Kink’s Horrific Haunted House

Kink.comI’m all out of candy and I’m through being nice to other people’s spawn, but I’m nonetheless a bit sad that Halloween has come and gone for another year. Whatever your celebratory habits may be, the immediately-post-Halloween period can bring you hurtling back to reality and leave you an ugly, depressed mess. In an effort to cheer up both myself and you, dear reader, I figured I’d try to keep the Halloween porn-party going with some scintillating tidbits that reveal how some very lucky Kink fans celebrated All Hallows’ this year.

In collaboration with theatrical circus troupe, Vau de Vire Society, Kink.com this year launched it’s very first immersive, interactive Halloween experience they call Hell in the Armory. Reporting for Vice, Anubha Momin attended the inaugural horror-fest and found things slightly more terrifying that arousing. Featuring such horrific scenes (all performed live by Kink and Vau de Vire members) as a woman’s abduction by a voracious werewolf, an asylum inmate ranting maniacally about her ghoulish child, an insane and blood-thirsty doctor operating (read: reconfiguring) his patient’s limbs, a vaudeville-style musical zombie trio, and a clown content to masturbate all night in a public phone booth.

Hell in the Armory
Hell in the Armory – Photo courtesy of Vice.com

By far the most outlandish event of the evening was, according to Momin, when she entered a well-stocked meat locker to find a bearded figure nailed to a wooden cross. Naked, bleeding, and intent on converting his audience to his particular faith, the bibles at his feet an obvious clue as to his identity. Suddenly, though, JC’s sermon from the cross was interrupted by a “maniacal butcher with a chainsaw” who barged in and headed straight for the soon-to-be-crucified-figure’s torso, plunging his blade deep into the dude’s chest and belly.

Hell in the Armory
Hell in the Armory – Photo courtesy of Vice.com

There’s no word yet as to whether Hell in the Armory will run again next year after 2014’s sold out season, or whether Kink and Vau de Vire Society will create an all-new attraction. Even if Halloween 2015 sees an empty spot on Kink’s calendar, you could always head over to the Armory, stand outside on a chilly San Francisco evening, and imagine the horrors unfolding inside a sexual hell of Kink’s making.

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