Rabbit Ears, Plugs, Egg Hunts, and Cunts

Celebrating the death of the Christian deity’s human form might seem like an odd reason to stay home, watch some world-class porn, and beat yourself into a blissful submission to smut, but… Well, no “buts,” really. It’s just plain weird. If you’re irreligious or non-Christian and couldn’t give a flying jizzbomb about church holidays, if the Easter Bunny and the commercial thrills available around Easter are more your bag, then watching porno makes a hell of a lot of sense for your long weekend activities. Here we’ll be looking at four Easter-themed scenes from major porno outlets all intent on helping you celebrate in their inimitable style.

Brazzers Easter porn

Brazzers is hitting its fans with two Easter episodes this year, one each for Big Wet Butts and Teens Like it Big. At Big Wet Butts we’ll be seeing Bridgette B and Bill Bailey romp around their kitchen and eventually wind up filling Ms. B’s bunny-tail-adorned ass as oil covers her fine-as-fuck body in a shiny film. Teens Like it Big welcomes the recently slimmed-down Tiffany Watson, bunny ears on her head, a tutu around her waist, egg basket in her hand, as she joins her stepbrother Jessy Jones for an egg hunt. Flirting and flashing her bro, Ms. Watson reveals a pink jeweled butt-plug and asks Jessy to fill her other cavities before Dad walks back in the room and busts them both.

Team Skeet sister-site Family Strokes continues the pseudo-familial affairs as “Uncle Mitch” dons an Easter Bunny costume and starts making moves on Avi Love. Her parents grab an iPhone and snap some family selfies with the Bunny in the background, but mom and dad remain totally obvious to the fact that Avi’s hand is firmly wrapped around his rigid rabbit dick. The folks head out for a while and Avi Love vs Easter Bunny kicks into higher gear.

“Let’s Try Anal,” says awesomely hot newbie Cecilia Fox over at the Mofos site of the same name, after finding a bottle of lube and a bunny rabbit plug as part of her boyfriend’s homemade egg hunt. And try anal she does, bending over and giving herself to her beau, bunny ears bouncing on her head the whole time.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to run off and find a last minute bunny suit in a desperate attempt to turn my Good Friday into Totally Fucking Awesome Long Weekend.

Brazzers review

Hey, Hey! It’s Valentine’s Day!

Jada StevensValentine’s Day, the annual celebration of all things amorous and affectionate, rolls around every February and reminds us that, even with a long-term lady-friend by our sides, we could always become better, more attentive, more inspiring lovers, companions, and partners. If you were to glance at the V-Day-focused porno hitting the WWW this week, however, you might find yourself faced with some “alternative facts” about human sexual relationships today.
 

Reality Kings site Pure 18 has been revived after a three-year nap to bring viewers the incredible strawberry-blonde Raylin Ann and her erection-inspiring charms. Lounging at home, listening to music, barely dressed, Raylin is surprised by a visitor to her bedroom window. Brick Danger may have stopped by to ask his crush for a V-Day date but instead the two horny youngsters end up fucking in front of a full-length mirror… right when Raylin’s dad arrives home!

Smoking hot Latina newcomer Demi Lopez works her magic at DarkX, greeting her old neighborhood friend Jax Slayher by reclining on a sofa in lacy red lingerie surrounded by heart-adorned balloons, chocolates, and plenty of pent-up sexual tension. Also offering some unexpected thrills this V-Day is Carmen Caliente, who returns from hiatus to loll around under falling rose petals before throwing herself at her lover ass-first at Team Skeet’s Teen Curves. 2 Chicks Same Time, Naughty America’s resident FFM trio offering, amps up the fantasy this Valentine’s Day by bringing members a scene they won’t soon forget: Johnny Castle comes home the evening of the 14th to find his girlfriend Violet Starr offering to share him with her friend (and sapphic crush) Ashley Adams. The results, needless to say, are fiery, vocal, and quite sweaty.

The Porn Pros and Passion HD network always delivers a holiday treat or two to its devoted viewers and this year we find ultra-foxy newcomer (and former Reddit exhibitionist) Samantha Parker and seasoned super-enthusiastic MILF Alana Cruise at Passion HD and Pure Mature respectively. My Asian Valentine sees Ms. Parker slide up against Johnny Castle for a rose petal shower and deeply intimate POV-heavy hardcore encounter. Ms. Cruise stops by the company’s resident MILF-emporium to receive a hands-on massage from Brick Danger, whose palms and fingers soon slip between his partner’s thighs as he slowly, sensually prepares her for a deep fucking and a throbbing creampie finish.

