Sitting in the back of the bus on a school trip during the most sexually interested (and therefore frustrated) years of high school, a female classmate asked me what I found attractive in or on a woman. Not wanting to offend present company, I hesitated. Pressing me for an answer (and lest I be declared unwaveringly homosexual), I started rattling off a list of things about the opposite sex that appealed to me. “Wit, intelligence, brown eyes, pale skin…” I was immediately interrupted and declared a roaring racist simply because I expressed a fondness for women with a ghostly pallor. Had my classmate let me finish, she would’ve learned that, not only was I not a white supremacist, I was basically down to fuck as many wildly different women as possible, her (a freckled Episcopalian redhead) included. Leave it to counter-cultural porno icon Joanna Angel to avenge what I saw as the grossest misidentification of a supposed racist than Elvis Costello’s drunken barroom insult of Ray Charles.
Burning Angel’s latest full-length hardcore endeavor, entitled Pale Girls, stars five melanin-deficient alt.pornstars and five of the most solid male performers in the business in scenes of wild, aggressive release. While the men (Mick Blue, Mr. Pete, Tomrry Pistol, Erik Everhard, Mark Wood) remain largely tattoo- and piercing-free, the ladies – Severin Graves, Madison Moon, Mabel, Draven Starr, and newcomer Vera Drake – not only bare their smooth, milky-white skin but prove it to be the perfect canvas for the dark, even disturbing tattoos for which the Burning Angel girls have become known.
The Joanna Angel-directed Pale Girls has yet to be given a street date, but all performers are featured on the Burning Angel website in scenes that may or may not make the final DVD cut (which also includes a BTS video, photo galleries, and trailers).
Burning Angel: fightin’ for (really white) whiteys since ’02.
According to The New York Times, the decade-long trend of bald (or at least largely shaven) female pubes has turned around of late with more and more women opting for a more natural, “fuller” look. Citing advice from actress (and now author) Cameron Diaz, quotes from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Iron Man 3 press junket interviews, a Lady Gaga photoshoot and the continued career of reluctant pubic groomer and actress Abby Hoffman, NYT writer Marisa Meltzer makes the claim that the Brazilian and High Bikini waxes are on the way out in US cities from New York to Portland, OR, but seems to neglect one source of pubic pop-culture factoids: pornography.
Take a gander through the ranks of porn’s brightest young starlets and you’ll see plenty of bush on the likes of Riley Reid, Holly Michaels, Dani Daniels, and Chastity Lynn. In fact, bang on three years ago back in 2011, Elegant Angel released Bush, a pubic hair-loving hardcore romp that reintroduced audiences to the hottest tufted women in porn, including Kimberly Kane, Bobbi Starr, and Kristina Rose.
Bush was followed by two more installments of this burgeoning series and welcomed multiple AVN nominees, one of whom, Jessie Andrews, also a Best Actress winner, Miley Cyrus music video co-star, and dance club DJ whose names has appeared in print in a NYT edition on not one, not two, but four separate occasions. But, no, heaven forbid we look to porn to see what less vocal people are doing (or wish they are) in their bedrooms. It’s simply untenable that such an affront to all human decency (both the Patriarchy’s and Feminism’s) could be the basis for an assessment of human domestic habits! Anyone willing to look, though, would certainly find one thing: bush (and quite a bit of it, too).
Fuck the Global Financial Crisis and your own dwindling savings account balance, those intrepid explorers of the furthest reaches of human sexuality, the San Francisco-based studio Kink.com, recently opened bidding on one of the company’s very own directors and performers, Lorelei Lee.
After a previous auction saw one fan pay $42,000 for an intimate private webcam session with Maitresse Madeline, the icy blonde Ms. Lee offers her services to the highest bidder and ensures, whatever his or her kinky preferences, satisfaction. Presented under the Kink Divine Bitches marquee, Lee says this auction aims to “expand the relationship between the fan and the star. They want to worship us, and we want them to worship.” Services available to the winning bidder – who’ll presumably pay much more than the current top bid of $24,200 – include lessons in servitude and submission or the chance to dominate, to completely control this particular Divine Bitch. The winner also receives a complimentary year of Kink.com access, signed photos of Ms. Lee, an HD copy of the private show and, most excitingly, the props used by Ms. Lee during their special time together.
Sure, unless you’re a future oil tycoon, criminal mastermind, or just really, really hard working, you won’t even consider bidding on some time with Lorelei Lee, but those of us that are should probably start seeing if our budgets can accommodate such a rash expenditure. (At least for me, an adult entertainment professional, it’ll be tax deductible!)
Unless you’ve been sticking your dick in the holes found in a slice of Swiss cheese, going online to locate women who’ll watch your dairy-fed antics, and even approaching startled ladies in public in failed attempts to coax them into participating in your little pastime, I’d say your fetishes are probably under control, unlike the “Swiss-cheese Pervert” of Philadelphia’s Mayfair region.
Awareness of the alleged deviant’s activities gained ground after being posted on a Mayfair TownWatch Facebook page. Community outrage spread and more victims came forward claiming, much like Priscilla [surname redacted] who managed to snap a cell phone pic of the perp after he propositioned her, that the man intended to hire them to observe his rubbing his genitals with slices of Swiss cheese. Priscilla shared her photo of the suspect (and his cheese) with authorities and shortly after they arrested one Christopher Pagano of Norristown. Described by neighbors as “a weirdo” who “used to come outside in his underwear with no shirt,” 41-year-old Pagano was charged with stalking and harassment as well as open lewdness before being released on $30,000 bail.
To get to the bottom of all this depravity we must turn to that most revealing of adult social media sites, OkCupid, on which the lonely legions declare themselves and their various kinks and curiosities open for judgement. Contacting twenty-year-old (and curiously named) Gabby Chest of Bridesburg in 2012, Pagano is reported to have offered significant details of his sitophilia, the total of which can be viewed at PhillyMag and is best digested on an empty stomach. (Note: somewhat tellingingly, Pagano misspells “arrangement” as “arraignment”.)
When Huffington Post reports on porn, you know it’s about an issue, a person, or an event that has significant crossover appeal. Imagine my surprise then, when I hit up ol’ HuffPo for the latest audacious gossip involving porn either directly or tangentially only to find a story about, of all things, conjoined-twins-porn. And not real conjoined-twins porn at that, but obviously fake prosthetically-aided lesbian porn from Girlfriends Films.
Starring Mischa Brooks and Rilynn Rae, who at 5’2″ and 5’10” respectively, don’t exactly meet the physical demands of their roles, ‘Conjoined’ is a new hardcore lesbian movie from Girlfriends Films that sees this pair of conjoined twins fall out over love. “One is more lesbian than the other,” director B. Skow told Huffington Post, “but both like girls. They don’t have sex with each other. When one is having sex with another person, they will put a sheet over their sister. Still, the other will feel things that her sister is doing.”
Following Skow’s initial idea of ‘What if one hot conjoined twin fell in love and wanted to be separated?’, Rae and Brooks dove into their unique roles headfirst. “It looks funny when they’re trying to get dressed,” says Skow, “but they are good friends in real life. The film opens with them trying to play Twister.” Twister, really? Oh, super-sexy, humorously conjoined twins, won’t you ever learn?
The Huffington Post piece remained uncharacteristically calm, devoid of the usual harsh and judgmental tone denigrating porn culture, and even managed to provide the release date (albeit a corrected one) for Girlfriends Films’ ‘Conjoined': November 26th.