Idols Romp in Playboy Mansion

While you sit at home lazing on the sofa dreaming about nabbing a chance to not just step foot inside the Playboy Mansion, Hugh Hefner’s den of deliciously deviant behavior and some of the wildest parties Hollywood has ever known, American Idol’s nine surviving contestants are set to take up residence in, well, not the Playboy Mansion, but a a mansion nonetheless formerly occupied by the cast of Playboy TV’s recent reality fuckfest, “Swing.” Telling TMZ reporters about their relentless sexual adventures while they stayed at the lush ten bedroom Hollywood residence, swingers and former castmates, Michael and Holli also offered some advice to the new Idol occupants: watch where you sit.

“Swing” thrust real couples eager to experiment with open relationships into accommodations built for hooking up with anybody and everybody in sight. As a result, few places were off-limits when it came to satisfying ones desire. Michael and Holli detailed their activities and said no room or surface was off-limits when the swingers started swinging. In showers and elevators, outside, and on every floor and countertop in the residence, you could watch loving men and women share each other with other previously monogamous couples in fairly explicit detail on the Playboy TV show. Idols be warned: Hollywood ain’t the healthiest of towns and you just never know what’ll be stick to the back our your Blackberry should you set it down on a kitchen counter between tweets. And before you go grabbing that guitar and sitting on the music room floor for an impromptu Kumbaya singalong, you might want to check the carpet for stains; it turns out the room where the Idols will practice their warbling was once a mattress-filled pounding palace dubbed by the “The Boom Boom Room” Swing cast. Tasteful.

Smooshing and Screaming

Every Thursday night a rapidly declining percentage of the population of the United States tunes in to MTV for another rage-inducing episode of Jersey Shore, the reality show phenomenon that dumps four “guidos” and four “guidettes” into a share house off the boardwalk of the New Jersey shore and follows them as they drink, dance, and argue their way through another summer. Me, I’ve got a soft spot for the house newest resident, Deena, the self-described “blast in a glass,” who constantly seems to be unlucky in both love and lust while her roommates “get it in” on a near-nightly basis. Those in committed relationships, as absurd as that may seem, don’t seem to mind rubbing their sexual proclivities in Deena’s face, which is exactly what Jenni “JWOWW” Farley did on the most recent episode, The Truth Will Set You Free.

Intent on celebrating her one-year anniversary with muscle-bound boyfriend, Roger, with a night-long romp in the house “smoosh room” (where roommates takes their latest sexual conquests for a bit of privacy), JWOWW dragged her BFF (and America’s punching bag) Snooki to an adult novelty store and stocked up on supplies. Bringing home fake rose petals, bottles of Gatorade, fluffy pink handcuffs, and a Clone-a-Willy kit with which to immortalize Roger’s manhood, JWOWW was ensuring that her man’s jaw would be dragging along the presumably filthy shore house floor all the way to sexual heaven. Two key components of JWOWW’s seductive arsenal were The Screaming O Vibrating Ring and its big brother, The Big O, both of which are award-winning vibrating cock-rings designed to enhance pleasure for both partners when worn at the base of Rog… uh, “the man’s” erection.

These two most important items in her carnal armory we both snatched from a small red-and-white counter display and the company responsible for them, The Screaming O, seems mighty proud to be so blatantly featured on the show. “We’re glad we made it a special night for them,” The Screaming O’s Keith Caggiano told AVN. “The Screaming O helps couples stay connected , and since JWOWW and her boyfriend can’t see each other every day using our relationship tools and fun sexessories will surely keep things interesting.” Ah, “relationship tools,” is that what they’re called by folks in the know?

American Dad! XXX-Style!

American Dad XXXOn September 14, Paradox Pictures and Exquisite Films will release one of the most hotly anticipated parody porn titles of the year, American Dad XXX: An Exquisite Films Parody. An explicit adult reinterpretation of Seth MacFarlane’s much-loved animated comedy, American Dad XXX stars Andy San Dimas, Tasha Reign, Yurizan Beltran, Angelina Valentine and, as the Steve Smith, head of this bizarre family unit, legendary porn actor Evan Stone. The response from fans during the build-up to the titles release has been extraordinary, with the entire first print run of the DVD being snatched up by pre-orders. The YouTube trailer alone has been viewed more than 140,000 times, proving that if any parody title has a shot at eclipsing Lee Roy Myers’ A Wet Dream on Elm Street, it’s this parody of a contemporary cartoon classic starring a horny Alien, an agent, an ultra-liberal hippy chick, and a goldfish with the brain of an East German Olympic ski jumper.

 

Pink Pussy

Pink Pussy - DDF networkYou know what time it is? Mr. Pink’s Wacky, Strange, Bizarre, Curious, and often Downright Funny Porn Star name of the week.

This weeks featured star is a 23 year-old Hungarian hottie that is featured in over 20 hardcore scenes on the DDF Prod Network. Let me introduce you to Pink Pussy.

Pink Pussy combines two of my favorite things, the color pink and pussy. And while our favorite outer-space jizz-box jockey Captain James T. Kirk may have had an intergalactic hard-on for Green Pussy, most earthbound men still prefer Pink Pussy over Space Pussy.

Simply stated, nothing beats Pink Pussy!