Animated and Underrated

With 1080p High Definition porn throwing everyone and his brother all into a tizzy, you might think all other forms of pornographic expression had suddenly become obsolete. In dozens of online communities, however, an ancient digital image format is curiously finding new use as a sexually provocative blogging aid. Graphics Interchange Format, more commonly known as GIF, used to be regarded as a format only used by game developers, bulletin board nerdlingers, and people who think brief 256-color animations of pinwheels are a remarkable display of advance technology. Nowadays the GIF is being plastered all over the ‘net and usually in NSFW environments, to boot!

It started on message boards then worked its way into the mainstream via Tumblr, but the resurgence in GIF appreciation still seems lost on many people, whether they’ve embraced Tumblr or not. Sure, the detail in an animated GIF isn’t very good and the colors look kinda blotchy and god knows there’s no audio, but there sure is something pretty exciting about watching, say, London Keyes get take the exact same eleven inches of man-meat over and over and over again, forever repeating until you move onto something else or blow an almighty load.

Clearly the best thing about GIFs, though, is that they’re so small, so short, and so deliciously hypnotic that they can be enjoyed by fans everywhere without the studios worrying that their products are simply being stolen from them and reproduced poorly and in full elsewhere. Think of GIF Porn as the ultimate content sampling tool. There’s a whole world of pornographic delights out there and the Tumblrs, blogs, and message boards that pass these illicit visual treats around could be the industry’s most underutilized marketing tool. Who do you think is going to make hotter gifs, the A/V whizzes at Zero Tolerance and Reality Kings or some 19-year-old dude with too much time (and moisturizer) on his hands? Exactly my point.

The Goat, The Van, The Pornstar & His Buddy

Ramon at Bang Bros

It is a generally accepted rule that, at some point in their career, every pornstar will have a run in with Johnny Law. Whether something slight (Mary Carey touching herself while stripping in Washington state) or truly horrifying (Brian Surewood being sentenced to 11 years for vehicular manslaughter), each and every pro fucker seems to tangle with NY, SF, or LAPD. The arrest on Monday of Bang Bros’ resident donkey-dick, however, has porn professionals a little lost for words. Ramon (real name Raul Armenteros) and a pal confessed to being the owners of eight roosters, four guinea hens, four pigeons, four goats, and a duck, all of which were left sweltering without water or ventilation inside a van on a steamy Miami Monday morning. The animals were discovered by Miami Police after passers-by alerted the authorities to what they thought were the sounds of a trapped, crying baby. All four of the goats were “tied up in plastic bags” and one had sadly shuffled off this mortal coil to that great grass patch in the sky.

Personally, I have a soft spot in my heart for animals and although we don’t know the entire story behind this atrocity, this deplorable act once again paints the adult industry in a negative light. I can only assume (and hope) that the crew behind Bang Bros had no part in this as I do worry this might hurt their business, which I really hope it does not. It’s not their fault and the Bros shouldn’t be responsible for what this jackass does on his own free will. What do you think should happen to Raul aka “Ramon”? Should he be fired from Bang Bros? Should they remove the scenes featuring Ramon and his monster cock? Let your voice be heard.

Pounding the Fleshlight

Fleshlight

What started out as a “device for discreet semen collection” patented by designer Steve Shubin in 1998 just keeps growing in popularity and influence. The Fleshlight, the revolutionary male sex toy treasured by horny guys the world over, recently announced that it intended to move beyond simple novelty manufacturing and into live content production by partnering with acclaimed streaming website Live Gonzo. This partnership, along with a few new high-profile Fleshlight Girls and the launch of a Pirates line of pocket pussies developed with Digital Playground, proves that Fleshlight is not a company willing to sit idly by and watch its customers become bored with the same old product. With limited edition plastic cases “forged in honey and gold” available for the Stoya, Riley Steele, and Jesse Jane models (all are stars of DP’s Pirates feature) and the possibility of adding your own two cents to an interactive Live Gonzo hardcore video broadcast tailored for Fleshlight-augmented viewing, these two innovations would be enough for most sex toy manufacturers; but not for Fleshlight, no sir!

Unveiling a Tori Black model at the tail end of 2010, the Fleshlight folks knew they’d have a tough year ahead. So, like any sensible adult entertainment professionals would, they called on two of porn’s most dazzling performers, each one a multiple AVN Award-winner: the Japanese-American reigning queen of hardcore, Asa Akira, and everyone’s favorite MILF (and clearly the most fuckable of all Sarah Palin impersonators) Lisa Ann. That’s right, folks, for just $79.95 you now have the option of inserting your erection into an elastomeric gel mold that, at least on the outside, looks and feels (almost) exactly like the mouths, pussies, and tight, tight assholes of the incomparable Lisa Ann and Asa Akira. Me, I still beat off the old fashioned way, but with Fleshlight continuing to smash sales records and wow customers, that might change soon enough.