I’ve made a terrible mistake and I don’t know how to undo things. About 2 yrs ago my husband I were fighting, a lot. I found myself wanting to have a man talk nice to me, and be comforting, and I had an affair. It only happened once, and I was so ashamed of myself I didn’t know how to handle it. I confided in a friend and I thought I could trust her. Now, she’s blackmailing me of sorts. She drops little remarks in front of my husband that, if he were a suspicious man, he would have picked up on immediately, and, she’s now flirting with him every chance she gets. Oh, and I just found out a few days ago that she and her husband have filed for divorce. I’m afraid she’s going to spill the beans, I’m afraid I’ve ruined our marriage and just when things were going much better for us.

- Unfaithful

My first thought is to tell you to stop beating yourself up for having the affair. Granted, it wasn’t the right thing to do in the moral sense, but, what’s done is done, now it’s time to address your concerns.  Many others before you and after you will carry out the same actions and the majority of them will feel as much remorse as you do right now.

The fact that you said before mentioning the sharing of information with your friend that you felt miserable tells me you truly do wish it hadn’t happened, you had an immediate regret. You were vulnerable and needful and the hardcore pleasure of sharing intimacy with someone is what you thought would make you feel better at the time, but, all it did was open a new problem that you now don’t know how to deal with.

As for your, “friend,” and I use that term loosely, you learned the hard way what many others have known for a very long time, trust no one in the respect of them one day being able to use your words as ammunition against you. I can understand you needing to vent and share, it was probably much like an internal combustion, you needed the release. However, it seems as if your “friend” is going to use this to her advantage, she’s maybe always had a keen eye for your husband, and now that she’s going through a divorce and she has this secret of yours, she may work it as foreplay to move her way between the cool cotton sheets with your spouse.

You said things were going better in your marriage, which tells me any advances she may try to make, will probably fall upon deaf ears just as her insinuations have done.  She may not really have any intention of spilling the beans, but since it is a possibility, and it’s much harder to get the cat back into the bag once it’s been let go, my suggestion would be to come clean with your husband. Sit him down, tell him what happened, express how remorseful you feel about what took place and that it would never happen again. Let him deal with it in his own way, but let him know that your heart is with him.

Let your “friend” feel as if she doesn’t have a secret to stand on, and then share passionate, hardcore, uninhibited sex with your spouse each and every night, proving to him that your desires are for him only.  Actions speak louder than words, unleash your guilt and your arousal, be yourself, be honest and be happy.

Thanks to recent advancements such as Microsoft’s Kinect camera, digital display glasses, neuro-operated controllers, and haptic sex toys, ThriXXX is confidently packaging a range of devices together with software that will see users fondling and even fucking the bodies of avatars existing only in the digital (or virtual) realm.

Combining the power of the Kinect’s gesture based controls, a Zeiss pair of USB mounted display glasses, Mindwave’s Neurosky Controller, advanced webcam technology, 3D graphics from nVidia, and Fleshlight’s USB Vstroker, ThriXXX aims to have users watching and interacting with porn in an entirely immersive fashion. From the 3D graphics appearing onscreen to motion detection tracking their movements (basic missionary thrusting, of course), speech recognition software reacting to verbal commands, a brainwave-operated controller tracking their rising intensity, and Fleshlight’s VStroker doing everything else (but more genitally-oriented), ThriXXX’s VRSexKit (at a projected cost of less than $1,500, promises to be the next legitimate step towards a completely virtual, completely satisfying sexual experience.

Not everybody is on board, though, and we’ll address some of the naysayers’ complaints later this week right here at Mr. Pink’s.

We open on Hollywood Blvd. It’s early on a Saturday afternoon. An unlicensed Elmo-costumed street performer coaxes a tourist into parting with $5 for a photo. T-shirt vendors restock their displays with product as another happy customer walks off with an unlicensed “Dude Abides” tee. The right wall of the vendor’s store suddenly collapses, causing everyone in the vicinity to stare startled at the wreckage. The ground starts shaking and the locals duck into doorways and under structural supports. Then, towering over the five-story Hollywood and Highland center, bounding in from the east comes a colossal pussy, its thundering queefs blowing eardrums as it hurls HPV bombs at the people on the street below.

Well, that’s not quite what happened, but Michael Douglas did last week tell the Guardian that a cause, if not the cause, of the throat cancer he recently recovered from was the HPV (Human Papillomavirus) transmitted orally to him via cunnilingus. Yeah, that’s right he nuzzled up to an HPV-infected woman (not necessarily his wife; he is a tinsel town legend, after all) and now believes that particular activity was what led to a tumor at the base of his tongue; not years of heavy drinking, smoking, and God knows what else, but eating pussy.

