Detroit Michigan is known for being kind of a rough town. Economic depression, white flight, and the collapse of infrastructure has left the former “Paris of the West” reeling for much of the late 20th and early 21st Centuries. Crime rates shot up accordingly, leaving the Motor City struggling to convince the rest of the country that it’s not the surreal wasteland of rapists and muggers many claim it to be. And, quite frankly, two of the city’s biggest musical exports aren’t exactly helping to clean up Detroit’s reputation.
Andrea Pellegrini, a former publicist for Insane Clown Posse’s Psychopathic Records, last month filed a lawsuit against her former employer, claiming sexual harassment. And now, arguably Detroit’s favorite hard-rockin’ son, Kid Rock, has been subpoenaed to produce in court a certain sex toy Pellegrini claims was lewdly offered to her by fellow former Psychopathic employee “Dirty Dan” Diamond, then given to Kid Rock upon her refusal. Oakland County Circuit Court considers the glass dildo cited in Pellegrini’s suit evidence and is requiring Rock to turn it over to the court. Pellegrini claims the implement was offered to her by Diamond after she changed her Facebook status to “single,” an offer she promptly refused.
Rock has not yet complied with the court’s demand and could face jail time if the item is not produced. Those interested in following the case and the dildo’s transition from private sexual aid (or, as Diamond claims, “a work of art”) to admitted evidence can do so via the dildo’s Facebook page.
Finding a good physical match between two people – a partnership where each others’ body seems to perfectly conform to the other and mutual pleasure abounds – can be a fucking nightmare. You find yourself charmed by an attractive young lady only to later realize she’s too short to kiss mid-coitus or find yourself unable to hold her weight for some standing sex. She, for her part, might find your erection underwhelming, oddly shaped, or too large. (The rest of your body might have other problems, too.) Now, with the advent of consumer-grade 3D printing technology, those after the perfect penile substitute can design one to suit their specific physical demands. Guys and (especially) gals, I give you Dildo Generator.
Offering customization of height, volume, diameter, color, angle, and flexibility, Dildo Generator offers the easily embarrassed and sexually frustrated a chance to create a dildo of their own specifications without wandering into a seedy XXX emporium and asking if they stock penis molds and how an unnamed “friend” might go about making a perfect replica of their genitalia. The designs can be printed at no cost if the designer has access to a 3D printer or they can be ordered from one of the many 3D printer-equipped Hackerspaces in Berlin. The full kit, which costs €69 (approx. $94 USD), includes your custom-created mold and a silicone dildo of the finished phallus, though a mold-only option is available for €49 ($67 USD).
The programmer responsible for Dildo Generator, Berlin-based Ikaros Kappler, told Vice’s Motherboard of his desire to offer something a bit more risque than “small figurines to put on your windowsill,” saying the idea came to him while he was drinking beer and relaxing with some buddies. (Of course.) Kappler’s creation makes him one of the first to offer a truly customizable sex toy manufacturing engine, a step up from existing 3D-printed sex toy producers making more generic or esoteric products.
Personally, I couldn’t help but use Dildo Generator to create a little something in my own image. You know… something big, pink, and upstanding. Feel free to download the mold (available here in stl format) and, if you have access to a 3D printer, produce your very own semi-official Mr. Pink’s dildo. Just don’t send me details on its use unless you’re a) of legal age, b) female, c) a selfie-taker, and d) willing to see your masturbation reports in print on a future Mr. Pink’s blog. Deal?
Ever since marijuana became a legally acceptable treatment for numerous medical conditions, pot-related entrepreneurs have launched dozens of absurd products. Whiz Khalifa has a line of 100% hemp rolling papers, there’s a Snoop Dogg endorsed vaporizer pen, Tumblr exhibitionists are buying the hell out of Black Milk’s marijuana leaf leggings, and your local dispensary, compassionate care club or provisioning center likely has for sale soaps, salves, balms and trail mix containing potent doses of THC. But now there’s a cannabis product to tantalize an substantially different set of physical stimulus receptors.
