Gettin’ Sexy at the Spa

Pornstar Spa at Bang BrosMassage porn has been blowing up the cyberwaves of late and it seems like any adult network worth its bandwidth is hastily cobbling together some kind of massage-related hardcore site to keep up with customer demands. Reality Kings has Happy Tugs, an Asian themed massage site; Porn Pros has Massage Creep; Brazzers hosts Dirty Masseur; WTF Pass has HD Massage Porn; and Teen Mega World has Tricky Masseur. Merely scraping the surface and keeping ourselves limited to networks only, no standalone sites, we’ve already gathered all the evidence needed to confirm that massage porn is set to follow parodies just as ska and so-cal punk followed grunge and alterna-rock. The best massage porn site of all, however, is the one with the strongest roster of models laying down and letting some lucky and manually dexterous “masseuse” run his filthy mitts all over their incredible bodies. That site, dear readers, is Pornstar Spa.

Under the watchful eye of the infamous Bang Bros, Pornstar Spa has grown from a seedling of an idea of a concept to one of the most thrilling sites on the entire Bang Bros network – and, man, is that saying something! The latest addition to the Pornstar Spa roster, which already includes more than two dozen incredible pornstar babes, is French/Vietnamese legend of the adult entertainment industry, frequent sparring partner of Manuel Ferrara and Rocco Siffredi, and multiple AVN Award winner, Katsuni. One quick gander at the previews of Katsuni’s Pornstar Spa scene and you’ll see why this site is so damn hard to turn away from: her luscious physique is captured in evocative low camera angles, making it feel like she’s right there in front of you. Lathered with oils and laying on a physiotherapy table, Katsuni’s body has rarely looked better than it does here, and that’s even before anything profoundly sexual occurs. You can imagine how thrilling it gets once she realizes this handyman is here to take care not just of her muscular tension, but her sexual tension, too.

So, you’re not a Katsuni fan? As difficult as that is for this writer to comprehend, we must respect all tastes. Just try and avoid finding an incredibly well-built babe who you wouldn’t turn to murder just to get your hands on for a few measly seconds within this list of Pornstar Spa performers: Vicki Chase, Lisa Ann, Amy Reid, Brynn Tyler, Diamond Kitty, Capri Cavalli, Jennifer Dark, Nicole Aniston, Phoenix Marie, Rachel Starr, Madison Ivy, Kelly Divine, Samantha Saint, Nikki Sexx, Mason Moore, Sophie Dee, Lylith Lavey, Katie Kox, Francesca Le, Vanilla DeVille, Abbey Brooks, Venice, Jayden Jaymes, Richelle Ryan, Sienna West, Tiffany D. Gore, and the incomparable (even after such a disappointing boob-job) Rebeca Linares.

Well, readers, did you ever see a more stellar lineup of physiques in one place in the history of adult entertainment? Yeah, thought not.

Flirts in Skirts

Skirts Up GirlsBack when I was attending Catholic school – yes, that unidentifiable guilt is still with me – my female fellow students were held to a dress code rule that didn’t directly impact us boys: skirt/dress length. The unnecessarily sadistic method teachers had of testing the length of a girl’s skirt or dress was to instruct them to kneel on the floor or, if during recess, on the cold, hard asphalt. If the hem of the garment touched the ground, the girl was fine, if not, detention. (Now there’s a killer idea for a pornsite!) The idea behind this rule being that any girl who wore a skirt short enough to allow anyone, be it teacher, student, school caretaker, secretary, or a boy from a visiting school, visual access to her upper thighs was a “bad girl” who wasn’t welcome in such a fine, upstanding educational institution. Fuck that, am I right? Wear ’em short, ladies! Give us a peek at anything you want to show off. Believe me, we’re eternally grateful for any additional inch of skin. Why do you think we follow you around shopping malls? Stair and escalators, ladies. Stairs and escalators.

Upskirt porn has seen its peaks and valleys of popularity, though it seems of late to have unfortunately avoided the attention of too many porn fans. Perhaps it has been the increased proliferation of celebrity upskirt photos snapped by paparazzo as our hot-legged stars crawl out of limos or prance around onstage in outfits your mother might admire on TV, but would throw up if she caught her daughter wearing. There are, however, some upskirt sites still going strong. One of these recently went under the Pink-O-Scope™: Skirts Up Girls. For the ful lowdown on what’s up at Skirts Up Girls, check out our full review here. (Hint: it rhymes with Stüssy… kinda.)

