Plenty of guys have been in a near-win situation only to have it cut short by their girl protesting “But it tastes like egg white and seawater!” Refusing to swallow or even taste semen isn’t that uncommon amongst sexually active women and the bitterness is often the cause of their reluctance. But wouldn’t all your mouth-fucking dreams come true if your cum tasted sweet and delicious? It has been said that drinking a few liters of pineapple juice would do the trick, but the folks at Marco Labs Inc. have come up with a solution that won’t have you pissing fragrantly for days on end, and better yet, they’ve bottled it and given it a catchy slogan: Take the Funk Out of Spunk!
Pineapple Express, a new dietary supplement intended to, simply put, make your cum taste better, was launched by Marco Labs to rousing reception at July’s AVN Novelty Expo in Pasadena California and is now on the verge of entering a brick and mortar retail space near you. So, what’s the deal and how does it work?
Packed into each Pineapple Express pill is “a mixture of protein-digesting enzymes” called proteolytic enzymes or proteases: Stem bromelain and Fruit bromelain (extracts from the plant family Bromeliaceae, of which the pineapple is one member). Allegedly, if a user were to take one pill twice a day with food, effects should be noticeable in a little as two weeks. While the company’s FAQ admits “Pineapple Express doesn’t claim to make your cum taste sweet,” and that it’s purpose is instead to remove bitterness, there are other ways to produce that same effect. Cutting down on caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, red meat, and spicy food can decrease the unpleasantness your partner might experience when you blow in her mouth. But then, bro, without such unhealthy masculine delights as beer and BBQ, where would our manhood be, huh?
Having appeared on The Great Canadian Male, a site that purports to be “Where Canadian boys go gay!”, adult performer Tony Marcu (a.k.a. “Craig”) intended to return with his wife and son to his native Romania and start the next big adult e-commerce business. But after the Royal Canadian Mounted Police took ten months longer than promised to produce the background check required by Marcu, a dual-citizen of both countries, he’s now suing the Canadian government to the tune of $100 million. He says Romanian police produced his crystal clear background check for that country in two days.
Now back in Canada and living without his wife and son in a rooming house in Toronto, Marcu uses the local library’s free Internet access to search for porn industry jobs online. Unemployed and surviving on welfare, he’s determined to have his day in court and prove that bureaucratic negligence resulted in him losing his savings and loans that were to help him set up what he claims would have been a business with monthly revenue in the area of $34 million. And what would this business do exactly? Marcu told the Toronto Sun his company would have concerned itself with “import[ing] sex health products from Canada, sex toys and ice wine, along with the production of adult films, sales and erotic massage services.” Ice wine, really?
When Halloween rolls around every year, it seems a few groups of concerned citizens, often teachers and parents, are outraged at how provocative the retail costume industry has become. The once chaste versions of characters from Alice in Wonderland, Wizard of Oz, and Red Riding Hood have now been adopted and adapted by adult women. Complete with cleavage-baring corsets, garter belts, and frilled, visible panties, these “adult” costumes are sure to turn heads at parties and Halloween street parades.
Keeping its focus firmly in the over-18 realm, Los Angeles-based “contemporary costume and lingerie” design firm, Seven ‘til Midnight launched its new line dubbed ‘Costume or Play – Wear Either Way.’ Taking traditional Halloween costumes that have been reserved for adults – pirates, nurses, sex kittens, and the French maid – and putting an even more salacious twist on them, Seven ‘til Midnight has designed tear-away adaptable outfits that can be put to use in public or private, as costume or playful lingerie. Though there’s no doubt some wearers will choose the more revealing option when heading out this October, there’s going to be some pretty damn lively bedroom parties this year, that’s for sure.