How many times have you been plugging away at your Fleshlight, on the verge of completion, when your chosen porn-viewing device (smart phone, duh) falls from its carefully placed position against your thigh or pillow or sleeping cat and makes your lose your carefully built-up edge? Fleshlight knows. Fleshlight cares. Fleshlight can’t stop producing borderline-absurd add-ons for its millions-selling masturbation device. The latest creation from the company has now launched and goes by the oh-so-imaginative name of PhoneStrap.
See, you strap it to your leg for consistently good views of your iPhone or Galaxy or whatever! Ok, so the Fleshlight PhoneStrap might seem like a waste of thirty bucks at first, but think of the possibilities, even the nonsexual ones! PhoneStrap is: a stable second screen for enhanced sports viewing; an easy way to video chat your friends when you’ve got a story that requires wild gesticulation; and, as Fleshlight user “Rich” points out, as a leg-mounted recipe display for the kitchen.
If you need to cast a wider supportive net around your device, there’s even an add-on for this add-on (although this one’s free). Expanding the normal grasp of PhoneStrap to 5.5″, the clip extender allows users to insert a mini tablet for slightly better viewing than what a phone would provide. (Pity it can’t extend another 1.5″, though, as that’d give those Record Store Day-attending vinyl-fetishizers a neat little device with which to secure whatever overpriced 7″ reissue they fully intend to welcome into the household with a nice smooth coat of ejaculate.)
With an MSRP of $39.93 (but now on sale at Fleshlight for $29.95), Fleshlight’s PhoneStrap is now ready and able to aid your most furious beat-off sessions.
A friend of mine, regaling me with the story of her first experience doling out fellatio, once told me that ejaculate tasted like “egg white and seawater.” As appetizing as that cocktail may seem to a few, the taste of ejaculate is often cited as a reason some women and men are reluctant to open their mouths for their semen-filled lovers. Some foods can alter the taste – pineapple juice makes it sweeter; asparagus should be avoided at all costs – but that wasn’t enough for the creative geniuses behind Florida-based manufacturer of sexual wellness products, HiPleasures. The crew’s latest creation promises to lighten the heavier tastes in your load for a sugary sweet deposit that should have any would-be sucker heading back for seconds. And, get this, it’s called Sugar Cum!
Sugar Cum contains “Proprietary Blend 650mg, Pineapple Extract, Acai Extract, Papaya Extract, Wheatgrass Extract & cinnamon,” and vows to enhance the flavor not only of male ejaculate, but of female genital discharges, too! Priced at $5.99 per two-pill pack, Sugar Cum is something of a luxury purchase aimed at those either desperate to convince their partner for more frequent oral sex or considerate enough to surprise their partner with an after-dinner treat that doesn’t involve frozen yogurt with mounds of toppings. That said, couldn’t you just hit the Jamba Juice before meeting your date or encourage her to drink Cape Cods and not Black Russians? The folks at both Cosmopolitan UK and Jezebel seem to think it’s a worthwhile tool to try. After all, a number of commenters complained about the taste of their own vaginal discharges, so you can imagine what their partners must’ve thought mid-lap!
The contents of Sugar Cum capsules can be dissolved in water for easy consumption and can be purchased directly from HiPleasures.
From 4th millennium renderings of Ancient Egyptian fertility god Min to Cynthia Plaster Caster to The Lex Steele PowerLock Cock, casting the human penis in a firm substance, whether stone, iron, glass or RealSkin, and revering it as a symbol of fertility and erotic potency has been part of mankind’s collective sexual culture throughout recorded history. So, if you’ve found yourself in need of a last minute gift for that special bottom in your life and you want to ensure it’s something that’ll come in handy, something you can both enjoy, something that’ll make for a memorable start to the new year, why not cast your willy to the wind, savvy shopper, and consider adding yourself to history’s museum of penises.
Create-a-Mate might sound like the name of a company producing futuristic sexbots you can assemble at home, but it is instead known around the world for leading the way in at-home penile reproduction kits. Allowing soldiers’ wives comfort during long stretches at the homefront, temporary lovers to always hold a keepsake, and the sexually frustrated to fuck their idols, fake dicks are always big hits, so why not throw yours under the Christmas tree? Not only does Create-a-Mate offer suction-cupped, strap-on, vibrating and handle-equipped versions of their famous penis cloning kits, they could also, quite frankly, use some help.
When Hurricane Sandy tore through the East Coast in October of 2012, she didn’t spare Create-a-Mate. The company’s New Jersey warehouses and offices suffered four feet of water. After relocating to Florida for support from associates, Create-a-Mate has returned to the NY area and begun rebuilding its cock-cloning empire starting with these latest, more advanced endeavors. (See, you’d be doing it for charity, too.)