reasons: her bright red hair, he sweet face, and the two most obvious physical attributes sitting right there on her chest. Upon closer inspection, she turned out to be Colombian, mute (due to a non-operational microphone), and adorable in personality as well as physicality. I entered the room and began engaging her in conversation; nobody else was, leaving me to assume I was alone in there. After asking her how she was and complimenting her on her attractiveness and relative maturity (compared to other Private Feeds performers), and after her thanking me kindly for my courtesy and manners, I decided to tip her 10 tokens. She was noticeably impressed with my “generosity” (her word, not mine) and her smile shone brightly back at me through the screen. Then another user piped up and demanded to see her “sweet litle puss bb.” Her attempts to ignore him worked initially, but then he took her into a group chat, which she requested I join. At this point, I was definitely starting to fall for her, but my troubles were just beginning.

Stay tuned to Mr. Pink’s blog to see how this star-crossed romance turned out. (It has a happy ending, I promise.)

Flirts in Skirts

Back when I was attending Catholic school – yes, that unidentifiable guilt is still with me – my female fellow students were held to a dress code rule that didn’t directly impact us boys: skirt/dress length. The unnecessarily sadistic method teachers had of testing the length of a girl’s skirt or dress was to instruct them to kneel on the floor or, if during recess, on the cold, hard asphalt. If the hem of the garment touched the ground, the girl was fine, if not, detention. (Now there’s a killer idea for a pornsite!) The idea behind this rule being that any girl who wore a skirt short enough to allow anyone, be it teacher, student, school caretaker, secretary, or a boy from a visiting school, visual access to her upper thighs was a “bad girl” who wasn’t welcome in such a fine, upstanding educational institution. Fuck that, am I right? Wear ’em short, ladies! Give us a peek at anything you want to show off. Believe me, we’re eternally grateful for any additional inch of skin. Why do you think we follow you around shopping malls? Stair and escalators, ladies. Stairs and escalators.

Upskirt porn has seen its peaks and valleys of popularity, though it seems of late to have unfortunately avoided the attention of too many porn fans. Perhaps it has been the increased proliferation of celebrity upskirt photos snapped by paparazzo as our hot-legged stars crawl out of limos or prance around onstage in outfits your mother might admire on TV, but would throw up if she caught her daughter wearing. There are, however, some upskirt sites still going strong. One of these recently went under the Pink-O-Scope™: Skirts Up Girls. For the ful lowdown on what’s up at Skirts Up Girls, check out our full review here. (Hint: it rhymes with Stüssy… kinda.)

On a Pussy Hunt!

While reviewing that premiere Golden Age movie emporium, The Classic Porn, I started to reminisce about the times when I had first viewed pornographic videos. Badly dubbed VHS tapes passed down from friend to friend; magnetic tape warped at crucial moments from too frequent pausing; barely legible titles scrawled on a piece of yellowed masking tape slapped on the cassette. I watched a few tapes with friends before smuggling them back home for a night alone when nobody else was around. Now that I spend most of my days looking at contemporary hardcore porn, these adult videos of old hold a very special place in my… well, in my heart, I suppose. Still, I’ve never managed to track down the few more memorable explicit sexual dramas of my youth.

One title I did manage to find on The Classic Porn is White Trash, Black Splash – a 1988 interracial title starring Gail Force, Jeannie Pepper, and Randy West, directed by John “Buttman” Stagliano. Featuring the most memorable post-cumshot dialog in all my porn viewing history, “As we say in de ghetto, ‘Ain’t nothin’ like a funky house party!'”, this movie wasn’t too hard to track down considering I knew it a) was interracial, and b) starred the inimitable Randy West. For me, though, this one movie just isn’t enough. I need to once again feel the thrill of seeing a black-bob-wigged, fake-titted harlot straddle the detective investigating her, ignoring anyone else that may be in the precinct at the time, and lead him to a massive face-based discharge. I need to see said detective strapped to a bondage device and taken by a blonde vixen who, in a likelihood, is the murderer/arsonist/shoplifter he’s been pursuing all along. The problem is, folks, I have no idea who any of these people are or what the film in question is called.

Surely someone out there is working on a site that would allow users to input a number of criteria – like, say, in this instance: detective, bondage, suspect, black hair, fake breasts, Hollywood, sex in chair, 1990s, and whatever else my booze-addled memory might be able to drum up – and be given a list of possible suspects. I mean, it’s basically like a more detailed and, I don’t know, helpful version of IAFD, isn’t it? Come on, who can I turn to for help in this arduous decade-long pussy hunt?

Until then, dear readers, feast your eyes on what got a much younger and less jaded Mr. Pink all riled up: White Trash, Black Splash!

Fucking Punks!

Earlier this week, Mr. Pink’s took a wander through the Burning Angel network in preparation for a slew of new reviews of Joanna and crew’s fantastic punk rock porn sites. The first to receive the full Pink treatment was POV Punx, a site devoted entirely to thrusting you in the virtual hot seat and providing drool-worthy views of Kylee Kross, Misti Dawn, Kleio Valentein and other Burning Angels in scenes of face, snatch, and ass-fucking awesomeness.

Those of you who’ve been paying special attention to recent trends would’ve surely noticed the increased presence of “alternative” girls in porn both softcore and hardcore, on sites like Suicide Girls and God’s Girls, all over the Tumblr-verse, and even on relatively mainstream adult sites like Brazzers and Bang Bros. While Burning Angel is obviously the place to go for hardcore pornstars with tattoos, piercings, and absurdly colored hair, and POV Punx offers as intimate an experience with such girls as the Internet is currently capable of, those who want something a bit more tangible can turn to Nasstoys and its newest male sexual aid products.

FukPussy Pierced Nipples and FukPussy Pierced Vagina might seem like fairly bizarre objects to sink your shaft into but when you consider that they allegedly feel “better than real REALSKIN” and include a push-button bullet vibrator to offer vibrating orgasms, fucking a pierced pile of anatomically inaccurate flesh-colored thermoplastic rubber doesn’t seem like such a bad idea; and, hey, used in conjunction with POV Punx, the FukPussy might have you convinced you’ve just bagged yourself some real goth-punk pussy.