David Bowie – 1947-2016

David Bowie - 1947-2016

The recent death of musician/songwriter/actor/legend/space oddity David Bowie last week sent the music-loving world into mourning and, while the other recent rock ‘n’ roll deaths of Motorhead’s Lemmy Kilmister and the Eagles’ Glenn Frey also shook many of us, nobody had the effect that Bowie did. One crucial element of Bowie’s longevity and resounding influence is sexual. Declaring himself gay in 1972 then revising his identification to bisexual four years later, Bowie eventually regarded himself as a closeted heterosexual, someone who flirted with homosexuality and homoeroticism as a means of “flout[ing] moral code.” It was widely reported, however, that Bowie had an sexual affair with Mick Jagger during the late-60s and early-70s, lending a certain amount of credibility to his flirtation and identification with homosexual and bisexual culture and practice.

New York singer Ava Cherry claimed to have been the “filling” in a Bowie/Jagger “cookie” and Bowie’s first wife, Angie, famously claimed to not only have found her husband in bed with the Rolling Stones singer, but to have had one of the most blasĂ©, indifferent reactions a wife could have: she made them breakfast. The two British singers collaborative 1985 hit ‘Dancing in the Street’ also raised questions about the truth of Bowie’s sexuality (and, less so, Jagger’s) after the pair spent a good deal of the music video’s runtime nose-to-nose writhing about in place.

Oh, and then there’s his alien penis and nipple self-tweaking habits.

David Bowie

In Nicolas Roeg’s 1976 film, ‘The Man Who Fell to Earth’ Bowie plays a humanoid alien, Thomas Jerome Newton, who seems to spend half the film devising water transportation devices and the other half stark raving naked, touching his humanoid form in front of a mirror, and, as Mr. Man (the all-male Mr. Skin) notes, “surrounds his star with at least five women who are willing to show indisputable proof of their gender.” And, hey, if you’ve ever wanted to see the bare asses, penises, and scrotes of Bowie and legendarily cantankerous actor Rip Torn in the same movie, The Man Who Fell to Earth is it! While Bowie never showed his dong on film again, his backside made another notable appearance in the 1983 vampire flick, The Hunger, in which Bowie played the blood-sucking husband of Catherine Deneuve and shed his clothes once more.

For me, however, David Bowie’s sexual influence and power was never as subversive or as powerful as in Jim Henson’s 1986 fantasy film ‘Labyrinth.’ Bowie starred as evil goblin king Jareth, known for his cruelty, his roguish charm, his extremely tight tights, and the giant package stuffed into his pants. If the ‘Labyrinth’ was never part of your early viewing, here’s what you’ve been missing: Crotch Magic.

 

R.I.P. David Bowie – 1947-2016

 

Ronda Rousey’s Slippery Sex Tips

Ronda Rousey

She may be one of the most Googled female athletes in recent memory, and world champion in her chosen sport, a Hollywood player with mainstream movie cameos, and now the author of a sex and dating advice column for men’s mag Maxim, but Ronda Rousey probably shouldn’t be dispensing sex tips or criticizing others practices until she’s learned a few things about the variability of human sexual response.

Telling Maxim reader “Jack, 36, Los Angeles” that using lubricant is a sign of sexual inadequacy, impatience, and disregard for a woman’s arousal is just plain irresponsible. Italicizing her response because she’s so damn sure it’s correct, Rousey says “You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, then you’re being lazy.” So every post-menopausal woman who suffers from vaginal dryness has a lazy lover? Those couples dealing with sexual anxiety or a disconnected physical response or under the haze of a nice strain of cannabis sativa might also find the lower regions a little less moist than your average folks.

Though the idea that any guy reaching for a tube to lube his partner isn’t taking his time has an iota of validity, there’s always those guys and couples who prefer longer bouts of intercourse, something lube no doubt helps extend without rawness and irritation ruining an epic coital congress. And then, Ms. Rousey, there’s the marvelous world of anal intercourse, something that would hardly be comfortable enough to pursue without the aid of additional lubrication.

Dudes, Maxim readers, sexually active humans… Don’t listen to Ronda. Load up on lube and see how smooth your sex life can be. And, if you must listen to Ronda, at least listen to Kleio Valentien as Ronda ArouseMe in Burning Angel’s hit porn parody. Trust me, it lasts longer than most Rousey bouts and is very wet indeed.

More Halloween Happenings

Not long now, fuck fans, and every North American adult website worth a damn will be coloring its homepage black-and-orange, placing glowing pumpkin heads at every entrance, and only admitting those women who’ve come dressed for the occasion, every inner-slut’s favorite over-commercialized holiday, Halloween!
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Along with the epic pornstar-attended party planned by AVN and due to open a inter-dimensional gateway to a fiery den of adult industry decadence – more info here – there’s also another big-time Halloween bash from a champion of sexual expression, New York’s Museum of Sex. Teaming with One Year Lease Theater Company for the October 31st event, the Museum will host costume contests, complimentary cocktails, light dining, raffles, live music from NY “indie, gypsy-ish, cabaret-ish, parlor rock” outfit Kotorino, and many more events, activities, tricks, and treats to put attendees in the partying mood. And, as always, there’s a premium VIP package for those that want to elevate themselves above the riff-raff, this time dubbed the ‘Indulge with Dionysus’ package and priced at $125 (alongside $65 and $40 standard VIP and general admission tickets, aka ‘Mingle with the Gods’ and ‘Soar with Aphrodite’). Dionysion acolytes willing to part with $125 for a Halloween party par excellence receive, among other pleasures, burlesque performances, a martini bar, appointed servers, ‘sinful party favors and decadent treats’, as well as the best seats in the house reserved for their asses and their asses alone.

Also getting into the spooky spirit this Halloween is everyone’s favorite proponents of martial infidelity, Kelly and Ryan Madison. Just released from Juicy Entertainment, Whore-ers of Halloween sees Natasha Vega, Casey Calvert, Staci Silverstone, Veruca James, Tysen Rich, and Luna C. Kitsuen all gussied up in sultry costumes and given the chance to milk Mr. Madison of his now infamous multiple loads. Cast as the meat in a Madison sandwich set in an Eyes Wide Shut-inspired Venetian-style occult orgy, Veruca James gets the couple to herself for a scene, as do Misses Kitsuen and Vega while the other starlets make do with Ryan alone, though that’s hardly a consolation prize.

Whore-ers of Halloween

And then there’s the horrific Donna T. Rumpshaker costume for women, unwisely produced by outlandish costumers Yandy, which can now be purchased for $69.95. Yes, seriously, and that’s not including the wig or baseball cap!

Donna T. Rumpshaker

Really, the less said about why anyone would possibly want to purchase such a costume for anything other than a woefully unfunny topical reference the better. Isn’t Yandy a “sexy costume” site? Surely even Trump’s staunchest supporters wouldn’t fuck a female doppelganger of the uncouth real estate mogul, would they?

Truly, truly scary ruminations here, folks, and there’s more to come from Mr. Pink’s as we inch closer and closer to All Hallows’ Eve.