An Ode to Rocco

rocco siffredi

I’m all torn up, you guys. Our hero, the Italian Stallion himself, the world’s pornstar, Rocco Siffredi has officially retired from performing. You’ll have to excuse this interruption to Mr. Pink’s regularly scheduled and styled blog posts, ’cause I’m just too emotional right now to write anything but, but…… poetry!

Years ago, an Italian lad
A young stallion, name of Rocco
In his mind’s eye, did shout “Egads!”
and his intuition follow
From one girl to four to fifteen, true
No number overwhelmed him
But Rocco, who will follow you
Now you’ve thrown the towel in

I fear that I am brokenhearted
Though I’m sure I will recover
Unlike the girls whose cheeks he parted
‘fore their faces he did cover
Longing to with him work again
Pro sluts cry out in pain
“Oh, Rocco, our dear Rocco
Porn will never be the same”

Personally, I must agree
The loss is ours, not yours
So I’ll reign in my jealousy
As your wife had done hers

I wish your kin no sadness
I wish your kin no grief
So let me now extend my hand
in congratulations to your wife
Rosa, the Rocco-thief

rocco siffredi review

Lylith LaVey Takes Bang Bros to Court

lylith lavey evil angel

When news broke in mid-2012 that a male adult performer had altered a standard pre-shoot STI test to conceal his syphilis (a.k.a.: the STI that my mother claimed would send me roaring towards total insanity; aka: the most popular STI of the 15th Century), the industry rightfully clutched their collective genitals and said, “Shit, that guy’s an ass (and I hope I didn’t fuck him).” One person who did fuck Mr. Marcus, the man in question, was Lylith LaVey yet she has managed not only to use the legal system to hit back at Marcus himself (as she did in to the tune of $129,360) but also at the company she claims was neglectful in allowing Marcus to perform with a fudged test: our ol’ pals the Bang Bros.

Claiming her association with Mr. Marcus (now known as Mr. Syphilitic) caused her “emotional distress as well as castigation from others in her field,” LaVey (real name Heather DeAngelo) filed suit in early-2014 against Bang Bros, the production entity responsible for the scene in question and Mr. Marcus’ booking. LaVey’s case against the Bros didn’t make it to court and she was awarded an undisclosed sum of money via a settlement agreement with the company. After a 13-month-long lawsuit proceeding, it now appears that this little nightmare episode has resolved itself nice and tidily with the wounded compensated, the negligent hit where it hurts, and the truly guilty scrambling to reassemble his life and career.

Two questions remain, though: who knew you could successfully sue someone for almost (but not) infecting you with syphilis? And who on Earth would change their name from a perfectly porny real name like Heather DeAngelo?

Lylith LaVey at Evil Angel

Benz vs Ann: Nikki on Top!

Lisa Ann vs Nikki Benz

Pornstar Twitter fights rarely escalate into actual altercations IRL but one little spat recently came surprisingly close. Although recently retired from adult, living legend Lisa Ann took to her Twitter account to toss a few snarky comments in the (barely disguised) direction of the one and only Nikki Benz. The resulting back-and-forth saw name-calling, accusations of illegal prostitution, drug references, and the incredible assertion that, now departed from adult, Lisa Ann has no friends in the industry. Although blows were swung by each woman, Benz was clearly down for a scrap and actually invited Ann to do just that. In response, Lisa Ann filed a restraining order in Los Angeles County that alleged she was receiving threats of violence both directly and indirectly made by Nikki Benz. Ever the fighter, the would-be Mayor of Toronto hit back hard, claiming Ann’s application was intended to deny Benz her right to free speech.

The Los Angeles Supreme Court ruled in favor of Benz, dismissing Ann’s restraining order application after Benz filed an motion. The court found Ann’s request was “not supported by the evidence” and that nothing posted to Twitter or said on stage at a January awards show was a sufficient, valid threat to Ann’s safety or security. The ruling comes after Ann claimed she was unable to attend awards ceremonies due to threats made by Benz and her supporters, yet she is a noted and provable attendee of the events in question. As numerous Benz supporters asked on her Twitter account: what the hell was Lisa Ann thinking?

LA Court rules in Benz's favor

Benz responded to the ruling with a press release, which reads as follows:

“I am thrilled that the Court has thrown out Lisa Ann’s frivolous case for supposed harassment against me. I intend to pursue her for all damages she has caused me as a result. Filing legal cases just to get in TMZ is just sad. A big thank you to all adult stars and industry people who showed me support on Twitter and in court. The overwhelming support is greatly appreciated.”

