Mr. Pink here once again with another slate of brand new porn reviews to keep your fapping on a worthwhile path! This week at Mr. Pink’s we peeled open, pried into, and gave a full assessment of Japanese adult animation site Hentai XXX, French-Canadian hardcore network Pegas Productions, Tainster’s contribution to drunken nightclub orgy porn dubbed Party Hardcore, and Brutal Castings, an audition-scenario venture from Fetish Network that’s a little undercooked but showing tons of promise. On the blog I previewed Joanna Angel’s latest pop-culture parody starring the fit ‘n’ fantastic Kleio Valentien, as well as celebrating the incomparable dick-sucking skills of Dana DeArmond. So sit down, grab a slice, and shoot the shit about your favorite pornstars with Mr. Pink!
Personally, I wasn’t aware that any guy with ambitions of bro-hood needed much guidance. After all, the typical bro is concerned with only five things: video games, beer, money, and pussy; what’s left to talk about? Well, apparently there’s enough to keep BroBible publishing its advice for would-be champions of bro-dom. In a recent recap of a viral video created by those controversial Simple Pickup bros, BroBible declared Dana DeArmond not only a more adept cocksucker than Alix Lynx or Skin Diamond, but the unquestioned queen of fellatial technique. Not convinced? Allow my fellow oral enthusiasts and I to make a case for Ms. DeArmond’s supremacy. But first, you’d best watch Porn Stars Give Blowjob Advice.
Skin and Alix didn’t exactly stumble when it came to demonstrating some crucial techniques, no, but compared to the fearless and masterful displays of skill from Dana, they should be headed back to porno boot camp for remedial instruction. Dana DeArmond’s enthusiasm for sucking dick seems to know no bounds. Case in point, check out this preview from Throated:
While Skin Diamond’s all “Get it sloppy…. if their eyes roll back keep doing that thing,” and Alix demonstrates a few tepid licks and slurps, Dana compares fellatio to being a carnival clown trying to take the biggest ping-pong on the midway, stretching her remarkably flexible maw to accommodate not only her own orange popsicle but both her and her enthusiastic blonde student’s deep into her throat. Then, as if asked to top the most daring instruction yet given, she invites her student to fist her gaping mouth. Soon DeArmond is leaning backwards over a table to illustrate the bed-edge overhang technique, adding that “Crying is ok, too.”
It’s all over much too soon, of course, but thankfully Dana DeArmond can be seen sucking dick as masterfully as any woman on Earth on a plethora of adult websites and left both her students and all aspiring fellatio masters with an eloquent and inspiring piece of advice to “Suck life’s dick!”
Burning Angel’s head honcho, Joanna Angel, is known not only for her hardcore performances and heavily modified physique, but also for her deft handling of pop-culture properties many other pornographers would simply dismiss as too unsexy or unfilmable to bother trying to turn into a sexy onscreen romp. After tackling the Grinch, The Addams Family, The Jason Ellis Show, The ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Z-grade alien movies, and Evil Dead, it’s clear Ms. Angel and co. can turn any subject into hilarious and incredibly sexy alt.porn. It was only a matter of time, then, before the infamous director lent her hand to one of America’s favorite (and most brutal) pastimes: mixed martial arts or MMA, specifically the remarkable achievements of undefeated UFC Women’s Bantamweight Champion of the world, ‘Rowdy’ Ronda Rousey.
Casting fan-favorite mainstream crossover sensation Kleio Valentien as the 28-year-old Olympic medal winner and current world number one, Angel found a fighting fit champ all her own who could easily square up against any other woman in the business. For the flick she’s calling Ronda ArouseMe, Angel also cast Arabelle Raphael, Derrick Pierce, Moe “The Monster” Johnson, and Sammie Sixx in the crucial role of Rousey’s early rival “Miesha Taint” (as in Tate). And word, it seems, has been getting around. Not only has Angel’s upcoming parody been previewed in mainstream press publications NY Daily News, Toronto Sun, Complex, AskMen, and Daily Dot, but Ms. Angel was interviewed personally by TMZ Sports about the production’s origins and the fight-inspired moves learned by the cast in training.
Later speaking to AVN, Angel said she was overwhelmed by the attention. “It’s been so exciting. I think all of Ronda’s fans—and all of Kleio’s fans—will love this movie. I’m trying to get it edited as soon as possible so everyone can see it. It will premiere on BurningAngel.com in the near future.” Hey, Joanna, don’t get me wrong, I’m loving your recent Burning Angel efforts (Making the Band and Uber Mistake especially), but this next super-graphic, boundary-pushing porno epic really can’t come soon enough – and I’m not even a fight fan!
Until Ronda ArouseMe sees release via Burning Angel, you’ll find teases and previews all over Joanna and Kleio’s Twitter and Instagram feeds, which is where I found this image, just a little something to send every sport-bra-lover into a state of drooling incoherence. Have fun!