Many Parisians are outraged over the latest sculpture to be erected in public view. Standing 24ft above the Place Vendrome in the French capital, ‘Tree’ by American artist Paul McCarthy has raised eyebrows for its startling similarity to not a traditional Christmas tree it is said to represent, but an thick green butt-plug.
McCarthy, something of an art world provocateur, created the piece for Foire International d’Art Contemporain (FIAC), an exhibition running in Paris until the end of October, in the hopes that it’d be accepted, even enjoyed by the allegedly sexually liberal French. Placed adjacent to the Vendrome Column, a monument erected by Emperor Napoleon after defeating the Roman army at the Battle of Austerlitz in 1805. Many Parisians failed to find McCarthy’s irreverence amusing and instead of ignoring the piece for the duration of its exhibition, took to vandalism to make their point.
Severing the ropes that held ‘Tree’ upright, outraged Parisian vandals cut the offending object down to size, leaving it lifeless and deflated, flaccid even, in the city square before eventually being removed by organizers. McCarthy has fired back at his attackers – an irate Frenchman struck McCarthy in the head multiple times at the piece’s unveiling – in a statement made to artnet News: “Instead of the piece being about a discussion about how objects exist as language with layers of meaning, a violent reaction occurred. I am not interested in the possibility of such confrontation and physical violence, or continuing to put those around the object at risk.”
Unfortunately, though, ‘Tree’ doesn’t seem to speak to cases of sexual violence perpetrated against those still, in the year of your chosen deity 2014, find themselves persecuted simply for being more sexually interesting (read: positively perverted) than their decriers, instead drawing much attention to McCarthy’s fecally-reminiscent Parisian exhibition, Chocolate Factory, opening Saturday at Monnaie de Paris. What a wasted opportunity.
Simple Pickup, a company founded by a few guys eager to prove their ‘game’, aims to provide information and education to sexually frustrated guys in an effort to help them conquer their inhibitions and become that lady-killing ultra-player they’ve always dreamed about. So successful is Simple Pickup that a Change.org petition started by Stop Street Harassment has already garnered 30,000 digital signatures and demands an immediate end to what they see as blatant sexual harassment. Apparently, though, Fleshlight, makers of the best-selling masturbation aid for men, saw Simple Pickup as a great promotional opportunity and gave the three guys behind the service $10,000 to create a promo video for their product.
Instead of investing the ten grand in their production budget, the Simple Pickup dudes decided to stuff genuine US currency into the soft, pliable openings of some 200 Fleshlights and scatter them throughout Los Angeles. Giving out clues via their Twitter and Facebook pages after announcing the find-a-hole contest on YouTube, the guys will keep hinting towards the location of the Fleshlights before finally revealing it in full this Saturday. So far, three clues have been unveiled and the broke and horny of LA are running around with an empty duffel bag over their shoulders.
“So what, I’m not in LA,” you say, “Why do I give a shit about this giveaway thing?” Well, pal, ’cause the SimplePickups chuds vowed to unleash their hidden Fleshlight bonanza in another city if their announcement video reached 50,000 views – it currently sits at 285,000 views, so your city could be next to have molded vaginas hidden among its beaches and barrooms, its malls, its parks, even perhaps its adult variety emporiums. Follow the clues with #FleshCash and good huntin’, pals!
We all need a hand every now and then, but when was the last time you thought of helping both yourself and your fellow masturbating man by contributing to the production of a new sexual aid for male use? What, you’ve never tinkered with a DIY fuck-sleeve or tried beating off with an artificially warmed glove and thought of the commercial possibilities? Well, now’s your chance, hot shot!
The Handie, invented by Maxx Padilla, is a device intended to assist men in achieving the most powerful self-applied orgasm of their lives. A glove made of “silky soft material” with all manner of contraptions and additions attached to its hand-hugging design, The Handie aims to be the ultimate male masturbation aid by equipping a one-size-fits-most glove with a vibrating bullet, lubrication reservoir and dispenser, grip control, and what is basically a spooge cup. You want one? Yeah, I want one too, but we’re going to have to wait until at least November before The Handie makes any real progress. You see, Padilla is running a funding campaign at IndieGoGo, asking for $69,000 in pledges before he can mass manufacture every masturbator’s dream device.
So, are you dedicated enough to the idea of Ultimate Extreme Masturbation™ that you’ll throw some dough The Handie’s way? Good, ’cause with little more than two grand tallied up so far, Padilla and his team have a long way to go. There’s goodies for you if you do contribute, including the chance to have your very own custom-colored Handie molded by the pornstar of your choice. There’s also stickers and t-shirts, so you can show everyone in your town or social media circle how much of a wanker you really are – if they don’t already.