The Dash for Celebrity Skin

Dash Direct screenshot

Dash Direct, a prominent UK-based designer and manufacturer of women’s lingerie has unveiled the results of extensive research conducted in an effort to figure out, once and for all, exactly what the perfect British celebrity babe looks like. Not content with merely listing the leading contenders, Dash Direct decided to mimic the efforts of Shelley’s Dr. Frankenstein and combine the most attractive parts of some of the UK’s top female celebs into three absolutely “perfect” women they dubbed Chelily Brooxon, Lorrea Gallian, and Kathlette Zeta Bux. “What the hell kinds of names are they?” you ask. Well, Chelily is a combination of Kelly Brook’s breasts, Alesha Dixon’s legs, and the derrierre of Rachel Stevens, while the other two fictional beauties are further amalgamations of women only our UK readers might have heard of.

But what, dear readers, of the American equivalent? What if Hollywood decided, kinda like in that 2002 movie S1m0ne, to create a celebrity out of the most attractive body parts of our favorite stars? While your results and mine might differ – is there anyway we can work Fran Lebowitz’s wit and Jenny McCarthy’s dedication to stamping out autism in there? – it’d be great to have an All-American equivalent to these largely British creations.

Whose ass, legs, breasts, torso, face, features, and hair would you combine to create the ultimate celebrity babe?