Nothing is Lost in Translation

Last Tuesday, January 31st, saw the highly anticipated US network television debut of nine-member South Korean “Kpop” sensation, Girls’ Generation. Hitting the performance stage of CBS’s The Late Show with David Letterman to belt out a remixed, hip-hoppified version of their international smash hit ‘The Boys’, the girls worked their finely honed physiques into a frenzy, grabbing the attention not only of the audience and their host, Mr. Letterman himself, but also of guests Bill Murray and Regis Philbin, who sat, minds-boggled, jaws-agape, and watched the eighteen-legged charisma machine strut its stuff to stage right.

Upon finishing their performance, the nine angels of Girls’ Generation were greeted (and thanked in their native Korean) by Letterman and Philbin while Murray simply looked on in awe. When it came time to send a farewell to the audience, all but Murray enthusiastically participated. Apparently still in a daze, the Groundhog Day star and longtime friend and guest of Letterman offer the studio and home audiences a brief flutter of his hand before turning and devoting his attention to Seohyun, the groups youngest member (maknae).

As this backstage photo proves, Bill Murray was floored by the beauty and poise of the nine Girls’ Generation members. (Though, if you ask me, his bias is totes probs Yuri! ^_^)

Girls' Generation

So… How to relate this to pornography… Hey, did you guys know that Girls’ Generation member Sooyoung has professed to being “a pervert” and to, on occasion, watching pornographic videos? True dat, chums! There’s far more to this group than cute posing (aegyo), product endorsements (Dominos Pizza, Goobne Chicken, J.Estina handbags), and incredibly well coordinated dance routines – there’s a salacious side, too!

FUN FACT: While young South Korean adults can easily and inexpensively rent a room at a “Love Hotel” to consummate their relationships (over and over and over) while still living at home with their folks, the production of pornographic imagery is still illegal in South Korea. What a woyld, folks! What a woyld! Yuk yuk!

Spiegler’s Harem

While it could definitely be argued that James Deen, Evan Stone, and even Ron Jeremy are rightfully holders of the title Luckiest Man in Porn, once again someone from behind the scenes beats all the on-screen talent to the finish line. So, who is this mystery man with such fantastically good fortune and how did he get to where he is today?

Mark Spiegler

Folks, meet Mark Spiegler (above with Lily LaBeau and Sarah Shevon), the most powerful and influential agent in the American porn industry. There’s precious little information readily available to give us insight into where Spiegler came from and exactly how he managed to build himself a porno empire that doesn’t directly involve production or performance. We, the endlessly envious porn audience, are left to do nothing but marvel at Spiegler’s incomparable roster of incredible performers, most of whom have made their names through his efforts behind the scenes.

Seriously, folks, just take a gander at this photo snapped at the recent AVN Awards in Las Vegas…

Spiegler's girls

Every single one of these women is a client of Spiegler’s and each one netted at least one AVN nomination this past year. Bobbi Starr, of course, won Female Performer of the Year and no doubt had Spiegler beaming like a proud day on his daughter’s wedding day. In fact, considering the well known habit Spiegler’s girls have of crashing at his apartment, which in reality looks more like an all-female dormitory, he’s bound to think of his greatest success stories almost as daughters. When you take a look, even a quick glance, at the other women on his roster – Brooklyn Lee, Jessie Andrews, Chanel Preston, London Keyes, Kristina Rose, Katsuni, and Belladonna – and imagine even a few of these amazing women sleeping on Spiegler’s floor, you absolutely cannot refute his position as top dog of the US porn industry. Screw the stunt-dicks, it’s all about the agents!

Toe Temptation

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink;

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years, so we’ve gotten through the stage of taking the dirty pictures and telling each other what really excites us without embarrassment. My problem is, I LOVE foot fetish action, and he doesn’t. Having my toes sucked, and even having him rub against my feet is such a turn on, but, he thinks feet shouldn’t be a part of the sexual act, what can I do to change his mind, he doesn’t understand just how much I like this.

Toe Temptation

Dear Temptation:

Well, I have to start out by saying, the fact you and your partner are open enough to talk about things is definitely a “foot” in the door to a healthy relationship. It seems that everything else is pleasing, it’s just this one issue standing in your way of feeling completely satisfied. Foot fetish is not for everyone, in fact, I’ve known quite a few people that are completely turned off by feet, it’s as if they have this stigma in their mind of them being dirty and disgusting, because we walk on them.

Take showers together, needless to say, a lot of erotic enjoyment can stem from that act, but he can also see how well you clean your feet. Don’t skimp on the soap, really lather them up and make sure they sparkle. Get a pedicure, buff them, slather on the lotion, whatever it takes to make them appealing. Start out slow, maybe by using your toes to tickle his testicles now and then, a little fancy footwork while stretched across those cotton sheets may just excite him.

Make them more of your sexual appearance, wear open-toed sandals, an ankle bracelet, make his eyes draw to your dogs, but don’t let them bark too loudly until you think he’s ready. When he’s in the mood, make sure you assume the missionary position, lift those legs high and happily into the air, as he grabs your ankles, you wiggle those little piggy’s until he squeals with delight. As the passion builds, move them closer to his face, let him see they’re nothing to be afraid of, but instead, he may just wrap a tongue around the one that went to market, and in doing so, you’ll be the one crying, “Wee-wee-wee” all the way home to an orgasm!


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*For entertainment purposes only ;)