Dana DeArmond: Blowjob Master

dana dearmond throated

Personally, I wasn’t aware that any guy with ambitions of bro-hood needed much guidance. After all, the typical bro is concerned with only five things: video games, beer, money, and pussy; what’s left to talk about? Well, apparently there’s enough to keep BroBible publishing its advice for would-be champions of bro-dom. In a recent recap of a viral video created by those controversial Simple Pickup bros, BroBible declared Dana DeArmond not only a more adept cocksucker than Alix Lynx or Skin Diamond, but the unquestioned queen of fellatial technique. Not convinced? Allow my fellow oral enthusiasts and I to make a case for Ms. DeArmond’s supremacy. But first, you’d best watch Porn Stars Give Blowjob Advice.

Skin and Alix didn’t exactly stumble when it came to demonstrating some crucial techniques, no, but compared to the fearless and masterful displays of skill from Dana, they should be headed back to porno boot camp for remedial instruction. Dana DeArmond’s enthusiasm for sucking dick seems to know no bounds. Case in point, check out this preview from Throated:

While Skin Diamond’s all “Get it sloppy…. if their eyes roll back keep doing that thing,” and Alix demonstrates a few tepid licks and slurps, Dana compares fellatio to being a carnival clown trying to take the biggest ping-pong on the midway, stretching her remarkably flexible maw to accommodate not only her own orange popsicle but both her and her enthusiastic blonde student’s deep into her throat. Then, as if asked to top the most daring instruction yet given, she invites her student to fist her gaping mouth. Soon DeArmond is leaning backwards over a table to illustrate the bed-edge overhang technique, adding that “Crying is ok, too.”

It’s all over much too soon, of course, but thankfully Dana DeArmond can be seen sucking dick as masterfully as any woman on Earth on a plethora of adult websites and left both her students and all aspiring fellatio masters with an eloquent and inspiring piece of advice to “Suck life’s dick!”

Family Ties – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comMissy Pink,

I got pregnant during my senior year of high school, and married my boyfriend on the night all of my classmates were getting their diploma. That was 5 years ago and we have two children now. We’ve lived from the beginning with my in-laws, which is nice, they babysit and we can save money for a house we want to one day buy. The problem is, my husband remains a “grown ass man living at home,” and does nothing to help me. His Dad has been the male figure in my life growing up. And, he’s also been my go to guy on many occasions as well. He’s dried my tears, kicked me in the ass when I needed one through encouraging advice, and, well, last night, when I was upset after a fight with my husband, he was consoling me and then suddenly we kissed. I find myself being very attracted to my father in law, but I’m also feeling a lot of guilt over it.

– Family Ties

Dear Friend;

First of all, even though sharing a kiss with your Father-In-Law was wrong on many levels, try to save some of the energy you’re using in beating yourself up over it, to assuring it doesn’t happen again.

The past five years sounds to have been a different style of life for you. Not having the luxury of being in your own home to raise your family and to build a marriage with your husband is the beginning of the problem. It’s understandable having the assistance with the family and the ability to put a few dollars in the bank is a perk, but, what are you sacrificing for that to happen? As long as your spouse lives under the same roof as he did as a carefree senior in high school is going to keep him in that same frame of mind. So, to rule on the first aspect of your issues, it’s time to take that moldy money out and put it towards not just your future, but your marriage, if not, there may not be anything to save for. Start filling out loan applications and when listing your assets, be sure within your heart, the love for the man you married still rings true.

Now, in some ways, there’s an unspoken understanding for the closeness you feel for your Father-In-Law, after all, he’s been “the man of the house” that your husband hasn’t. All of the little things that make you feel safe, and also security for your family, has come from this man. He’s taking care of all of your needs, and, in a roundabout way, the intimacy factor goes hand in hand many times when the other avenues have been addressed and you feel the appreciation. While your husband is laying on the couch sucking down a cold beer and leaving his boxer shorts on the bathroom floor, his Dad has succeeded in being the MAN you need, the rock that helps keep you strong.

Your gratitude, and friendship for this older man is now leading you down a path that could be a very dangerous place to travel. If things progress, many hearts could be broken, which includes your own, and your entire family. Today it’s a kiss, tomorrow it might be some harmless second base feeling of the genitals, and by next week, you may be hoisting your legs into the air for some missionary madness. No matter how much you’re tempted, keep your feet planted firmly on the floor, and part your lips only to utter, “It’s time for a change.” Shave the hardcore sex for your hubby. Preserve the closeness you have with your Father-In-Law by saving yourself. If you still want to be with your husband, then put down your foot and tell him it’s time he grows up, you’re already raising two babies, you don’t need a third. If your feelings for him have changed, then consider that a passage into independence that you’re going to be strong enough to face. Your priority are those babies, do what’s best for them, and also for yourself, and that doesn’t include sharing stolen kisses with the man from whom helped create your husband.

Fed Up With Tech – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink,

I’ve had my fill of technology, because it’s ruining my relationship! My girlfriend and I have lived together for nearly 6 years, and she use to hang on every word I said, we would go places, do things together and have a wonderful time. Our sex life was as amazing as the rest of our relationship. About 3 years ago, she wrapped herself up in texting, tweeting and social networking, leaving no room in her life for me. I try taking her for dinner, she’s checking her phone and sending messages the entire time, we can’t go to the movies because it’s too dark in there for her to see her phone. Even when trying to have sex, if her phone goes off, she literally climbs out of bed to see who’s texted her. I want things the way they use to be!

Fed Up With Tech!!!

Dear Friend;

Don’t feel as though you’re alone in your plight for the attention of your significant other, there are people lodging complaints at the water cooler every day. There are times when something new comes along that captures the attention, and then, once the excitement wears off, things go back to being the normal, but, it seems as though this lifestyle is here to stay for many.

There’s something about wanting to be in the depths of others’ personal lives, whether it’s those sharing a friends list, or celebrities that post comment and pictures, putting a piece of themselves out there for the world to latch onto, and, for those that are engrossed on these updates, they become obsessed with knowing everything minute by minute, and, unfortunately, in doing so, they lose touch with the reality of their own lives.

Maybe a bit of self instilled discipline is called for. Talk to her, tell her you’re feeling left out in her life and ask her what’s more important, her virtual world or the life you two are building. By all means though, talk it out as a couple, don’t just put your foot down and expect her to “obey” your orders, that will push her away all together. As a joint decision, maybe instill boundaries to, meal time is shared without the bells and whistles of notifications, the only ringing to be heard is the sound of the microwave kicking off after warming chocolate for dipping strawberries into. Also, date nights are for the two of you only, pictures can be taken but the uploading is saved for the next day. And when the lights are turned out at night, so is the WIFI. The cell phone is left on the charger while batteries are placed into the vibrator, enhancing the foreplay that will have her saturating the sheets and the two of you getting back to the basics of boner meeting beauty!