Schtupping With Your Clothes On

Fully Clothed SexMore and more these days, it seems nudity is seen as a necessary component of mainstream entertainment. Take this season’s runaway television hit, Girls, for example. Creator and star, Lena Dunham, rips her clothes off seemingly at every available opportunity and while some controversy has brewed since the show’s pilot episode aired back in April, the slights and criticisms lobbed at Dunham and her show focused largely on the socioeconomic status of its characters and the dimensions of her unusually (at least for television) “normal” body. (Never mind the tired plot developments being reused in yet another show that pretends to be pushing the envelope while utterly lacking genuine originality. Never mind that the abundance of nudity on Girls merely perpetuates the objectification of women’s bodies regardless of their size and shape.) Face it, between Girls, Spartacus, True Blood, Magic City and a bunch of other shows I rarely watch, there’s so much bare flesh on TV these days it’s almost becoming a bore.

When it seems every sexually active adult is also a vain, egotistical wannabe-naturist – Girls’ girls included – it’s a relief to find a site like the recently reviewed at MrPinks.com Fully Clothed Sex, which proves you can have, well, fully clothed sex. With its exclusive collection now boasting more than 250 hardcore sex scenes in which the participating women remain fully (or mostly) clothed at all times, here is an entertainment property that genuinely throws out preconceived notions of feminine sexuality and thrusts upon its viewers something bold and original: sex with your clothes on. Sounds dull, I know, but it’s a hell of a lot more fun than watching Dunham’s Hannah passive-aggressively snipe at her remarkably tolerant, but typically (for TV) doltish boyfriend.

Idols Romp in Playboy Mansion

While you sit at home lazing on the sofa dreaming about nabbing a chance to not just step foot inside the Playboy Mansion, Hugh Hefner’s den of deliciously deviant behavior and some of the wildest parties Hollywood has ever known, American Idol’s nine surviving contestants are set to take up residence in, well, not the Playboy Mansion, but a a mansion nonetheless formerly occupied by the cast of Playboy TV’s recent reality fuckfest, “Swing.” Telling TMZ reporters about their relentless sexual adventures while they stayed at the lush ten bedroom Hollywood residence, swingers and former castmates, Michael and Holli also offered some advice to the new Idol occupants: watch where you sit.

“Swing” thrust real couples eager to experiment with open relationships into accommodations built for hooking up with anybody and everybody in sight. As a result, few places were off-limits when it came to satisfying ones desire. Michael and Holli detailed their activities and said no room or surface was off-limits when the swingers started swinging. In showers and elevators, outside, and on every floor and countertop in the residence, you could watch loving men and women share each other with other previously monogamous couples in fairly explicit detail on the Playboy TV show. Idols be warned: Hollywood ain’t the healthiest of towns and you just never know what’ll be stick to the back our your Blackberry should you set it down on a kitchen counter between tweets. And before you go grabbing that guitar and sitting on the music room floor for an impromptu Kumbaya singalong, you might want to check the carpet for stains; it turns out the room where the Idols will practice their warbling was once a mattress-filled pounding palace dubbed by the “The Boom Boom Room” Swing cast. Tasteful.

Smooshing and Screaming

Every Thursday night a rapidly declining percentage of the population of the United States tunes in to MTV for another rage-inducing episode of Jersey Shore, the reality show phenomenon that dumps four “guidos” and four “guidettes” into a share house off the boardwalk of the New Jersey shore and follows them as they drink, dance, and argue their way through another summer. Me, I’ve got a soft spot for the house newest resident, Deena, the self-described “blast in a glass,” who constantly seems to be unlucky in both love and lust while her roommates “get it in” on a near-nightly basis. Those in committed relationships, as absurd as that may seem, don’t seem to mind rubbing their sexual proclivities in Deena’s face, which is exactly what Jenni “JWOWW” Farley did on the most recent episode, The Truth Will Set You Free.

Intent on celebrating her one-year anniversary with muscle-bound boyfriend, Roger, with a night-long romp in the house “smoosh room” (where roommates takes their latest sexual conquests for a bit of privacy), JWOWW dragged her BFF (and America’s punching bag) Snooki to an adult novelty store and stocked up on supplies. Bringing home fake rose petals, bottles of Gatorade, fluffy pink handcuffs, and a Clone-a-Willy kit with which to immortalize Roger’s manhood, JWOWW was ensuring that her man’s jaw would be dragging along the presumably filthy shore house floor all the way to sexual heaven. Two key components of JWOWW’s seductive arsenal were The Screaming O Vibrating Ring and its big brother, The Big O, both of which are award-winning vibrating cock-rings designed to enhance pleasure for both partners when worn at the base of Rog… uh, “the man’s” erection.

These two most important items in her carnal armory we both snatched from a small red-and-white counter display and the company responsible for them, The Screaming O, seems mighty proud to be so blatantly featured on the show. “We’re glad we made it a special night for them,” The Screaming O’s Keith Caggiano told AVN. “The Screaming O helps couples stay connected , and since JWOWW and her boyfriend can’t see each other every day using our relationship tools and fun sexessories will surely keep things interesting.” Ah, “relationship tools,” is that what they’re called by folks in the know?