While you may scoff at the notion of oral sex causing cancer, the CDC claims HPV leads to throat cancer in 1,700 women and 6,700 men annually. In fact, data offered by the American Association for the Advancement of Science suggests tobacco has been knocked from its top spot as the leading cause of oral (neck, mouth, and throat) cancer in men by HPV. An noted in CNN’s article on Douglas’ revelation, according to Dr. Anil Chaturvedi of the National Cancer Institute “The precise reasons for the survival benefits are not clear, but tumors in HPV-positive patients tend to have less genetic damage. Because of that, they are more responsive to cancer therapies like radiation treatment.”

Anyone who’s seen Douglas’ turn as he of the mirrored piano and impossible pomp, Liberace, in HBO’s Behind the Candelabra, can certainly attest to the actor/producer’s recovery: it’s his most dynamic and accomplished role in years.

Writing for the Playboy site’s Sex & Dating section, Crimson details five key ways to ensure you not only receive great blowjobs, but are worthy of them, too.

- Presentation is key, Crimson says, advising would-be tonsil-ticklers to wash up, trim excess follicles, and ensure underwear (if worn) is free of stains, holes, and loose waistbands. Ditch your crusty Fruit of the Looms, fellas, and spring for a couple pairs of Calvins.

- Inspiration. Here, mainstream porn takes some criticism from Crimson, one of the few outside voices attempting to curb the hyper-aggressive face-fucking prevalent in today’s porn. She suggests warming up your lady (and yourself) with some “sensual, respectful, and beautiful blowjob porn”. (Gee, I wonder where you’d find such stuff…)

- Communication is arguably the most direct path to oral satisfaction. “Without getting too bossy, voice your desires and get what you want out of the blowjob,” she advises. This relates to the culmination of the act, too. “It’s not bad to want to come in her mouth, on her face, on her breasts… but give a heads-up before you do and leave it open for her to suggest an alternative if she wants.”

- While she’s exhausting her jaw and tongue for your pleasure, you could at least show some Appreciation. When you’re going down on her (which we’ll get to in a moment), you want to know you’re doing something right, right? Well, then, tell her when she’s pleasing you either with a few whispered words of encouragement or simply moaning and thanking her afterwards.

- The most enjoyable of all Camille Crimson’s blowjob tips: Reciprocation! She might’ve given you a headie for the ages, but unless you’ve been attentive to her needs – use your fingers, your mouth, a toy, or make her wait her turn – it’s not likely to be a thrill repeated anytime soon. And, for chrissakes, don’t just go through the motions! Help her feel the way you felt and you’ll be well on your way to a permanent grin the envy of all men.

I guess I should begin by saying I’m a 35 year old woman, never married and not a professional at relationships period. I’ve always been very shy and to be honest, I was in my late 20’s before losing my virginity. I reached puberty early in life and have always had a high sex drive, but, have always used masturbation as my release. The problem with that, the fantasies I would come up with. I have a wild imagination and as the years went on, it took extreme things to really have me satisfied, even with high powered sex toys involved.  Now that I am having more dates and being more active, I’m not finding myself as turned on by the men in my bed as I can get from my own imagination, have I ruined myself?

Dirty Dreamer

Dear Dirty,

There’s nothing written in stone as to what is a suitable or acceptable age for losing your virginity, some are earlier in life than others, but thank goodness, we always are in possession of the box our cherry came from! If the world were open and honest about taboo topics, we’d probably find the majority of the population experienced their first orgasm by their own hands, and even if they find themselves in a steady relationship, marriage, whatever the case may be, there’s still something familiar, comfortable and exciting about stealing those private moments of masturbation, it’s like cumming home to an old friend.

It sounds as if even though your saturation was solo generated, it was done for a very long time, and I’m guessing frequently, so, you achieved a routine and not just an orgasm. No one knows their body like themselves, but, when you’re in the right relationship, the exploration and training sessions can be extremely stimulating. You didn’t say if your dates of late have been more of the one night stand type, or those where you’re building on something  a bit more long term, but, if you are seeing someone on a steady basis, explain to them you bloomed a bit later in life with your shared lust and you need someone to take the time to make you feel like a woman, even in the presence of a man.

If a guy truly wants to be in a relationship with you, he’ll not just see it as a challenge, but also as a portal into a deeper connection, both physically and emotionally. Share some of your taboo fantasies, while sharing pillow talk during foreplay, explain in detail the things that would turn you on like the switch of your vibrator, he’ll become more aroused and so will you by feeling as if you’re “living out” your dirty dreams. It could turn into a win/win sexual situation.

