I Like Big Butts and Science Knows Why!

jada stevens

From Queen’s ‘Fat Bottomed Girls’ to Sir Mix-a-Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back’ to Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’, people have been writing songs about women with large derrieres for decades, if not longer. Long assumed to be based purely on the increasing physical friction (and therefore pleasure) applied to a penetrating penis by the ample thighs and buttocks of a female with a thick rump, the male attraction to hefty behinds was so intriguing to graduate students of University of Texas at Arlington and Bilkent University in Ankara, Turkey they launched a study to determine the root of this persistent attraction.

Male participants in the joint study were asked to view 300 silhouette images of different women with varying degrees of spinal curvature and asked to rank them by attractiveness. Results found that the men found a curvature of roughly 45º – that is, the buttock line angling down from the spine at 45º – more appealing than other angles, lending credence to the idea that it’s the very size of the ass that determines its appeal. Dr. David Lewis of Bilkent University called the study’s findings “an independent and previously undiscovered standard of attractiveness.” He explained that such spinal curvature would have “enabled ancestral women to shift their center of mass back over their hips during pregnancy, a time during which there is a dramatic forward shift of their center mass.” It’s not all aesthetics and carrying babies in comfort, though, as Dr. Lewis explained. “Ancestral women who possessed this degree of lumbar curvature would have been able to forage longer into pregnancy and would have been able to carry out multiple pregnancies with a reduced risk of spinal injury.”

big butts

So, next time you’re talking to a charming woman with a substantial behind and you feel like making a comment on its appeal, why not try “Excuse me, but how many offspring have you spawned and do you think you could handle another while finding me some snacks?” Go on, see how quickly she turns and shows your her amazing ass… as she leaves in disgust. Knowledge comes at a price, folks, especially in regards to sex.

Reality KingsReality Kings review

Beatin’ on a Budget! with Reality Kings

Reality Kings

When a good deal can mean the difference between piss-poor quality pirated smut infecting your PC with the tech equivalent of herpes and a self-satisfying sexual experience beyond compare, it’s good to have someone in your corner fighting to keep your wallet fat in these uncertain times. Each of us at Mr. Pink’s knows the difference between a site that’s an incredible bargain and one that’s merely not quite ripping you off, so in an effort to highlight worthwhile deals and discounts benefiting our readers I present to you, friend, the first installment of Mr. Pink’s brand-new recurring feature blog: Beatin’ on a Budget!

This week it seems most appropriate to point all you horned-up cheapskates in the direction of a modern classic: Reality Kings. A network initially built around a few inexpensive “reality-based” adult concept sites, but soon infamous across the ‘net, Reality Kings has probably coaxed a few ejaculations from you already, but now it wants more. Home to MILF Hunter, Round and Brown, 8th Street Latinas, Cum Fiesta, and Big Naturals, among other sites, this consistently impressive 42-site network holds a very strong archive of more than 2,000 scenes, each of them exclusive and original, as well as a very healthy update schedule keeping up the streams of stunning 720p and 1080p HD videos.

The Math:
Breaking down a $17.95 month at Reality Kings shows what value this discount delivers. At 42¢-a-site and less than 1¢-a-scene, this Reality Kings deal is a steal if ever there was one and will surely keep you beatin’ on a budget!

Calling Preston Parker

Preston ParkerA couple of months ago there was some shifting in the Bang Bros lineup, both behind the scenes and in front of the camera lens. Preston Parker, the voice and penis who pasted the faces of so many greenhorn pornstars at Facial Fest, the man in the van with the camera in hand for the infamous Bang Bus, has apparently departed Bro-town for the greener pastures of Reality Kings.

The first evidence to point to Preston’s departure, at least the first evidence I saw, was during Asa Akira’s inaugural Bang Bus expedition back in mid-April when the guy wielding the camera first spoke. “Those aren’t the usual dulcet tones we hear from Preston,” I thought. I was soon proven right when one of Asa’s soon-to-be-conquests boarded the bus and remarked that although both Asa Akira and the bus itself were familiar to him, the director was not. Coming very close to looking a gift horse right in the kisser, this cunning linguist said that he was expecting “the other guy,” prompting Asa and the new director to share a chuckle and inform the snatch-happy beach bum that there’s a new guy in town. His name? Well, actually, that particular nugget of information is somewhat still eluding me. I did, however, find Preston Parker alive and well on another critically acclaimed reality-based hardcore network.

