Great Moments in Amateur Sex Toy Design

The launch of the 2015 installment of Lovehoney’s Design a Sex Toy Contest isn’t only cause for celebration if you’re a wannabe product designer with an erotically inclined mind, it’s also worth investigating if you’re a fan of the myriad absurd and ridiculous concoctions people dream up to help them and their fellow humans with alleviating sexual frustration. BuzzFeed knows this all too well, having collected an array of the weirdest and most curious submissions from years gone by. Here, we examine a few of the standout submissions that, creative or not, have such limited potential it’s a wonder they got as far as a concept drawing.

The Biter, a triple threat providing a penile sheath for male masturbation, a vibrating phallus for female masturbation, and a pair of chomping teeth (to simulate biting, duh) to put the fear of good dentistry into every male user and confuse the fuck out of females.

the biter

Ever wanted to prove your anal agility at a very liberal party by plugging your ass and opening everyone’s beers for them? If only this ingenious device had made it to production, you could!

bottle opener

The Camel seems intent on giving women an enjoyably bumpy ride thanks to its (apparent) G-spot stimulating head, clit-attending hump, and beaded ass-filling tail. If only its creator was truly inspired, the Camel could’ve been a spitting llama – everyone’d buy that!

the camel

This one’s a pussycat. I don’t know what it does. Meow sexily at you? Is that what the lower compartment is for, the meowing mechanism?

pussycat

Think you can do better than these crafty little sex toy designs? Lovehoney wants to know about it. Submit your creations to the 2015 Design a Sex Toy Contest and you could win up to £150,000 in prizes and royalties!

Pornstars Tackle Irish Dancing

A semi-regular feature here at Mr. Pink’s blog is our well-timed noting of holiday-themed porn scenes popping up when many of us are home from work and very nearly climbing the walls out of boredom. Along with limited membership discounts offered by your favorite sites, these Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, Easter, Fourth of July, and, most recently, St. Patrick’s Day scenes can make any holiday more interesting than your average family get-together. This year, however, something SFW trickled out of the porn world and passed many porn fans by as they headed to Naughty America for Rachel Roxxx’s Irish-tinged romp with Johnny Castle, and it involved Irish dancing.

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RatedXLife posted to its YouTube page the day prior to the annual celebration of all things green and Irish (and drunkenly abusive) a video showing the best Irish dancing efforts from a number of up-and-coming pornstars and established supersluts. Although non-nude and basically SFW, the video is still well worth watching. Where else will you see Jodi Taylor giggling and pogoing in flip-flops, Zoey Monroe showing military-style commitment, and Ana Foxxx’s surprisingly smooth and fluid effort, as well as twirling, bouncing turns from Serena Blair, Kenna James, and Ivy Sherwood, whose bobbing breasts get quite a few close-ups.

Screw the shamrocks and the pints of green beer and tell “Saint Paddy” to buy his own damn drinks. If anything, ‘Porn Stars Try to River Dance for St. Patrick’s Day’ has taught us that you don’t need green food coloring, drunken hooliganism, or public urination to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, just some fun-lovin’ folks unafraid to try shakin’ their asses in an unfamiliar way.

Your Invitation to Lethal Hardcore: Live!

lethal hardcore

Sitting at home (or “on the throne” during an unscheduled work break) and watching your favorite adult performers get their rocks off while you pretend to be somewhere more exciting and arousing than your usual beat-off spot is fun, sure, but it could be a whole lot better. If only you were able to morph into a blowfly and buzz into, say, Evil Angel’s or Lethal Hardcore’s studios for a day, content to watch porn’s most adventurous women perform in the flesh. Sure, you couldn’t touch them (entomophilia doesn’t really have a place in mainstream porn) but just being in the same room as these incredible women as they work their sexual magic should be enough to make any porn fan go gaga at the chance. And now, thanks to Lethal Hardcore’s Stoney Curtis, you’ll have that chance this April!

Having longed for a way to bring the fans to the shoot, Curtis came up with a post-apocalyptic future in which to set a story that he calls “The Hunger Games meets The Matrix.” Giving AVN a synopsis of his upcoming epic, Curtis let the pitch flow: “America has been in a civil war; we’ve overthrown our own government due to the gap between the rich and the poor, which has wiped out the middle class. … Basically, the country has been split into 3,000 separate territories.” Exposure to radiation has left the majority of men infertile and the human race appears doomed until a scientist brings news of a remedy involving the seed of the few remaining fertile men. With the price of sperm rocketing to millions-per-load, the setup allows Curtis to explore what might happen if something would come along to reverse our sexual roles and induce women to “drag us someplace and fuck the shit out of us.” (That’s where Anikka Albrite, Riley Reid, Maddy O’Reilly, Brooklyn Chase, and Layla Price come in!)

To grab your spot on the sidelines and see this sci-fi fuck-fest unfold live before your very eyes – like The Hunger Games, there’s an audience for the (sexual) mayhem unleashed on the field and in the arena – simply join the Lethal Hardcore Fan Club, pick your 15-DVD porn pack and request your free ticket to the LA filming of the company’s upcoming mega-feature. Now, this offer won’t suit those porn viewers unable to swing a few hundred bucks on porn, but if your finances are in order you could buy yourself a front row seat to watch Riley, Anikka, and the others work their magic. Don’t want your face to appear onscreen? There’ll be masks available. Want to bring your lady? That’ll cost you an extra hundred. Don’t want to miss out on a chance to make every porn lover’s dream a reality? Go talk to Stoney Curtis of Lethal Hardcore – he’s making dreams come true!