Re-Gifting for Porn’s Sake

The holiday season traditionally sees an exchange of gifts between friends and family members, tokens of appreciation for putting up with each others’ idiosyncrasies and issues for another year. Unfortunately, the desire to give the perfect (or at least perfectly usable) gift often outweighs the personal element. Case in point: the gift card.

gift cards pay for porn

Handed out en masse every holiday season and easily purchased from supermarkets, gas stations, corner stores, 7-Elevens, and many other vendors, a gift card entitles the bearer to spend a predetermined, stated amount at a corresponding store. But what if you loathe L.L.Bean’s collegiate winter wear, object to Wal-Mart’s dominance of national and now international retail, or simply won’t set foot in a DSW for fear of contaminating your feet with the stench of others’? What do you do with your apparently useless gift cards then? Why, purchase some porn, of course!

With a number of adult sites and networks now accepting payment via store-affiliated gift card, I thought a rundown of such smut vendors would serve to enlighten you, dear readers, as to your spending options. And, hey, think of this way: when your father-in-law asks what you ended up buying from Home Depot, you can let him know that whacking it to Jayden Jaymes’s marvelous heaving breasts was more important than a new ball-peen hammer. Maybe.

Spend your unwanted gift cards at the following adult emporiums and ensure no gift card goes to waste. The gift card in my wallet, a $15 Starbucks card, could buy you the following membership stints at the following sites (with duration and price changing per gift card brand and value):

– 16 days with the amply-titted anal-loving fuck-freaks of Brazzers.
– 26 days with Naughty America’s MILFs and housewives and step-sisters.
– 9 days of ogling DDF Network’s European goddesses, foot fetishists, teen lesbians, and busty beauties.
– 30 days marveling at Videobox’s impossibly wide range of on-demand smut.
– 14 days, a solid fortnight, checking out the legendary Hustler archives.
– 14 days with Spizoo, the 13-site globe-trotting pornstar-fucking extravaganza.

Conditions apply, of course (minimum $10 balance, certain card brands only) but at least there’s finally a way to rid yourself of hard plastic currency usable only at unsexy stores that most certainly don’t stock Interracial Booty Intruders, Mommy Needs Money #2, or an HD version of Pirates 2: Stagnetti’s Revenge.

 

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Gone, But Not Forgotten: Porn’s 2014 Retirees

2014's retired pornstars

As one year closes and another dawns, and as a genuine legend of porn and one of the most memorable mainstream crossover successes in recent years retires (that’d be Lisa Ann), it’s well worth remembering the handful of other adult performers, women specifically, who for whatever reason decided 2014 would see the end of their porn careers and, as far as we forward-looking porn fans are concerned, the end of each of them as we know it. (Save those heading for self-employment through webcam, bless them!) Adult performers hanging up their bedazzled thongs this year included the following five Mr. Pink’s faves:

Evelyn Lin: now hosting club nights at various, uh, nightclubs around North America.

Holly Michaels: engaged, she left porn and, if her Amazon Wish List is any indication, might have started a family!

Mischa Brooks: quietly stopped working and announced her retirement from “adult” with assurances that we’d “see her soon” – whatever that means.

Alina Li: after a bad experience with a certain notoriously edgy BDSM studio, would prefer to wait tables at this point.

Abella Anderson: in business for herself and now selling swimwear, makeup, and prints of her fine self at Alluring Star; she also performs live on Camster.

Hey, at least ass-tastic Jynx Maze, who apparently retired earlier this year, is back in action! Hopefully she’ll inspire some bold and adventurous newcomers to enter porn and fill the void left by the above dear departed stars.

Check out some of Mr. Pink’s  favorite pornstars (retired and active) at Evil Angel

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China Against Porn in 2015

anti-porn

Throughout 2014, Chinese government officials have been cracking down on pornographic online content, successfully relaunching their campaign to wipe out sexually explicit material behind the Great Firewall. As 2015 is set to see even more aggressive disruption, why don’t we take a look back at the year that was and remember those valiant Chinese who fell under the anti-gambling and anti-porn crackdowns of 2014.