Reality Kings might not have an exact replica of either Facial Fest or Bang Bus for Preston to waltz right into, the transition from BB to RK can’t have been too difficult. Preston has already appeared in a dozen episodes for Reality Kings, mostly for Street Blowjobs, which finds him back behind the camera shooting porno newbies sucking him off and taking his hefty load across their faces, but also for Moms Bang Teens, Big Naturals, First Time Auditions, Round and Brown, MILF Hunter, and In the VIP, the latter of which sees him get all liquored up with a gang of wildly unreserved sexual dynamos for an orgy he won’t soon forget.

So, while the reasons behind Preston’s relocating from Bang Bros to Reality Kings remain a mystery, fans of the wisecracking’ seed-spewing former gay-for-pay performer are still able to get their fill of Preston’s powerful facials in many Reality Kings updates to come.

Preston Parker Reality Kings

Gettin’ Sexy at the Spa

Pornstar Spa at Bang BrosMassage porn has been blowing up the cyberwaves of late and it seems like any adult network worth its bandwidth is hastily cobbling together some kind of massage-related hardcore site to keep up with customer demands. Reality Kings has Happy Tugs, an Asian themed massage site; Porn Pros has Massage Creep; Brazzers hosts Dirty Masseur; WTF Pass has HD Massage Porn; and Teen Mega World has Tricky Masseur. Merely scraping the surface and keeping ourselves limited to networks only, no standalone sites, we’ve already gathered all the evidence needed to confirm that massage porn is set to follow parodies just as ska and so-cal punk followed grunge and alterna-rock. The best massage porn site of all, however, is the one with the strongest roster of models laying down and letting some lucky and manually dexterous “masseuse” run his filthy mitts all over their incredible bodies. That site, dear readers, is Pornstar Spa.

Under the watchful eye of the infamous Bang Bros, Pornstar Spa has grown from a seedling of an idea of a concept to one of the most thrilling sites on the entire Bang Bros network – and, man, is that saying something! The latest addition to the Pornstar Spa roster, which already includes more than two dozen incredible pornstar babes, is French/Vietnamese legend of the adult entertainment industry, frequent sparring partner of Manuel Ferrara and Rocco Siffredi, and multiple AVN Award winner, Katsuni. One quick gander at the previews of Katsuni’s Pornstar Spa scene and you’ll see why this site is so damn hard to turn away from: her luscious physique is captured in evocative low camera angles, making it feel like she’s right there in front of you. Lathered with oils and laying on a physiotherapy table, Katsuni’s body has rarely looked better than it does here, and that’s even before anything profoundly sexual occurs. You can imagine how thrilling it gets once she realizes this handyman is here to take care not just of her muscular tension, but her sexual tension, too.

So, you’re not a Katsuni fan? As difficult as that is for this writer to comprehend, we must respect all tastes. Just try and avoid finding an incredibly well-built babe who you wouldn’t turn to murder just to get your hands on for a few measly seconds within this list of Pornstar Spa performers: Vicki Chase, Lisa Ann, Amy Reid, Brynn Tyler, Diamond Kitty, Capri Cavalli, Jennifer Dark, Nicole Aniston, Phoenix Marie, Rachel Starr, Madison Ivy, Kelly Divine, Samantha Saint, Nikki Sexx, Mason Moore, Sophie Dee, Lylith Lavey, Katie Kox, Francesca Le, Vanilla DeVille, Abbey Brooks, Venice, Jayden Jaymes, Richelle Ryan, Sienna West, Tiffany D. Gore, and the incomparable (even after such a disappointing boob-job) Rebeca Linares.

Well, readers, did you ever see a more stellar lineup of physiques in one place in the history of adult entertainment? Yeah, thought not.

Faceless, Namelss, Shameless

No Faces Reality KingsReality Kings - the network that brought you MILF Hunter, Round and Brown, and Big Naturals – comes a unique and intriguing take on the reality-porn staple sub-genre most folks identify as ‘amateur GFs sextapes’. Called No Faces, this very new and very small section of Reality Kings isn’t yet listed on the network tour and join pages and can only be found inside the members area. “What’s the deal,” I hear you wondering. Well, No Faces claims to give genuine amateurs the chance to shoot their own porn, show it to the world, and still run for elected office if they so choose thanks to craftily retaining their anonymity. How can this be? Are we really expected to beat off to faceless women? Who knows, perhaps this will work out beautifully in action, if not theory. Are these girls with obscured faces – t-shirts, camera angles, and crafty editing keep the identities of the performers a secret – actually genuine amateurs who heeded RK’s call for submissions or are they pornstars branching out into avant-garde art-porn or merely making a few extra bucks on a site they otherwise wouldn’t be fit for?

Judging from these comments found on No Face’s two existing scenes, the jury’s still out on this latest RK effort.

No Faces Reality Kings comments