Dear Missy Pink;
I’m sure you hear a lot of odd questions coming across your desk, but I have an issue that has me at my wits end trying to figure out how to handle it. I’ve always considered myself to be normal when it comes to sexual excitement, not always strictly vanilla, but, I don’t teeter over too far into fetish things, they just don’t excite me, but, my husband is another story. We live in a very nice apartment complex, on the third floor, and there is a circle courtyard layout that has another building wrapping around directly across from us. There’s a couple that moved in about 6 months ago, about our age and very free with their sexual expressions, to the point of leaving lights on and curtains open when they have wild sexual times. I’m not a prude, and the first time we noticed them from our bedroom window, I watched right along with my husband, mostly because it’s not something you see every day, it gave that taboo, kinky sort of excitement, but then, after a few minutes I tired of it, and after multiple times a week having it happen, I was pretty much disgusted by it. My husband however has become obsessed with watching them, he’s actually re-arranged our bedroom furniture so the view takes no effort for him, and as soon as the clock chimes at 9pm, he leaves me in the living room to go spend time being a peeping-tom. Of course I’m getting plenty of sex now myself, which I’m not complaining about, but, it seems the only time he can be intimate with me, is while watching them, if I tell him I think it’s gross and I don’t get turned on like he does, he tells me to go back and watch TV in the other room, he’ll just jack-off. It seems like this couple’s display of being exhibitionists is all he thinks about, and quite frankly, I’m becoming worried, does he have a serious problem?
Sickened By Show-Offs
Dear Sickened;
Well, it does indeed seem like you have a bit of a problem on your hands. First of all, let’s look at this logically, if you’re going to have someone putting on a display of public sex, being exhibitionist as you so correctly labeled them to be, probably 90% of the population would stop and watch. Sort of like an accident – you don’t want to see it, but you can’t take your eyes away from it either. You are of a more strict nature with your desires, since you watched for awhile, found it intriguing and enjoyed the fetish aspect, but then you were happy with life as it’s always been, and you didn’t need to watch the neighbors doing the mattress mambo to put you in the mood for dancing.
You could always go visit the neighbors, maybe bake some muffins and ask them to keep their biscuits covered at night, but, chances are, that will just alienate them and anger them, feeling as though their right to be free is being jeopardized, which could lead to either some bad neighborly situations, or, they may become even more wild in their sexual displays. Granted, consideration on their part should be taken, but at the same time, they’re paying their rent, the same as everyone else, and they are living life as they enjoy it.
You’re actually dealing with two issues here, the first being, they are indeed exhibitionists, and the second being, your husband has discovered his voyeur side and it’s in full bloom. If he only wants to have sex with you, when the neighbors are having sex with one another, well, that tells me you’d better stock up on lotion, because I don’t think you’re going to be offering him any lubrication any time soon. To move the bedroom furniture as you said he’s done, in order to have the best, non restricting view, yes, he’s drawn in deeply. I wonder what will happen when their lease expires, if they happen to move, where is that going to leave your mate? There will be a void that he’s going to ache to have filled in some means or manner. He’s hooked, and like a lot of other things that can become an addiction, he’ll need his fornicating fix, and this may create some deeper marital issues than the one you’re facing now.
This has seemingly gone past the point of playful peeping, it’s now become a consuming need for your spouse. Your union is being affected by his voyeurism fetish. I really think if there’s a way to mention it, with tact to your neighbors, that would be a good beginning. I wouldn’t reveal your husband’s response to their romping in plain view, I would just politely say that whether they’re aware of it or not, their bedroom is directly across from yours, and you didn’t want them to be ashamed for the fact they can be seen. Maybe they honestly believe being three floors up, there would be no cause to hide anything, and if you approach it in that manner, they might think you’re doing it as a favor to them. As for your husband, you really need to have a heart to hard-on discussion with him, let him know his actions have exceeded what you feel is normal and you’re worried about him and your marriage. If there’s still a shred of decency within him, he’ll hear you, understand and act upon your concerns, if not, then you might want to recommend talking with a professional. That may seem a bit drastic, but, as I said, I’m a little concerned about how this may escalade. By all means, keep a logical head in dealing with it, don’t let your emotions run away with you, and please, please, whatever you do, don’t buy your husband binoculars for his birthday!
A few notable exceptions aside, rock ‘n’ roll is generally considered a man’s game, and heavy rock is especially male dominated. Babes in Toyland might have been one of the most ferocious punk bands of the last twenty-five years but nobody gives a shit anymore and a lot people still believe that women aren’t supposed to rock unless they’re dressed in skintight pleather and belting it out Xtina-style. Now, though, one woman appears to be challenging that notion in a pretty surprising way.
