R.I.P. Billy Glide: Snakebite or Otherwise

Male adult performers don’t seem to care to compare themselves and their penises to each others’. When you’re one of porn’s premiere studs, I suppose an extra inch doesn’t matter all that much. The fans that so fervently (and totally not homoerotically at all) discuss the size of porno dick usually only focus on length, even though it is reportedly girth that makes the most difference in sensation for the woman. If penile girth was included in such discussions, porn fans around the world would be very emotional right now, grieving for the loss of one of porn’s thickest and most reliable men.

Billy Glide

Billy Glide, born Tad Nolen in 1970, began his career in adult entertainment in his twenty-fifth year and promptly caused his female co-stars to quiver in excitement. It wasn’t just his impressive wang that got Glide hired by top producers for almost twenty years; his masculine charm, his intelligence, his diligent work ethic and good humor all helped earn Glide a reputation as one of porn’s “nice guys” even when co-stars cursed and resisted his engorged appendage. Reportedly passing away from an untreated rattlesnake bite, Glide was later said to have died from a suspected drug overdose on May 25th at his home in Huntington Beach, California. While the rumor mill continues to churn and personal recollections of time spent in the company of the deceased, we at Mr. Pink’s simply ask you, our devoted readers, to pay your respects to Tad Nolen in a few of his many sterling performances for Naughty America, Brazzers, and Bang Bros, as the irrepressible, the irreplaceable Billy Glide.

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Madison Ivy’s Epic Anal Adventure

About a year ago, give or take five or six weeks, Brazzers announced its first ever woman to an exclusive performance contract. The name scribbled on the dotted line? Madison Ivy. A one-year contract that is apparently set to expire in mere weeks, Madison’s deal with Brazzers was to include her very first anal scene, allegedly “coming very soon.” Well, one year and a gaggle of impatient and outraged fans later, Brazzers has finally set a date for the arrival of said onscreen-anal-virginity-ditching: today!

Madison Ivy

With the highly anticipated anal debut of Madison Ivy now available for viewing, perhaps we should take a look at the reasons for the many months of delay behind this extremely highly anticipated online porn event. (The preview already has over 50,000 views!)

- As Madison notes in the announcement video below, Madison Ivy not only wrote the script for her Brazzers anal debut, she also designed the costumes and selected the talent, asking Mick Blue to do the honors on her “300-meets-Spartacus-meets-Eyes Wide Shut” set.

- A pornstar’s skin tone is very important and Madison had to deepen hers (with the help of artificial tanning techniques) from “moderate orange” (#cc9966) to “darkened moderate orange” (#996633). That takes time!

- Although totally swamped with her 2013/2014 Brazzers workload of five scenes, Madison managed to parlay her “exclusive” contract into work for other Mind Geek-owned sites and studios, shooting two Digital Playground features (Erotico 2, No Way Out) and lending her considerable talents to Twistys for a hardcore session, two masturbation scenes and one saucy girl-girl encounter.

- Ever tried to get as devoted a pothead as Ms. Ivy to get off her Spongebob-lovin’ ass and open it, as promised, for her fans? Neither have I, but I guarantee it ain’t easy and not because pot robs you of your motivation, but because it gives you a plethora of fantastic (and fantastical) reasons to keep your week-long Spongebob marathon going.

- She lives with Heather Starlet; I wouldn’t leave the house either.

Check out Madison Ivy’s first anal video sample below and witness the fantastical pornographic marvel she has created as a reward for her more patient, devoted fans. There’s enough gaudy jewelry, loin cloths, and bedazzled nail art (or are they claws?) to pawn for Detroit’s revitalization. Hell, there’s even a giant snake getting in on the action!

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Sexercising with K-Y Gel

Friend, do you find yourself run down at the end of a day, heavy with weariness when you should be sliding into bed next to your dearest for a round of “rumpy pumpy”? Is vitality absent from your day long before the arrival of middle-age or late-life? Is your partner as seemingly disinterested in sexual activity as you or are you both content to let the less pressing issues slide so you can meet that work deadline, maintain that respectable bank balance, or finish planning that deck/kitchen/basement renovations that’s been on your minds of late. Perhaps it’s your addiction to digital devices that has you feeling sluggish when bedtime rolls around. Or, as posited by K-Y, makers of personal lubricants galore, perhaps you haven’t been getting enough sexercise.

