Anal Advice Assessed

Valentina Nappi

Since arriving on the international porn scene in 2011 and making waves in the US industry thanks to her relentless pursuit of personal pleasure, devotion to full gender equality, or fondness for shooting anal, DP, and gangbang scenes, Italian goddess Valentina Nappi has become one of the more salient commentators on the ins-and-outs of the porn world. So, when GQ published a slightly disturbing article entitled “How to Ask for Anal Sex” only to then be followed by a red-pen wielding Complex writer who pointed out its numerous flaws and falsehoods – “Women like to be surprised,” claims GQ, but that doesn’t extend to surprise buttsecks! – we turned to the esteemed Ms. Nappi for her advice, compared it to that of GQ and Complex, and tried to figure out which source was providing the real assistance to anally-inclined readers. Guess who came out on top?

GQ writer, “sex expert” and hostess, Sarah Jane Banahan suggests forgoing mentioning or requesting an anal attempt in advance, telling readers to “undress her slowly, kiss her, tell her quietly that you are going to penetrate her from behind.” Yeah, kinda like that disturbing scene from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo! Complex, for its part, wanted answers and turned to sexologist Bianca Laureano to get them. “Articles like this are dangerous because they give men the impression they may do something sexual with a partner without their consent.” Real anal sex, dear readers, is nothing like a porn scenario. You don’t start out with heavy petting, say “Turn over, baby,” then dive in cock-first. What you want to do is follow the advice of someone who’s been on the receiving end of many an butt-hungry penis in her time, Ms. Valentina Nappi.

In a blog post entitled How to Do Anal, Valentina lays it out as clearly as anyone anal adventurer could want. First, she details cleanliness protocols, discussing how to administer an enema and how pornstars stay clean on set. Some take psyllium whole husks for a fiber blast thrice daily before a shoot while others take Imodium (“not a healthy decision,” she says), but Valentina herself simply reduces fiber intake prior to a shoot to ensure she’s not leaking all over the set, the props, and her co-stars come the day of the shoot. Lubrication is next on Ms. Nappi’s checklist and, boy, is she through, a far cry from the lube-less anal attempts outlined in GQ. Size is also discussed, with Nappi insisting that every ass is different and can accommodate objects of different sizes. Crucially, she points out that the average length of the human rectum ranges from 10cm to 15cm and anything larger than that may end up smashing your colon, potentially resulting in Depends dependency.

Sure, GQ and even Complex’s guides to anal sex lacked the casual language Nappi uses, aiming for a more scientific-sounding approach to anal preparation, but really, at the end of the day which would you trust, the male equivalent of Cosmopolitan, a hip-hop-oriented youth culture magazine, or someone who takes cocks in their ass for a living and is comfortable, confident, and casually serious enough about the safety of her fans’ and fans’ lovers’ assholes that she’d even post a little infographic to help identify the (literal) shit you don’t wanna know about, as well as the (proverbial) shit you absolutely need to know before plunging your boner deep inside a surprisingly sensitive little passage.

Valentina Nappi @ HardX

Jessie Andrews First Annual Assfucking

Jessie Andrews

Jessie Andrews doesn’t do things the conventional way. After flitting around LA and entering porn (earning herself an AVN Best Actress Award in the process), Andrews took an odd left turn and launched her own jewelry line called Bagatiba, started booking DJing gigs, and appeared in the video for Borgore’s track ‘Decisions‘ with her new pal Miley Cyrus. So, when Andrews recently announced her upcoming anal debut, a slightly unusual approach was to be expected.

Maddy O’Reilly threw porn fans into a tizzy when ‘Maddy,’ the HardX feature holding her anal debut, was released after much pomp and circumstance, only to shoot anal scenes almost immediately after ‘Maddy’s’ release for Jules Jordan, Evil Angel, Devil’s Film, and Ass Factory. Ms. O’Reilly can now be seen having her butt banged on most major hardcore networks of note, but that won’t be the case for Jessie Andrews. Signing a unique deal with Girlfriends Films, Andrews is set to start in The Gardner and will be performing her first ever anal intercourse scene in the picture. The unique element of the deal? Andrews is contractually prevented from performing another anal scene until at least one year after The Gardner’s September 2014 release. Marveling at his coup, director B. Skow told AVN he thought it was the script, not the anal itself, that made Andrews so passionate about the project that she’d surrender her chance for a huge post-anal-debut payday. The script, inspired by the handful of long-term abduction, imprisonment, and sexual abuse cases recently uncovered in the US, continues Skow’s fascinating psychological porn dramas and was, the director felt, a good fit for the multi-talented starlet.

“When we finished the script I really wanted Jessie for the main role of the kidnapped girl,” Skow said. “It was also important to have the main character do anal because I really wanted to show how she was mentally tortured. Jessie had never done anal and I brought the project to her and she liked the idea of doing anal for the first time in a feature, so we made it happen.”

Jessie Andrews can be found on Twitter and will make her anal debut for Girlfriends Films ‘The Gardner’ in September.

Madison Ivy’s Epic Anal Adventure

About a year ago, give or take five or six weeks, Brazzers announced its first ever woman to an exclusive performance contract. The name scribbled on the dotted line? Madison Ivy. A one-year contract that is apparently set to expire in mere weeks, Madison’s deal with Brazzers was to include her very first anal scene, allegedly “coming very soon.” Well, one year and a gaggle of impatient and outraged fans later, Brazzers has finally set a date for the arrival of said onscreen-anal-virginity-ditching: today!

Madison Ivy

With the highly anticipated anal debut of Madison Ivy now available for viewing, perhaps we should take a look at the reasons for the many months of delay behind this extremely highly anticipated online porn event. (The preview already has over 50,000 views!)

– As Madison notes in the announcement video below, Madison Ivy not only wrote the script for her Brazzers anal debut, she also designed the costumes and selected the talent, asking Mick Blue to do the honors on her “300-meets-Spartacus-meets-Eyes Wide Shut” set.

– A pornstar’s skin tone is very important and Madison had to deepen hers (with the help of artificial tanning techniques) from “moderate orange” (#cc9966) to “darkened moderate orange” (#996633). That takes time!

– Although totally swamped with her 2013/2014 Brazzers workload of five scenes, Madison managed to parlay her “exclusive” contract into work for other Mind Geek-owned sites and studios, shooting two Digital Playground features (Erotico 2, No Way Out) and lending her considerable talents to Twistys for a hardcore session, two masturbation scenes and one saucy girl-girl encounter.

– Ever tried to get as devoted a pothead as Ms. Ivy to get off her Spongebob-lovin’ ass and open it, as promised, for her fans? Neither have I, but I guarantee it ain’t easy and not because pot robs you of your motivation, but because it gives you a plethora of fantastic (and fantastical) reasons to keep your week-long Spongebob marathon going.

– She lives with Heather Starlet; I wouldn’t leave the house either.

Check out Madison Ivy’s first anal video sample below and witness the fantastical pornographic marvel she has created as a reward for her more patient, devoted fans. There’s enough gaudy jewelry, loin cloths, and bedazzled nail art (or are they claws?) to pawn for Detroit’s revitalization. Hell, there’s even a giant snake getting in on the action!