Foria, a personal lubricant infused with cannabis, now aims to bring the floaty, giggly, snack-munching sensations you feel after a blunt, doobie, dutchie, dab, bong rip, or vape sesh to the vulvae, labium, clitorii, and vaginal canal of the female stoner. Describing its product as “a therapeutic sensual enhancement oil designed for female pleasure,” the folks at Foria stress that results vary from person to person and you’ll simply have to try the “blend of nourishing liquid coconut oil and lab-tested cannabis oil from California-grown marijuana” to find out if it works for you (or your lady).
Fellas, Foria has a use for you too: oral ingestion. Much like tinctures and hash oil, Foria, a liquid intended not as a direct sexual lubricant but as a pre-lube for use about 30 minutes prior to arousal and activity, can be taken orally to pleasurable effect. The main purpose, however, of this expensive little bottle – Foria runs $80 for a 30ml bottle – is to directly enhance the natural sensations of arousal a woman feels in her nether regions and, in many cases, throughout her entire body. A testimonial from alleged Foria users shows little reservation in singing the product’s praises. Whether you or your lady will be among the acolytes depends, according to Foria’s makers, entirely on your individual reaction to such pre-titilation stimulation. So, it’s like anything else…
How many times have you been plugging away at your Fleshlight, on the verge of completion, when your chosen porn-viewing device (smart phone, duh) falls from its carefully placed position against your thigh or pillow or sleeping cat and makes your lose your carefully built-up edge? Fleshlight knows. Fleshlight cares. Fleshlight can’t stop producing borderline-absurd add-ons for its millions-selling masturbation device. The latest creation from the company has now launched and goes by the oh-so-imaginative name of PhoneStrap.
See, you strap it to your leg for consistently good views of your iPhone or Galaxy or whatever! Ok, so the Fleshlight PhoneStrap might seem like a waste of thirty bucks at first, but think of the possibilities, even the nonsexual ones! PhoneStrap is: a stable second screen for enhanced sports viewing; an easy way to video chat your friends when you’ve got a story that requires wild gesticulation; and, as Fleshlight user “Rich” points out, as a leg-mounted recipe display for the kitchen.
If you need to cast a wider supportive net around your device, there’s even an add-on for this add-on (although this one’s free). Expanding the normal grasp of PhoneStrap to 5.5″, the clip extender allows users to insert a mini tablet for slightly better viewing than what a phone would provide. (Pity it can’t extend another 1.5″, though, as that’d give those Record Store Day-attending vinyl-fetishizers a neat little device with which to secure whatever overpriced 7″ reissue they fully intend to welcome into the household with a nice smooth coat of ejaculate.)
With an MSRP of $39.93 (but now on sale at Fleshlight for $29.95), Fleshlight’s PhoneStrap is now ready and able to aid your most furious beat-off sessions.
A friend of mine, regaling me with the story of her first experience doling out fellatio, once told me that ejaculate tasted like “egg white and seawater.” As appetizing as that cocktail may seem to a few, the taste of ejaculate is often cited as a reason some women and men are reluctant to open their mouths for their semen-filled lovers. Some foods can alter the taste – pineapple juice makes it sweeter; asparagus should be avoided at all costs – but that wasn’t enough for the creative geniuses behind Florida-based manufacturer of sexual wellness products, HiPleasures. The crew’s latest creation promises to lighten the heavier tastes in your load for a sugary sweet deposit that should have any would-be sucker heading back for seconds. And, get this, it’s called Sugar Cum!
Sugar Cum contains “Proprietary Blend 650mg, Pineapple Extract, Acai Extract, Papaya Extract, Wheatgrass Extract & cinnamon,” and vows to enhance the flavor not only of male ejaculate, but of female genital discharges, too! Priced at $5.99 per two-pill pack, Sugar Cum is something of a luxury purchase aimed at those either desperate to convince their partner for more frequent oral sex or considerate enough to surprise their partner with an after-dinner treat that doesn’t involve frozen yogurt with mounds of toppings. That said, couldn’t you just hit the Jamba Juice before meeting your date or encourage her to drink Cape Cods and not Black Russians? The folks at both Cosmopolitan UK and Jezebel seem to think it’s a worthwhile tool to try. After all, a number of commenters complained about the taste of their own vaginal discharges, so you can imagine what their partners must’ve thought mid-lap!
The contents of Sugar Cum capsules can be dissolved in water for easy consumption and can be purchased directly from HiPleasures.