The National Anti-Pornography and Anti-Illegal Publications Office (which sure sounds like a hoot to work for) revealed more details of the year’s haul in a press release last week. According to the press release, the department investigated some 8,344 “pornography and illegal publication” cases this year. Surprisingly, though, only 844 involved printed porn and there were just 584 cases involving Internet porn. (Piracy, at 2,687 cases, is still the most prominent problem.)

Details of the individuals accused or charged are difficult to find, though one such offender, identified only as Zhong by China News Service, found himself sentenced to 14 months after being caught with more than 200 “prepared discs” containing sexually explicit imagery. The kicker, though, is that Zhong allegedly only sold 20 of these discs for a profit of 40 RMB (less than $6.50 USD).

Will 2015 see an even more aggressive anti-porn onslaught from government agencies or is there a chance China will lighten up, sexually speaking, in the new year? If this month’s reports of mass anti-porn arrests – I’m talkin’ over 3,000 people in southern province Guandong are any indication – China’s just getting started. With more than 8,000 already held in criminal detention as of mid-December, it’s clear pornographers are still being seriously targeted as, along with those seeking religious, artistic, journalistic freedom, enemies of the state.

However you want to factor a prayer (or attentive psychic transmissions of ‘good vibes’ for you secular folk) into your New Year’s resolutions is fine by me, just remember those who’ve fallen in the line of booty, sacrificing their freedom just to get their fellow countrymen off. Without them, your masturbation means little. Let your freak flag fly in 2015!

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Spend the New Year with Tori Black

tori black webcam

As I head out for sufficient supplies to ensure tonight is a New Year’s Eve to remember – alcohol, party hats, a four-channel power amplifier, prophylactics, more alcohol, six bags of Brite Crawlers, some “herbal supplements”, a little more alcohol, and my date, of course – let me leave those of you without plans something to get excited about: ringing in the New Year with the one, the only, the unstoppably sexy Tori Black.

Part of Porn.com’s regular #FreeCamFridays program, Ms. Black’s live webcam appearance this coming Friday, January 2nd (at 6pm PST) gives you a chance to party down with one of porn’s most desired and revered women, all through the miracle of webcam video sharing. Porn.com cam manager Jack T. speaks very highly of the star, calling her “the world’s arguably most popular pornstar,” adding “I can’t think of a better way to start off the New Year.” As a free show, anyone over the age of 18 can enter Black’s chat room to observe and engage with the star, who’ll be taking time away from her blossoming family to cement some bread-and-butter relationships with fans. Devoted admirers after more intimate interactions will be able to take Ms. Black into private and group shows by purchasing tokens, which can (and should) also be used to tip the multi-award-winning performer.

And for those of us to whom New Year’s Eve delivers nothing but drunken buffoonery and romantic disappointment (even with Tori Black’s involvement) there’s plenty of archived holiday-themed pornstar cam shows ready to roll. Lexi Belle’s Halloween Happening or Allie Haze’s Milky White Christmas, anyone?

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The Interview Heads to Hustler

the interview

Now that Sony Pictures has cancelled all release plans for the controversial Seth Rogen, James Franco comedy The Interview, prospective fans are wondering if the film will find another life after the nightmare of its proposed theatrical release. North Korean supreme leader, King Jong Un has denied his government had connection to an invasive hack that brought Sony Pictures to its digital knees, a connection strongly suggested by media pundits. Americans are rightfully concerned that Sony’s bowing to the wishes of a cyber-terrorist group, no matter how dubious their origins, sets a precedent for erasing our hard-won freedom to laugh at whatever the fuck we want. And that, dear reader, is something Larry Flynt of Hustler Magazine holds very, very dear.

Telling the Hollywood Reporter that he’d “spent a lifetime fighting for the First Amendment,” and declaring that “no foreign dictator is going to take away [his] right to free speech,” Flynt announced This Ain’t The Interview XXX, his company’s parody version of the doomed political comedy. “If Kim Jong Un and his henchmen were upset before, wait till they see the movie we’re going to make.”

And, whaddya know, it appears President Obama might be right on Flynt’s side this time: “We cannot have a society in which some dictators someplace can start imposing censorship here in the United States because if somebody is able to intimidate us out of releasing a satirical movie, imagine what they start doing once they see a documentary that they don’t like or news reports that they don’t like. That’s not who we are. That’s not what America is about.”

No, he’s right. America’s about tits. Lots and lots of tits. (And maybe some heavy duty ass, too!)

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