Two New Wand Massagers to Rock Your Girl

Over the past few years, two sex toys have ruled the market, one intended for use by men and the other by women. While the male Fleshlight toy has seen a number of imitators riding its substantial coattails, the most prominent female aid, the Hitachi Magic Wand has stood alone as the reigning champ of masturbatory tools. Until now, that is.

Doxy Massager

Another plug-in wand-style massager has been proving itself very popular in Europe of late and even claimed the Editor’s Award at the 2014 Erotic Trade Organization Awards. Doxy Massager is its name, applying heavy vibrational force to crucial erogenous zones is its game. Made by CMG Leisure Limited, Doxy offers a PVC-covered aluminum head that can deliver throbs and vibrations from 3,000 to 9,000 RPM, and can even be made to work its way up as the user reaches higher planes of pleasure. The only drawback to both the Hitachi Magic Wand and Doxy Massager, at least as far as I can see, is the need for a power outlet to plug them into. If only some bold, tech savvy entrepreneur would come along with something similar, only battery-operated. (Yo, Shibari, that’s your cue!)

Shibari Halo

BBW pornstar, sex educator, and businesswoman par excellence, Kelly Shibari, has unleashed her own take on the wand massager which she’s calling Halo. And, dear readers, it’s cordless! Talking to Fleshbot about the device, Shibari said other wand massagers proved too strong, too noisy, and too unwieldy for her, so when the chance to align herself with a device that had 10 different speeds, quiet operation, was waterproof, and ditched the power cable in favor of a rechargeable internal battery, she jumped. And, at $49, the Shibari Halo costs a fraction of what you’d pay for a Doxy (approximately $160).

“So,” I’m sure you’re wondering about now, “which one should I buy for my dearly beloved to enhance her own sexual satisfaction as well as our mutual activity? Should I wait for Doxy’s arrival on US shelves or trust in Kelly Shibari and her angelic cordless creation?” On that point, my friends, I’ll have to get back to you once they’ve been extensively tested (and possibly run into the ground) by me and mine – and not like this disappointingly SFW test run by Chessie kay:

Hell, maybe I’ll buy a pair, race ’em across the kitchen floor, and declare the winner the greatest vibrator in the history of sexual aids! Double hell, maybe I’ll see who sends me a complimentary device and devote myself to them and only them for all eternity. Then and only then will there be an official declaration of vibrational supremacy from the master of masturbatory analysis, Mr. Pink!

Kid Rock Subpoenaed for Glass Dildo in ICP Harassment Case

Kid Rock glass dildo

Detroit Michigan is known for being kind of a rough town. Economic depression, white flight, and the collapse of infrastructure has left the former “Paris of the West” reeling for much of the late 20th and early 21st Centuries. Crime rates shot up accordingly, leaving the Motor City struggling to convince the rest of the country that it’s not the surreal wasteland of rapists and muggers many claim it to be. And, quite frankly, two of the city’s biggest musical exports aren’t exactly helping to clean up Detroit’s reputation.

Andrea Pellegrini, a former publicist for Insane Clown Posse’s Psychopathic Records, last month filed a lawsuit against her former employer, claiming sexual harassment. And now, arguably Detroit’s favorite hard-rockin’ son, Kid Rock, has been subpoenaed to produce in court a certain sex toy Pellegrini claims was lewdly offered to her by fellow former Psychopathic employee “Dirty Dan” Diamond, then given to Kid Rock upon her refusal. Oakland County Circuit Court considers the glass dildo cited in Pellegrini’s suit evidence and is requiring Rock to turn it over to the court. Pellegrini claims the implement was offered to her by Diamond after she changed her Facebook status to “single,” an offer she promptly refused.

Rock has not yet complied with the court’s demand and could face jail time if the item is not produced. Those interested in following the case and the dildo’s transition from private sexual aid (or, as Diamond claims, “a work of art”) to admitted evidence can do so via the dildo’s Facebook page.

Kid Rock Glass Dildo

A Dildo for Every Shape and Size

Finding a good physical match between two people – a partnership where each others’ body seems to perfectly conform to the other and mutual pleasure abounds – can be a fucking nightmare. You find yourself charmed by an attractive young lady only to later realize she’s too short to kiss mid-coitus or find yourself unable to hold her weight for some standing sex. She, for her part, might find your erection underwhelming, oddly shaped, or too large. (The rest of your body might have other problems, too.) Now, with the advent of consumer-grade 3D printing technology, those after the perfect penile substitute can design one to suit their specific physical demands. Guys and (especially) gals, I give you Dildo Generator.

dildo generator

Offering customization of height, volume, diameter, color, angle, and flexibility, Dildo Generator offers the easily embarrassed and sexually frustrated a chance to create a dildo of their own specifications without wandering into a seedy XXX emporium and asking if they stock penis molds and how an unnamed “friend” might go about making a perfect replica of their genitalia. The designs can be printed at no cost if the designer has access to a 3D printer or they can be ordered from one of the many 3D printer-equipped Hackerspaces in Berlin. The full kit, which costs €69 (approx. $94 USD), includes your custom-created mold and a silicone dildo of the finished phallus, though a mold-only option is available for €49 ($67 USD).

The programmer responsible for Dildo Generator, Berlin-based Ikaros Kappler, told Vice’s Motherboard of his desire to offer something a bit more risque than “small figurines to put on your windowsill,” saying the idea came to him while he was drinking beer and relaxing with some buddies. (Of course.) Kappler’s creation makes him one of the first to offer a truly customizable sex toy manufacturing engine, a step up from existing 3D-printed sex toy producers making more generic or esoteric products.

Mr. Pink's dildo

Personally, I couldn’t help but use Dildo Generator to create a little something in my own image. You know… something big, pink, and upstanding. Feel free to download the mold (available here in stl format) and, if you have access to a 3D printer, produce your very own semi-official Mr. Pink’s dildo. Just don’t send me details on its use unless you’re a) of legal age, b) female, c) a selfie-taker, and d) willing to see your masturbation reports in print on a future Mr. Pink’s blog. Deal?