As the above television and online commercial for K-Y Gel’s Argentinian market tells it, a gym in Buenos Aires collaborated with a K-Y-approved team of leading sexologists, porn performers, and personal trainers, developing an exercise program focused on developing sexual energy, stamina, prowess, and, most importantly, interest. Allegedly running for two months and guiding some 5,000 participants, the gym’s K-Y Sexercise program has an air of inauthenticity about it – this is advertising, after all – add to which my first-hand witnessing of the heightened displays of physio-sexual hyper-confidence and the generally casual attitude with which Portenos (inhabitants of Buenos Aires) approach all things except football, fashion and coffee, makes this whole to-do hard to believe.

Whatever the reality of the situation, encouraging the sexually frustrated or disinterested to use exercise to build both their libidos and their sexual skills can only be a good thing. Now, if only K-Y would co-produce an “instructional” video release that goes through all the ins-and-outs, ups-and-downs of such a workout (and the resulting super-sex) would be just grand.

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Adriano’s Third Anal Overdose

Anal Overdose 3 How do you find joy in life once you’ve tasted the most addictive substance for your particular personality? How do you, say, go see a new Spider-Man movie without instantly becoming distracted by sick, demanding thoughts reminding you of past pleasures and the possibility of a more pleasant future? How does Mike Adriano, for example, still get it up for a touch of the rear-passage kind after already publicly overdosing on anal sex on two separate occasions?

Instead of addressing his addictions and attempting to lead some semblance of a normal (read: boring-as-fuck) life, possibly with a large family and a picket fence and a Tahoe parked in the drive, Adriano has simply put his head down and pushed himself into productions more demanding than anything seen during his first two overdoses. (Yes, that includes Anal Overdose #1′s three-headed, three-assed Francesca Lé/DIana Prince/Nicki Hunter wonderbeast!) Readied for a June 3 release from Evil Angel, Anal Overdose #3 brings an astonishing cast of eager anal sluts: busty blonde American Kagney Linn Karter, Italy’s latest and greatest erotic export Valentina Nappi, Latina harlot Aleksa Nicole, effervescent blonde Christie Stevens, and a dynamite trio lined up for a rim-happy, ass-plundering, rectal-gaping BGGGA (that’s boy-girl-girl-girl-anal) extravaganza that Adriano will certainly struggle to best anytime soon. That trio: Cameron Canada, Bailey Blue, and Mischa Brooks.

Anal Overdose 3

(One thing worth noting – and hopefully something that’ll be amended before manufacturing begins – is that Adriano must’ve taken a tumble and bumped his noggin’ during shooting, an injury that left him unable to properly associate names with their correct faces (and rectums), as the above mislabeled pic of (L-to-R) Mss. Canada, Blue, and Brooks shows. Poor Mike Adriano. Perhaps he’s finally hit rock bottom.)

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Braun 4 Condoms

Axel Braun Wicked Pictures

Porn’s most acclaimed working director and the recipient of four AVN Awards for Director of the Year, Axel Braun, has followed his October 2013 decision to restrict his hired performers to those over the age of 21 with another major change to his blossoming Axel Braun Productions empire, namely the use of condoms and stricter STD testing.

Braun outlined his reasons for taking Wicked Pictures’ condom-only policy to his own studio to AVN: “The recent series of HIV outbreaks is a clear indication that something needs to be done in order to protect our talent pool and prevent this from happening again,” he said. Placing the safety of performers and his own integrity above his bottom line, Braun says the current system of STD/HIV testing is inadequate and needs adjustments such as his, saying “I have finally come to believe that our system is broken, and I’m simply trying to do what I can to fix it on my end.”

Another measure Braun is implementing to keep his sets as safe as possible focuses on the STD/HIV tests themselves. Current industry standards limit performers from working when they’re unable to produce a clean bill of sexual health less than 14 days old. Braun’s self-set standards will only accept tests no older than seven days, and if a performer cannot produce one Braun says he’ll pay for it himself. “It wouldn’t be fair for me to advocate performer safety and then ignore the most obviously effective STD/HIV barrier, or place the burden of additional costs on the very people I’m trying to protect.”

Axel Braun, you just may be someone’s hero today.

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