Mr. Pink's Blog

Porn Parody Roundup!

The porn parody craze that has been sweeping the industry for a couple of years shows no sign of abating anytime soon and there are plenty of parodies of pop culture icons hitting the shelves (both IRL and online) now and in the near future. Hardcore takes on everything from The Hangover to semi-obscure Batman-related all-female superhero trios to alien-zapping government agents are set to take over your small (or egregiously large) computer or TV screen, so I, Mr. Pink, decided to keep you filled in on all the whos and wherefores and WTFs of the latest slate of porn parody hits.

Hairy Twatter: In Search of Bush sees a bespectacled young wizard anxiously sift through the female students of Whore’s Wart’s School for Witches and Wizards in search of his holy grail: a girl with a bushy pussy. Frustrated, Harry grabs his wand and lets loose some dark magic to bring these bald twats to hirsute life. From DreamZone Entertainment, Hairy Twatter stars Jessie Andrews, Nora Sky, Katie St. Ives, Seth Gamble, Michael Vegas and more; written and directed by Jordan Septo, Hairy Twatter: In Search of Bush has just been released and is already casting its spell on many viewers.

The Official Hangover Parody might not be the most inventive name for, well, an official parody of the Vegas-destroying hit comedy, The Hangover, but with a lineup including Brooklyn Lee, Dana Dearmond, Misty Stone, Lexi Belle, Tori Black and Skin Diamond, and with James Deen, Marco Banderas, and Dane Cross as the drunkenly debaucherous trio of bachelor partying buddies, this effort from Spock Buckton and Brian Bangs is sure to be a hoot. (And it also features Ron Jeremy in a reportedly hilarious cameo appearance.) By the time you read this, The Official Hangover Parody should be hitting shelves and online retailers, so get crackin’, bros!

While it might not be as obvious a choice for parody as Batman himself, Birds of Prey XXX sees Brooklyn Lee, Gracie Glam, and Kagney Linn Karter hit the streets of Gotham to solve the crimes the Caped Crusader simply doesn’t have time to attend to. As Oracle, Huntress, and Black Canary respectively, this trio of immensely popular pornstars don some rather racy costumes and burst onto the parody porn scene thanks to Sinister Comixxx as they confront Gotham’s latest she-menaces, Alexis Texas, Chanel Preston, and Lizzy Borden. Out now, Birds of Prey XXX is available in a deluxe 3-DVD metal collector’s tin and online through Extreme Entertainment Network’s Roku hookup.

Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are the last guys you’d want to see in a hardcore porn movie – your girlfriend and your mother, however, might take different stances – but their alien-fighting characters from the roaringly successful franchise from Columbia Pictures Entertainment are given the hardcore parody treatment thanks to Wicked Pictures and director Brad Armstrong. Starring Ethan Hunt and Randy Spears are the guys wielding the biggest ray-guns here and they’re aiming them at Misty Stone, India Summer, Isis Taylor, Nicole Aniston and a handful of other babes, Earthlings and otherwise. Oh yeah, and Xander Corvus plays a floating worm with a humanoid head. Go figure.

What, no parody of Red Tails or Frankenweenie?

Stoya’s Hysterical Literature

Stoya Stoya, the Digital Playground contract star and winner of 2009’s AVN Award for Best New Starlet, has followed Sasha Grey’s lead and taken up reading in an unusual environment. While Grey read to students and courted controversy for doing so, Stoya wisely decided to keep her bibliophilia strictly adult and, at the request of photographer Clayton Cubitt, read from Supervert’s high-brow guide to posthumous hanky panky, while sitting astride a powered-up Hitachi Magic Wand. Sounds just like the kind of thing to get you back to your local library, doesn’t it?

On her Tumblr, Stoya blogged about the experience and invited fans to read her musings on her first genuinely positive experience with a vibrator, which may or may not have been made enjoyable by the reading of said literature. With Cubitt requesting she dress like she was going on a date with a man, not a boy, Stoya turned up for her reading in a Vivienne Westwood dress, “sophisticated and expensive” panties, simple makeup, and very high but not impractical heels. Then she sat down at a desk with her chosen tome and began to read as the Hitachi kicked into gear. What followed, dear reader, was a mind-blowing combination of high-brow erotic literature and a mind-blowing orgasm; in short: the stuff of which dreams are made.

Note: Stoya cums pretty damn hard in this video, so you might wanna throw on some headphones before hitting play.

Small Shaft Dude

Missy Pink;

I’m nearly 37 years old, and I’ve only been with two women. Everyone says I’m handsome, I work out, have plenty of muscles, I’m more than financially stable, but, my penis size is only 4 1/2″ when totally erect. I’m ashamed, so, I avoid being with women or showering in locker rooms, knowing I’ll be humiliated. I need confidence, and inches!

Small Shaft Dude

Dear Small Shaft Dude;

First of all, let me say, there’s nothing written in stone as to a perfect size for the male penis. There are many more things that go into the attraction phase of a relationship than how far “Willy” will stretch for his target. Yes, there are men out there with appendages that hang long and thick, and you always hear of women breaking out in a sweat when seeing their huge size, but, did you ever think that sweat may be from fear and not excitement?

Women enjoy being satisfied, but, with something very large in size, at times it’s painful more than pleasurable, too much emphasis is put on how great a man is by his manhood. You say you’re handsome, physically and financially fit, but even those qualities hold great importance in the more shallow minds. Get in touch with the kindness in your heart, the treating your girlfriend like a queen, honesty, and fidelity, those are just as stimulating as the size of your cock.

Do research on the many different sexual positions, there are ways to make 4 ½” feel like a foot when utilized correctly. Incorporate things into your foreplay that will pleasure you both, such as toys, oils, massages, and of course having a talented tongue will definitely go a long way in those lust filled moments. When a couple has mutual respect, and emotions for one another, it’s not what you’re packing in your pants in the bedroom, it’s what you display when in public. Be the man of her dreams, stop worrying about the man in her wet dreams.

As for the locker room, wrap a towel around your mid-section and let your buddies wonder how much you have hanging, no one says you have to make your privates… public. Be who you are, be proud of what you have, the rest will fall into place, possibly in a missionary style position??

Missy Pink

Fleshlight Goes Interactive

Fleshlight, the company that brought you molded masturbator sheaths in the shape of the pussies of pornstars Asa Akira, Tori Black, Lisa Ann, Jesse Jane, Jessica Drake and others, has upped the game once again by introducing Vstroker, a customizable, reactive attachment that fits any Fleshlight and puts you on a pleasure plane high above anything you’ve ever tried before.

A definite challenge to the interactive RealTouch device, which reacts to onscreen action, tightening its grip and increasing the pace of its contractions as the scene on your computer screen heats up, Vstroker instead puts you, not the video you’re watching, in charge of your artificially amplified beating off. With a motion sensor attachment and a wireless USB connector bridging the physical gap between your PC and your dick, Vstroker monitors the speed and ferocity of your thrusting and either speeds up or slows down the onscreen hardcore action to suit your pace.

With Fleshlight Girls Misty Stone and Asa Akira already providing tailor-made interactive video content that lets you fuck their mouths, pussies, and asses however you please, Vstroker is certainly off to a strong start. Can it wrangle domination of the interactive masturbator market from the soon-to-be-reviewed-by-yours-truly Real Touch, though? Would you prefer to sit back, enter your chosen orifice and let the girl take control of your pleasure or are you determined to do it your own way? Whatever your preference, it’s clear the future of interactive cyber sex is landing on the doorsteps of horny porn fan, wrapped discreetly in brown paper, right fucking now. This is the future we’ve been waiting for!