Back to School with Rocco Siffredi

The student debt crisis shows no signs of abating, admissions processes are more bewildering than ever, and job prospects for graduates aren’t exactly overflowing, so why on Earth would any grown adult choose to go back into the education system after finally giving it the finger? I can’t think of any reasons, but I’m sure Professor Rocco Siffredi of Universidad del Porno can.
Rocco Siffredi
That’s right, students of the sexual arts, the one and only Italian Stallion himself has moved out of performing himself and is now teaching others to follow in his immense footsteps. ‘Siffredi Hard Academy’ aims to take his approximately 30 students from eager amateurs to bona fide porno professionals who can stand with the best adult performers in the world. Why so few students? Well, this venture isn’t likely to pay for itself, so Siffredi has teamed with Italian television channel La5 and will be bringing his school to the small screen as a reality series. Each student was chosen by school administrators and given the Siffredi stamp of approval (or at least acceptance) before being allowed to enroll. Is Rocco instructing the next wave of European porno superstars or is this just a vain effort to increase his own profile now that performing if off the cards for the 51-year-old family man and multi-AVN winner? We’ll have to wait until his students have graduated, found agents, and started working, but thankfully Sensi Siffredi can be seen instructing his class on YouTube. Here we see him talking about controlling one’s own strength and (surprise, surprise) tells his students not to actually choke girls, but to instead pretend.

Rocco Siffredi made pretend sex feel real and is now teaching real folks having real sex how to pretend? Life sure does take us through some twists and turns, doesn’t it, maestro?

WoodRocket Wants David Lynch

save twin peaks

Cult television show Twin Peaks has only garnered more attention in the years since its untimely cancellation after two seasons in the early 90s. Co-creator and acclaimed filmmaker and artist David Lynch has long made it clear that the saga of Special Agent Dale Cooper and the Twin Peaks townspeople had not been entirely wrapped up. And with an October 2014 statement from Showtime announcing that the series would return in 2016 for a nine-episode run with original creators and cast members attached, fan fervor hit an all-time high. Then, six months later, Lynch withdrew from the production over budget disputes, spurring online petitions from fans and cast members alike that call for Lynch’s budgetary demands to be met because “Twin Peaks without David Lynch is likeā€¦ comedic pornography without pop-culture references!”

Potentially rescuing Lynch from being embroiled in a production that doesn’t meet his needs, another offer has come in, this one from an unlikely source: WoodRocket. In an open letter to Lynch, WoodRocket director Lee Roy Myers claimed solidarity with his fellow “quirky” auteur and invited him to bring his most popular creation to the WoodRocket studios. Though it’s highly unlikely WoodRocket has Showtime-like funds to throw at the prospective series, perhaps the creative freedom would be enough to appeal to Lynch. For his part, Myers, who has said WoodRocket’s productions make Lynch’s own Eraserhead look as tame as Grease, also dropped in a few related puns and references to fan-favorite characters like Coop, Annie, and even Frank Booth from Lynch’s Blue Velvet, hoping to snag at least a few Twin Peaks fanatics for WoodRocket’s growing audience. Hell, Myers even suggests the proposed flick could delve into the mystery of the true relationship between The Log Lady and her beloved hunk of Douglas fir.

American Whore Story, ZZ-Style

brazzers american whore story

Brazzers isn’t the kind of porn company to embark on any new venture with cautious reserve, so with Halloween on the horizon it was expected that the ZZ would throw its ample weight behind a unique celebration. This year it’s American Whore Story.

american whore story

American Whore Story is a multi-chapter epic from Brazzers that sees pornstars Katrina Jade, Bonnie Rotten, Skin Diamond and Julez Ventura tackle horrific, treacherous situations all in the name of sexual adventure. Ably abetted by everyone’s favorite expressively-eyebrowed male star Tommy Pistol, insanely-well-endowed Brit Danny D, and All-American boy-next-door Tyler Nixon (at least in the first three chapters), the carnally obsessed cast get to filling every available orifice regardless of the precarious situations surrounding them. In American Whore Story’s first chapter (published last week at ZZ Series), Katrina Jade flags down travelers Tyler and Danny and successfully distracts Tyler from his original goal: locating a secret grave-site that held a mass of partial human remains. When she turns down the motel room light to get some post-coital zees, Katrina is terrified (as she should be) by someone at her bedroom door.

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Part two of this Brazzers Halloween horror series sees Danny continue his ghost hunt alone, roping motel employee Julez Ventura (who’s angling for a joint) into helping him locate his now-missing pal. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he stumbles upon a bound and hooded Skin Diamond, wrapped in leather and placed on an altar. Freeing her, Danny is greeted by Diamond with a hysterical laughing fit before Ventura joins them, masked and cowled, and seduces our hapless hero into a metaphysical threesome that leaves him disoriented and confused when they vanish into a puff of smoke after draining him. But who’s that mysterious dark-haired man seen in security footage walking the area with the missing Tyler and what does he want with our fellas?

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Bonnie Rotten, arguably the most beloved hyper-sexual and endlessly elastic deviant in porn today, takes center stage for the third chapter of Brazzers’ American Whore Story (due for release October 21st) but whether she provides any answers or simply poses more questions remains to be seen. Joining forces with the apparent mastermind behind all this insanity (that’d be Mr. Pistol), Rotten takes a railing in all three holes. But what exactly is her involvement and what has happened to Katrina Jade and Tyler Nixon to leave Danny D so ill-at-ease? Hop along, little pumpkins, to Brazzers site ZZ Series to catch the unfolding of this particular pornographic horror story as can only be told by adult entertainment’s most notoriously epic studio.