Halloween Roundup Part 2

Jessie AndrewsIn yesterday’s spooktacular installment of Mr. Pink’s Blog you read about Brazzers, Bang Bros, and Reality Kings’ attempts to creep you out while keeping you hard this Halloween. Now that The Big Three are outta the way, it’s time to delve even further into this year’s carnal celebrations with sites that cater to, well, a more refined clientele.

It seems only fitting that the masters of domination and subjugation, Kink dot com, would render a highly decadent take on Halloween with Mistress Bobbi Starr and the enslaved Tara Lynn Foxx. On Kink’s anal-focused site, Everything Butt, we find “Anal Haunting” a scene loaded with punishing rectal penetrations, anal stretching and gaping, and extremely potent rough sex. Imagine being Tara this Halloween, awoken from your coffin to a steel dildo-wielding Bobbi Starr! That’s enough to scare the bejeezus outta anyone!

Over at My XXX Pass, relative porno newcomer Jessie Andrews throws on a black and blue wig, sets her pumpkin pail down, and gorges on the biggest sucker she could find: a thick, long, and very stiff dick. Taking it so deep she fully earns her place in Throated’s Halloween update, Jessie gags, spits, tears up, and even tries to talk with her mouthful. Who taught you table manners, girl? Cannibals?!

Still with the orally fixated, the delightfully erotic Camille Crimson might not seem like the type to puke mid-blowjob, soiling her kinky Supergirl costume, that’s because she has perfected The Art of Blowjob. Offering something unique to her fans this Halloween, Camille refuses to take her lover’s cock in her mouth, instead stroking his shaft with licking and sucking his balls as if they were Everlasting Gobstoppers. As he inevitably blows, you’ll surely realize that Camille’s manual and oral skills alone aren’t responsible for his excitement – she’s wearing a pumpkin-orange slip so thin it’s practically see-though. That’d be enough to have any guy aching for some suction!

Quite possibly the most accomplished producer of spooky concept porn is the rather ironically named Joanna Angel. After winning the AVN Award for Best Web Premiere in 2011 for her Halloween parody, Dong of the Dead, this Burning Angel celebrates Halloween ‘11 with the ambitious Fuckenstein! Joanna’s eerie black-and-white parody of the original monster movie stars James Deen as Dr. Frankenstein, Ramon Nomar as The Monster, and Ms. Angel herself as The Bride, complete with lightning-strike bouffant hairdo. The major difference in this version of Mary Shelley’s classic horror tale, of course, is that The Bride takes a double-teaming from The Monster and his creator. A far cry from the social commentary of the original, sure, but a damn sight sexier!

Keep your third eyes peeled, dear readers, ‘cause if more horrific horniness hits the WWW before midnight of the 31st, “Putrid” Mr. Pink’s will have the complete, skin-scorching lowdown. Goreanteed!

K-Pop-Porn

If the recent-ish launch of international pop music channels MTV Iggy and MNet America are to be believed, the USA is about to be inundated by a world of music most Americans have never even considered. From reggaeton to baile funk, from C-Pop to J-Pop to K-pop, there are dozens of artists with the talent, determination, and financial backing to blow the minds of America’s Internet generation. One group already starting their US invasion is the nine-member South Korean girl group Girl’s Generation. Having just released their first worldwide single, The Boys, the video to which garnered over 4 million YouTube views on its day of release, with an American album release coming in November through Interscope Records, and with a showcase performance at Madison Square Garden this Sunday in New York City, Girls’ Generation are poised to bring about a global group revival in popular music. Their tunes are great and Taeyon, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Yoona, Tiffany, Sooyoung, Seohyun, Jessica, and Sunny has distinct personalities and styles but blend together as a perfect ensemble, but what’s the real reason behind their smash worldwide success? For the answer, as always, we turn to porn.

Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Katy Perry have all been lampooned in US porn productions, but they’re just solo performers. Imagine how appealing a pornographic movie based on a nine-member all-girl singing and dancing group would be! Well, folks, it exists. Beautiful Legs Legend, a JAV (Japan Adult Video) release that copies Girls’ Generation’s outfits, dance moves, and music, but with an illicit twist, has proven that, along with the real ninesome’s truckload of miniskirt and short-short-accented stage outfits, long legs can sell anything.  Unfortunately, the JAV in question consists largely of five, not nine uncoordinated young women lazily dancing around sans panties. Yeah, there’s a foot fetish bukkake scene thrown in at the end, but that’s pretty dull, too. I suppose that’s what you get when Japan, whose pop music (J-Pop) has became stale and uninspired over recent years after decades of Asian dominance, tries to take on the rapidly expanding and wildly successful eighteen-legged Korean juggernaut that is Girls’ Generation. Fighting!

Adult Workers of the USA, Celebrate!

LA Direct ModelsThe first proposal for the celebration of Labor Day asked for “A street parade to exhibit to the public ‘the strength and esprit de corps of the trade and labor organizations,” and since it’s unlikely the general public will spend this coming Monday praising the work of those who suck and fuck on camera, don’t you think you, as an avid enjoyer of the pornographic arts, should do a little something to commend their tireless effort to fulfill your deepest sexual fantasies? LA Direct Models certainly thinks so.

Hosting a Labor Day Extravaganza at the Hollywood Playhouse on Sunday September 4th, porn’s premiere talent agency intends to honor porn’s hardest working women and men the best way the adult industry knows how – by partying their cotton socks off! Jerry Anders of co-sponsor Adult Entertainment Broadcast Network, told AVN that the bash, which is hosted by big-bootied adult superstars Alexis Texas and Kristina Rose, is a chance “to celebrate all the hard-working people in the industry who keep it moving along all year, which is what the holiday is about.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself. Hats off to you, porn professionals, now party hard, take Monday off, then get your impeccable asses back to work! (Just be sure not to wear white lingerie.)