One thing to keep in mind, when you close your eyes, you can be anywhere you want to be, you’re not bound to the bed you’re sharing with your lover, or by yourself for that matter. It’s okay to fantasize even when you’re with someone, that’s all a part of human nature, just because your sexual interludes now include a partner doesn’t mean you have to shut down the erogenous zone of your brain, the two can go hand in hand nicely. Be yourself, be wild, and be honest, and if he can’t handle your physical needs for orgasm, then maybe he’s not the man for you, but luckily, as the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, so toss your rod back in the water and see if you pull back a keeper. After all, with your practice, you’re already a “master-baiter!” Hang a sign on your door that says, “Gone Fishin’” and then head for the watering hole!

Talking to The Daily Beast, Bay revealed that after he spent $75,000 on a treasure trove of the sex toy industry’s greatest creations, someone or someones managed to take off with a good chunk of them. A confounded Bay explains as best he can:

“We bought $75,000 worth of sex toys to stock the sex-toy warehouse. I could have filmed the crew coming in that day because they’d stop and see these things—anatomically correct vajayjays and this butt (everyone would touch the butt because it felt real)—and it was hysterical. We were going to return all the sex toys to get three-quarters of our money back, but they started disappearing. We were like, “Who is taking the sex toys?”

One cast member not likely to be the culprit is Rebel Wilson, seen below wielding her own artificial bedroom spicer-upper, a pair of nunchaku, that she pulled out when Bay requested the sex scene they were shooting needed to be sexier. Clearly this a woman with a strong arsenal all her own.

Personally, I’m putting my money on Peter “Where is Pancakes House?” Stormare.

For those of you not throwing up your breakfast… J&D’s Bacon Condoms are made of latex but instead smell and taste of freshly sizzled rashers of fatty hog flesh. While I cannot at this time report on how these Bacon Condoms feel against human skin, they also look quite a bit like bacon given the fleshy, meaty design patterned on each, uh, unit. Like most bacon-celebrating products, demand has proven quite high for J&D’s absurd (and absurdly delicious) contraceptive product. Already out of stock after only a month on the market, Bacon Condoms can be yours if you add your name to the waiting list… or hit the supermarket for some DIY porking and poking.

Meanwhile, apparently in reciprocation for the increasingly Americanized and anglicized nature of recent Culioneros’ updates, Bang Bros has similarly shifted its casting directives to include more women from Latin American countries, Colombia specifically. Big Tits, Round Asses and Ass Parade have both featured Colombian women in recent weeks – Natalie and Juliana in two scenes each, Rianna in one – and with the sharing of models between the two networks becoming increasingly common, there’s no reason to suspect this intercontinental babe-swapping won’t continue for a while. That’s great news if you’ve varied taste but only enough dough for one network subscription, but not so great if you’re a viewer with very, very specific requirements.

When the 23-year-old Ohioan burst onto the scene in 2010′s Whores on the 14th under the watchful eye of director Belladonna, she wasted no time winning over a huge contingent of porno fanatics with her impressive oral and anal skills. Now, however, she shuffles off to begin another, more private phase of her life. As she focuses on her education and a relationship she says contributed to her decision to leave adult – “When you reach a point where you loathe heading to set because there’s only one person in the world you have any desire to have sex with, it’s time to move on from sex work…” – Lee hopes fans will look forward to her last performances in the forthcoming Vivid remake of classic Behind the Green Door and the follow up to John Stagliano’s acclaimed Voracious, due to start shooting later this month.

Adding to the recent implementation of a Jump to Action feature that, as detailed in late 2011 by Mr. Pink’s, allows viewers to skip straight to their preferred sexual activity with a simple mouse click, ), Brazzers now provides not only a full rundown of what happens in a given scene, but how much of the runtime is occupied by each act. Check out this image of what they’re calling Fuck Stats:

The scene in question, a rather frenetic tag-team with Christy Mack and Madison Ivy, offers viewers almost six whole minutes of fellatio, most of it with both women providing the spit ‘n’ shine. Going down the list, prospective viewers into ass licking will note that it only makes a brief appearance. With this knowledge they might venture deeper into Brazzers’ archive to find another scene offering more attentive anilingus; perhaps even to another site.

But what of the joys of discovery that this new tool removes from the porn viewing equation? Once upon a time we’d hit ‘play’ with only a basic premise and cast list upon which to base our selection. Sure, plenty of those scenes chosen ended up being too boring or boner-killing to revisit, but many surprised us with hidden gems like oral creampies or brief anal excursions that we’d then discuss amongst our fellow viewers, solidifying a community and encouraging knowledgable contributions from all. Now, with Brazzers telling us exactly when, where, how, and for how long everything happens, some of the magic is disappearing and it’s all in the name of instant gratification. But then, that’s porn…