I got pregnant during my senior year of high school, and married my boyfriend on the night all of my classmates were getting their diploma. That was 5 years ago and we have two children now. We’ve lived from the beginning with my in-laws, which is nice, they babysit and we can save money for a house we want to one day buy. The problem is, my husband remains a “grown ass man living at home,” and does nothing to help me. His Dad has been the male figure in my life growing up. And, he’s also been my go to guy on many occasions as well. He’s dried my tears, kicked me in the ass when I needed one through encouraging advice, and, well, last night, when I was upset after a fight with my husband, he was consoling me and then suddenly we kissed. I find myself being very attracted to my father in law, but I’m also feeling a lot of guilt over it.
– Family Ties
First of all, even though sharing a kiss with your Father-In-Law was wrong on many levels, try to save some of the energy you’re using in beating yourself up over it, to assuring it doesn’t happen again.
The past five years sounds to have been a different style of life for you. Not having the luxury of being in your own home to raise your family and to build a marriage with your husband is the beginning of the problem. It’s understandable having the assistance with the family and the ability to put a few dollars in the bank is a perk, but, what are you sacrificing for that to happen? As long as your spouse lives under the same roof as he did as a carefree senior in high school is going to keep him in that same frame of mind. So, to rule on the first aspect of your issues, it’s time to take that moldy money out and put it towards not just your future, but your marriage, if not, there may not be anything to save for. Start filling out loan applications and when listing your assets, be sure within your heart, the love for the man you married still rings true.
Now, in some ways, there’s an unspoken understanding for the closeness you feel for your Father-In-Law, after all, he’s been “the man of the house” that your husband hasn’t. All of the little things that make you feel safe, and also security for your family, has come from this man. He’s taking care of all of your needs, and, in a roundabout way, the intimacy factor goes hand in hand many times when the other avenues have been addressed and you feel the appreciation. While your husband is laying on the couch sucking down a cold beer and leaving his boxer shorts on the bathroom floor, his Dad has succeeded in being the MAN you need, the rock that helps keep you strong.
Your gratitude, and friendship for this older man is now leading you down a path that could be a very dangerous place to travel. If things progress, many hearts could be broken, which includes your own, and your entire family. Today it’s a kiss, tomorrow it might be some harmless second base feeling of the genitals, and by next week, you may be hoisting your legs into the air for some missionary madness. No matter how much you’re tempted, keep your feet planted firmly on the floor, and part your lips only to utter, “It’s time for a change.” Shave the hardcore sex for your hubby. Preserve the closeness you have with your Father-In-Law by saving yourself. If you still want to be with your husband, then put down your foot and tell him it’s time he grows up, you’re already raising two babies, you don’t need a third. If your feelings for him have changed, then consider that a passage into independence that you’re going to be strong enough to face. Your priority are those babies, do what’s best for them, and also for yourself, and that doesn’t include sharing stolen kisses with the man from whom helped create your husband.