Now if we can only get them in the Brazzers House together…

Sasha Grey Trolled into Ukrainian Conflict

Former pornstar and current… (what, red carpet walker and cameo role shooter?) Whatever she does for a living these days (an erotic novel, seriously?), Sasha Grey hasn’t shot porn since 2011 and therefore hasn’t been genuinely worthy of a porn industry headline in almost four years. Why, then, did Sasha pop up in news feeds around the world last week?

sasha grey

Major news outlets last week reported that Grey’s name and likeness had been appropriated by the propaganda machine lending support to Pro-Russian Separatists in eastern Ukraine, who had claimed in a social media post that the AVN Winner had died on the front lines of the current conflict. As detailed by the Moscow Times, the story told features a nurse named ‘Sasha Serova’ [Serova is similar to the Russian word for ‘grey’] who was “captured by Ukrainian military forces, who then filmed themselves ‘humiliating’ her before chopping her body up with an axe.” Grey, not known for shying away from controversial topics, quickly addressed the rumors on Twitter:

That’s it, folks! The very same woman a Rolling Stone profiler called “the smartest person I’ve ever met in the industry” has declared the Ukrainian conflict, like, all crapped out ’cause people are lying about her on the Internet. Had Ms. Grey waited a few days before Tweeting, she could’ve saved herself the embarrassment of placing the blame squarely on the wrong shoulders. And, who knows, perhaps she might’ve even reconsidered calling the incident “propaganda” – since, you know, it turns out it wasn’t.

Global Voices Online, among others, saw through the veil of irony and uncovered a plot by users of 2ch.hk  aimed at exposing the insipid gullibility of vatniks (supporters of Ukrainian Pro-Russian Separatists) with a very common and much loved tool: the troll quote. Made by placing a quote or factoid over the image of an unrelated pop culture icon to (intentionally) erroneously conflate the two, the troll quote meme has caused many white-knuckled imbeciles to fly into a rage spiral on 4chan and Reddit. This time, however, the trolling didn’t stop at the intended victim, spreading to the US media and Ms. Grey herself, who both seemed to interpret the alleged Russian propaganda as genuine and not the witty work of Ukrainian meme-mongers with only political satire in mind.

In Court with Faith

When a former adult performer makes the headlines, it’s rarely for a positive or complimentary story. Last month’s story in UK newspaper The Telegraph concerning a former porn star is a perfect example: fraud, neglect, money laundering, hamburgers, family, and sunbathing all feature prominently. And the adult performer involved? Well, maybe you recognize her…

Faith UK pornstar

Lisa Bell, a 30-year-old West Yorkshire woman alternately known as super-busty porn babe Faith, was among a gang of miscreants accused of defrauding Audrey Hammond, a 92-year-old widow suffering from Parkinson’s Disease last month. Largely comprised of family members, the gang inserted themselves into Hammond’s life and home after Wendy Bell, Lisa’s mother, was dubiously hired as caretaker of Mrs. Hammond, the wealthy widow of a successful coal merchant. Eventually bringing in her daughter and other family members and friends to assist in providing home care for Mrs. Hammond, “Ma” Bell instead had her daughter aid her draining of the wealthy widow’s bank accounts. From grossly inflated wages of £85-an-hour to ‘ghost’ employees whose wages wound up in Bell’s accounts, carpets stained by cosmetics to caretakers sunbathing and napping by the pool during shifts, the list of offenses revealed during the trial at Bradford Crown Court in late January. The accused are even alleged to have run their ‘burger van’ business from Hammond’s house.

Facing sentencing this week, the Bells could be up for prison stints after being found guilty by jury, with the presiding judge telling Wendy Bell (who actually turned up for court in Uggs!) that jail time appeared “unavoidable” considering the amount of money involved. (Over a two-year period the group siphoned off more than £500,000 from Mrs. Hammond’s fortune.)

The woman formerly known as Faith was said to have turned up for a morning shift in a mini-skirt, high heels, and heavy makeup, told the qualified attending caretaker she was Hammond’s daughter before promptly taking it upon herself to sit down and relax. None of the fraudsters were registered or licensed caretakers, underwent criminal background checks, or asked for proof of qualifications. The younger Bell is, however, a fully qualified adult performer, having run and starred in adult sites In Bed with Faith and Faith Exposed, capture her sexual adventurism at its finest. If sentenced to time behind bars, we can only hope that “Faith” returns to her legally permissible profession upon release. (‘Cause, really, she was just starting to get good at it!)