Mr. Skin’s Topical Treatments

Mr. Skin

Longtime legend of almost-porn archiving and celebration, Mr. Skin, always seems to have something in his back pocket to suit whatever’s buzzing around the new feeds on any given day. And even today, 2018, when we can barely keep track of the latest kinda-sorta social, political, and environmental disasters clogging up our otherwise puppy-heavy Facebook feeds, ol’ Skinny boy has just the thing to take the edge off.

The recent royal wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle seemed to have the whole dang universe in a tizzy for one reason or another and, though Mr. Skin can’t boast a single nude shot of the new princess (duh), she does feature in a pic-and-vid gallery labelled “sexy” that sure-as-shit ain’t lyin’.

Model, television star, entrepreneur, muse, mother, quasi-intentional pornstar, wife, daughter, and professional large-ass-haver, Kim Kardashian West can now add ‘political advisor’ to her list of questionable credentials. Invited to the White House to discuss “prison reform and sentencing” (his words) and obtain “clemency [for] Ms. Alice Marie Johnson who is serving a life sentence for a first-time, non-violent drug offense,” (hers), the one-time most talked about woman on Earth seemed to have really been roped into a sly photo op, at least according to the Daily Beast. Mr. Skin, for his part, more than delivers the goods while another compatriot in celebrity nude publishing, Vivid, has the very video that made Ms. KKW so fucking famous in the first place. (Yo, Ray J, where you at?)

Strangely, the three top positions on Mr. Skin’s Trending Celebs list are comprised of ye’ ol’ standbys, super famous blonde movie stars with big tits (ScarJo and JLaw) and a fresh-faced TV starlet (Katherine Langford, whoever she is) and the woman being called by some a significant threat to the stability of our government, perhaps even to our democracy and our very moral fiber, Stormy Daniels, is way down at #36. Stormy’s getting a rise out of America and the President himself, so maybe bump her up a few spots, huh?

For more topical and trending celebrity nudity, Mr. Skin is at your service.

The Playboy is Dead, Long Live the Playboy

This blog was inevitable, so I should have been better prepared instead of seriously wondering whether “OMG there’s no words ~~ NO WORDS !! HEF!!!” would sufficiently convey the feelings of millions of men and women upon learning of the passing of Playboy Magazine publisher, magnate, figurehead, the one and only Hugh Hefner. He was 91.

Hugh Hefner RIP

Founding Playboy in 1953, “Hef” was the most recognized and rewarded pornographer on the planet. So complete was his transformative influence on sexual politics and experience that the commercial sex world is unthinkable without Playboy’s vast multi-platform imprint. From basically family friendly cable TV shows about ditzy blonde models to somehow convincing women everywhere to wear his famous Bunny logo on their crotches or even tattooed on their thighs, Hef has, for better or worse (depending on who you ask and their religious convictions) touched an astonishing number of people with his astral libido.

Hef’s influence is obviously felt closer to home, too, having inspired and challenged of acclaimed photographers, and launched the careers of many more. Although the current state of Playboy Magazine, flip-flopping between a commitment to non-nudity and showing signs of its old bare-assed self, may not be the most fitting tribute to its founder, the Playboy Plus website is. A simple affair filled with the steamiest pictorials and videos from Playmates both four months and forty years past.

If one man can make you think of him whenever you stare longingly at a gorgeous naked woman, well, isn’t that the pinnacle of success?

Kink Leaves, Twin Peaks Returns

San Francisco Armory

Having been home to the notorious studio’s productions since 2006, Kink.com is moving out of the San Francisco Armory, the Moorish fort that founder Peter Acworth acquired over ten years ago. A national landmark that soon became the center of many controversies surrounding the outlandish and outspoken porn studio, the Armory will still hold Kink’s offices but production will move to Southern California, Nevada, and elsewhere in the Bay Area, just not so close to the historically sexually-liberated Castro district.

Arguably the hippest studio of the hipster-porn explosion, it makes perfect sense that Kink would hold off on one of its signature extreme fetish parody porn efforts until the final day inside the Armory, keeping one ultra-hot pop-culture property on reserve until the very end. A natural fit for a studio that helped make the careers of Tommy Pistol, Ella Nova, James Deen, and Sasha Grey, the final episode to be shot inside the Armory sees David Lynch and Mark Frost’s acclaimed TV series Twin Peaks, itself about to be relaunched, as the subject of an utterly intense Hardcore Gangbang.

Director Maitresse Madeline Marlowe, who calls herself a “huge fan” of avant grade and surrealist cinema, cast Amber Ivy as the town’s teenage flirt-queen Audrey Horne, and chose to focus on One Eyed Jack’s, the Canadian border brothel owned by business magnate Ben Horne, Audrey’s father. Dipping a toe into incest themes, coercion, prostitution and servitude, and, of course, hot black coffee and cherry pie.

‘Damn Fine Pie!’ sees Ms. Ivy working at One Eyed Jack’s, the former workplace of her murdered schoolmate Laura Palmer, in an effort to uncover the truth about her family’s involvement in such shady business dealings. With co-stars Tommy Pistol as Dr. Lawrence Jacoby, Owen Grey as stoic biker boy James Hurley, Will Havoc as cokehead quarterback Bobby Briggs, Jon Jon as Leo Johnson, and Mickey Mod as Ben Horne, seen here poking a finger into his daughter’s mouth.

Damn Fine Pie

But, wait, where’s Bob?

Kink.com has officially left the San Francisco Armory but will continue to explore and expand the outer limits of sexual entertainment from its new facilities. Twin Peaks returns to television next week, debuting on Showtime May 21st. ‘Damn Fine Pie!’ is available now from Kink.com.