When it comes to themed holiday porn, there’s really only one company consistently blowing away most others and that company is Brazzers. This year, the notorious ZZ has created a trio of tantalizing fantasy scenarios filled with raunchy, risqué hardcore sex. Landing first on Feb. 13th, Desperate for V-Day Dick sees uber-MILF and lonely schoolteacher Brandi Love left to her own devices during a quiet paper-grading session. When stiff-docked student Lucas Frost unexpectedly enters, however, her V-Day takes a turn for the better. Playing a different game over at Real Wife Stories, Alektra Blue intentionally irritates and angers her husband, Keiran Lee, in order to coax him into Beast Mode for some serious rough ass-fucking. Also celebrating Valentine’s Day with some anal sex, Jada Stevens is today at Big Wet Butts all dolled up as a red-lingerie-clad cupid doused with oil and pounded balls-deep by Markus Dupree in Lubed Up Cupid.

Has Brazzers once again beaten all other carnal V-Day entertainments from major porno studios? This year it’s a little bit closer thanks to the great turn-out of more romantic, more impassioned scenes and performances. Sure, rose petals still rain from the rafters a la American Beauty but this time around there’s a bit more feeling behind the romps, and that should make all our Valentine’s Days, whether spent alone or in your lover’s arms (and thighs), a little sweeter this year.

Brazzers review

The XXX-Mas Festivities Continue

Holly Hendrix Jules Jordan

There’s no shortage of Christmas porn being produced this year by the big guns of adult entertainment. And though you really should check out Mr. Pink’s blogs on the yuletide smut just unleashed by Brazzers, Spizoo, Lubed, and Holed, there’s more holly-dappled hardcore on the way from some other major contributors to your carnal entertainment.

Those interracially motivated deviants at Dogfart have roped in a shaven-headed elf by the name of Riley Nixon to show Santa’s appreciation for good guy Lexington Steele’s standup behavior all year. Inside a ribbon-wrapped box underneath his tree, Riley is waiting to pounce and give Lex the perfect ending to his year.

Another devoted cultivator of hardcore content, Jules Jordan, has also snagged his viewers a bubbly little bundle of Christmas cheer in Holly Hendrix, whose neglected asshole is the focus of her Christmas wishes. With Steve Holmes donning the Santa suit, the dark-eyed burgeoning superstar will definitely see her wish granted.

Not content to let other studios have all the fun, Reality Kings has aimed its festive focus on the Monster Curves of Nikki Capone, who greets her husband Ramon Nomar in a Christmas outfit (if you can call it that) that should help reignite the lust her overworked husband has recently lacked.

Arguably the most convincingly elven pornstar working today, Piper Perri stopped by Passion HD to deliver a gift to Johnny Castle, decorating their bed and her body with red-and-white accouterments before simply laying back to anticipate his reaction. Gee, I wonder if he’ll be appreciative enough to give Piper a gift of her own…

The usually hyper-festive Team Skeet has only one entrant into the holiday festivities this year, a candy-cane heavy Teen Curves scene starring rising Latina Demi Lopez and her “bodacious” rear. With oil on her ass and “snowflakes” of cum on her face, the costumed newcomer more than makes up for Team Skeet’s unusually sedate pre-Christmas schedule.

Those viewers seeking something more firmly rooted in reality won’t find it in GirlsWay’s original mini-series Christmas Spirit. Loosely, very loosely based on the revered Dickens classic, the three-part drama sees Shyla Jennings returning home from college to see here stepmom, Reena Sky, for the holidays. With her father recently passed, Shyla turns to her girlfriend, Elle Alexandra, for comfort. This is something of a shock to her stepmom, who that night receives a visitation from Charlotte Stokely’s Ghost of Christmas Past, a vision of circumstances far more salacious than any other version of A Christmas Carol I’m aware of.

There’s bound to be a few other holiday fuck-taculars trickling online the closer we inch toward the 25th, but those I’ll leave to you to find. Me, I’ll be too busy trying to squeeze a little nutrition into a traditional American Christmas feast and avoid whichever relative polished off my booze stash.

From all of us at Mr. Pink’s, whatever holiday you’re celebrating this season, or if you’re celebrating none at all, we hope it’s a good one for you and yours.

Jules Jordan review