Inside the Winner’s Circle

2012 AVN AwardsEvery year, the AVN Awards bestow upon porn’s best and brightest the greatest accolades the industry has ever known, and this year was no different. Pornstars both veteran and fledgling, female and male, were handed phallic trophies declaring them the best blahblahblah of 2011 and therefore guaranteeing them a place in the upper echelon of adult performers; at least, that is, until next year. In order to properly assess the current state of the industry and ruminate on what 2012 might have in store for porn viewers across the globe, why don’t we run down the list of the more prominent achievements heralded by the 2011 AVN Awards and see what’s what.

Female Performer of the Year, Bobbi Starr, certainly deserved her accolade, having in the last 12 months cemented herself not only as a astonishing performer capable of the most raucous and debasing kink and rough sex scenes as well as an incredibly tender onscreen lover when it is required, but by managing to do all of this while establishing herself as a maverick director of feminist pro-sex porn for men and women of all persuasions.

Manuel Ferrara took home the Male Performer of the Year award and few could argue that the Frenchman hadn’t earned his phallic trophy. It seems like Manny has been plowing the asses of porn’s best and brightest for eons but the last year has really been a fantastic one for the uncircumcised multiple-shot-popper, having broken in the rear passages of London Keyes, Holly Michaels, Gracie Glam, and Kagney Linn Karter, and extending his extremely intimate Raw DVD series, while maintaining his handsome yet down-to-earth persona.

New Starlet of the Year was a hotly contested category and while I could definitely sit here are argue that Skin Diamond, Holly Michaels, Abella Anderson, Jessie Andrews, and Rebeca Linares’ new tits are all worthy of the accolade (even if the latter did only enter the industry to get their host into big boob movies and out of anal ones), you’ve gotta hand it to Brooklyn Lee. The native Ohioan took on the toughest performers, both male and female, in the industry and proved herself a worthy match. While I can’t help but feel this award might’ve been more appropriately awarded to Ms. Lee last year when she first made a splash, she’s nonetheless a stunning performer with a bright future.

My frontrunner for Female Performer of the Year, Asa Akira, didn’t win that category, but instead took home a wheelbarrow full of awards for the Best Tease Performance, Solo Sex Scene, Anal Sex Scene, Double-Penetration Scene, Threeway Sex Scene (boy/boy/girl), Group Sex Scene, and, for Asa Akira is Insatiable 2, Best All-Sex Release. Quite a year for the diminutive Japanese-American with, well, an insatiable appetite for powerful sex.

Having not yet seen Diary of a Call Girl, I can’t personally vouch for Actress of the Year award winner Jessie Andrews’ performance in the title role, but her numerous other onscreen roles have made quite an impression, both on this reviewer and the porn industry at large. Julia Ann, the wondermilf herself, called Jessie one of the brightest new talents in the business after performing with her in Club 59’s Teach Me. This girl has very, very big things ahead of her.

Industry awards are great, sure, but they don’t mean anything compared to a legion of devoted, sexually satisfied fans. When it came to the fan-voted awards, Riley Steele took ’em all! Best Body, Favorite Porn Star, Twitter Queen, and Hottest Sex Scene (shared with Jesse Jane, Kayden Kross, Stoya, BiBi Jones and Manuel Ferrara for Digital Playground’s Babysitters 2). Talk about an active fanbase!

One of Mr. Pink’s favorite sites, Brazzers, took home Best Membership Website, beating out Naughty America, Bang Bros, and Reality Kings to nab the trophy once again. Oh, and there were plenty of statues handed to producers, directors (most notably Axel Braun), writers, and cinematographers of parody films both drama and comedy, so if you needed one safe bet for the rest of 2012, it’s that parody porn still doesn’t seem to have worn out its welcome. And, no, I don’t quite know how to feel about that.

Congratulations to all of this years winners and our warmest condolences to the rest of the nominees, and here’s to another great year of good ol’ American porn!