Plenty of guys have been in a near-win situation only to have it cut short by their girl protesting “But it tastes like egg white and seawater!” Refusing to swallow or even taste semen isn’t that uncommon amongst sexually active women and the bitterness is often the cause of their reluctance. But wouldn’t all your mouth-fucking dreams come true if your cum tasted sweet and delicious? It has been said that drinking a few liters of pineapple juice would do the trick, but the folks at Marco Labs Inc. have come up with a solution that won’t have you pissing fragrantly for days on end, and better yet, they’ve bottled it and given it a catchy slogan: Take the Funk Out of Spunk!
Pineapple Express, a new dietary supplement intended to, simply put, make your cum taste better, was launched by Marco Labs to rousing reception at July’s AVN Novelty Expo in Pasadena California and is now on the verge of entering a brick and mortar retail space near you. So, what’s the deal and how does it work?
Packed into each Pineapple Express pill is “a mixture of protein-digesting enzymes” called proteolytic enzymes or proteases: Stem bromelain and Fruit bromelain (extracts from the plant family Bromeliaceae, of which the pineapple is one member). Allegedly, if a user were to take one pill twice a day with food, effects should be noticeable in a little as two weeks. While the company’s FAQ admits “Pineapple Express doesn’t claim to make your cum taste sweet,” and that it’s purpose is instead to remove bitterness, there are other ways to produce that same effect. Cutting down on caffeine, tobacco, alcohol, red meat, and spicy food can decrease the unpleasantness your partner might experience when you blow in her mouth. But then, bro, without such unhealthy masculine delights as beer and BBQ, where would our manhood be, huh?
Having appeared on The Great Canadian Male, a site that purports to be “Where Canadian boys go gay!”, adult performer Tony Marcu (a.k.a. “Craig”) intended to return with his wife and son to his native Romania and start the next big adult e-commerce business. But after the Royal Canadian Mounted Police took ten months longer than promised to produce the background check required by Marcu, a dual-citizen of both countries, he’s now suing the Canadian government to the tune of $100 million. He says Romanian police produced his crystal clear background check for that country in two days.
Now back in Canada and living without his wife and son in a rooming house in Toronto, Marcu uses the local library’s free Internet access to search for porn industry jobs online. Unemployed and surviving on welfare, he’s determined to have his day in court and prove that bureaucratic negligence resulted in him losing his savings and loans that were to help him set up what he claims would have been a business with monthly revenue in the area of $34 million. And what would this business do exactly? Marcu told the Toronto Sun his company would have concerned itself with “import[ing] sex health products from Canada, sex toys and ice wine, along with the production of adult films, sales and erotic massage services.” Ice wine, really?
Everyone in porn knows that Charley Chase is one of the industry’s most delightfully slutty women. In every scene she’s in she clearly has a great time, especially when doing something a little out of the ordinary. Her enthusiasm and ebullient personality are undeniably infectious, making her a performer with a legion of dedicated fans. Among those who have somehow managed to remain unimpressed by Ms. Chase’s sexual proclivities, however, is Los Angeles Fire Department Chief Brian Cummings, who has launched a full-scale investigation into exactly how and why Chase was able to climb aboard LAFD Engine 263 and perform “lewd acts” in a scene for Brazzers site Asses in Public. Investigation findings suggest the Brazzers crew had previously arranged the shoot with firefighters from Engine 263 in Venice who were fully aware of what was going on and would therefore be subject to disciplinary action.
While Brazzers has curiously remained fairly tight-lipped about the scandal – no news on ZZ Insider and the scene in question is noticeably absent from the now-dormant Asses in Public – Charley Chase has graciously stepped forward and offered her apologies to the LAFD employees hurt by the incident. In a post on her blog, Chase insists that nobody at Engine 263 had any knowledge of what she and the crew were up to and there certainly wasn’t any cooperation from their end, “but shit… it was a fun day!” The kicker is, folks, that day was three years ago! Who knows what an internal investigation will turn up with three years of bureaucratic paperwork in the way, except that Charley Chase is one of porn’s most consistently impressive performers and that Brazzers have been traipsing around in public, cameras and semi-naked women in tow, for years.
If you can put up with the smarmy, condescending delivery myFOXla reporter Ed Laskos, check out Charley Chase’s moment in the mainstream media spotlight as she does her bit to help the LAFD continue “serving with “courage, integrity, and pride.”