Tag: Sex Advice

Dear Missy Pink,

I’m not a happy woman right now. I’ve been married for just shy of 10 years, to a man that I’ve always been turned on by, and, I thought he felt the same. He’s never had medical issues since we’ve been together, and yet, this morning, our local pharmacy called to tell me his prescription was ready for pick-up. I was confused, but, didn’t let on to them over the phone, instead, I went down to retrieve a small white envelope, holding a single bottle of pills. My heart was racing, I was afraid something was physically wrong with him that he’d not worried me with. My fingers were trembling when I pulled the bottle out and looked to see it was for Viagra! WHAT? I don’t understand why he’d be taking it, there’s never been an issue with our sex life, but, it said it was his 3rd refill of 5 for the prescription. I’m so angry, I’m wanting to erupt when he walks in the door, but, I also don’t want to handle it wrongly.

“Hard” Feelings

Dear Friend;

Okay, first of all, I’m assuming since you found the Viagra in the pharmacy bag, you’ve not jumped your husband’s bones lately, so, let’s not jump to conclusions either.

There is a vast array of issues that can cause erectile dysfunction for men, stress with the job, age, medical issues, depression, and the list goes on and on. Even though you’ve been married for quite some time, you truly don’t know how long he may or may not have been indulging in this medication, it could be something he’s taken since your dating days and you’re just not aware of it. Being a woman, I know how the female mind works, and I can pretty much state you’re thinking one of two things, either he’s not sexually aroused by you anymore, or, he’s having an affair and needs the extra boost for his boner. But, step outside the box and think past the estrogen filled logic.

Did you ever consider that he’s embarrassed to mention any problem he might be having with you? Yes, you’ve been in a long term relationship, but still, a male’s stamina and sexuality is still something they hold near and dear, and, you even said your sex life has always been wonderful, so, I’m sure he wants to keep it that way and not let you down. He may also think if he were to tell you there was a problem in the lower-forty area of his anatomy, you would jump to the same conclusion you now have, that, you don’t turn him on and he needs help. In a situation such as this, it’s normal for the male to think each time there’s hardcore sex to be had, you’re going to wonder if it’s him wanting you, or just a reaction from the Viagra.

If you’ve not noticed anything different in the bedroom, then keep this in mind. Those types of medications only do so much, but there is also the need of being excited and enticed to want things to be on the rise, and, apparently, you’re doing that for him. He’s getting up and having an orgasm with you, that’s a very good sign.

Before you assume anything, put your ego on the back burner. Sit down and talk to him in a rational manner, you may be surprised with the truth he offers, be supportive and sexy for him. If he thinks you’re disgusted and disappointed in his manhood, or, he feels you don’t trust him in the area of fidelity, it’s going to bring with it an even harder pill to swallow.

Missy Pink,

I’m a male, 34 years old, I’m financially stable and most of the time, I like to think I’m mentally stable too, but, these days, I wonder. I’ve been involved with a woman for the last 5 years. Recently, a new employee was hired into her office, a lesbian. They immediately became friends, and she was all she would talk about. I had a bit of jealousy churning in my gut, especially after I was told they’d kissed and she felt a spark, and felt as if we needed to take a break from one another, to see if we were truly compatible. While my jaw was dropped, she’d packed her things and was gone. We continued to talk on the phone. She had moved back in with her parents but didn’t want to be there, so, I offered to let her come back while she “explored” herself, I had to have her back in my life, I love her. At first we stayed in separate bedrooms, then, one night, she let me into her room and we’ve been sleeping together and having hardcore sex again. She would still see her lesbian friend occasionally, but, I thought we were solid. Last night, she left her laptop on and when I walked past, it was still logged into her email account. I found she’d been exchanging letters with my brother, not just friendly notes, but, nude pictures and also writings of the sex they’d been sharing. I want to confront her, but, I don’t want her to leave, I’m hanging onto every morsel I can. She’s a cheater, but, what does that make me?

– Fucked over by a female

Dear Friend;

If you’d gone back and re-read the words you sent to me, I think you would have easily been able to answer your own question of, “What does that make me?” Excuse my bluntness, but, I’m assuming you wouldn’t have written to me if you didn’t want me to shoot straight from the hip with the truth, but, my answer for you would be….pathetic! Back up and look at things, you said you’re mid 30’s, and financially secure, two huge things in your favor, use those to begin rebuilding upon.

Your girlfriend is in search of something about herself, but in finding what may or may not be missing, she’s destroying you. She felt a spark when kissing another woman, that may mean she’s being explorative, or, she may be bisexual, that’s only for her to know for certain. If sliding her tongue over a hardened clitoris excites her more than offering you a blowjob, then it could be her preference, or a lack of feeling for you. Since she’s now moved on to – not just another man, but your sibling, that tells me she’s on the prowl for something different and a bit naughty. Knowing she’s having intercourse with you and your brother is keeping an almost fetish filled spark burning within her.

Honestly speaking, if she’s now been with not only another woman, but also a male while still in a relationship with you, that’s a sign there could be more relationships that you don’t know about.

You said you were hanging onto every morsel you can, but, if you were to open your eyes, you’ll see that’s all you have, crumbs that she tosses to you only when she wants. You’re being used for a roof over her head and an orgasm now and then, but there’s nothing emotionally binding her to you. It’s time you take your life back.

You’ve given her a home, sex, understanding and compassion, now, it’s time you offer your inner strength and self respect. Neatly pack up her belongings and set them outside the front door, have the locks changed and then go on with your life. What you’re feeling isn’t love, it’s stemming from something deep within you, a lack of self confidence and/or self respect, of some sort, making you feel that she’s the only one that can put a smile on your face. In my heart of hearts, I believe you’ve known for quite some time she’s not the girl for you, but, sometimes it’s easier to hold onto what we’re familiar with, rather than seeking something new, refreshing and built on honesty.

Grab the broom and dustpan, sweep up those morsels and toss them into the trash, just like any other broken item that can’t be repaired, it’s time to find a replacement, because you’re being screwed in more way than one.

Missy Pink,

I’m a female, in my early 40’s and have never been married. Actually I’ve only had a couple relationships in my life that lasted more than a few weeks. I’m more than self sufficient financially, I have friendships and activities outside of work, my life is set in a mode that I feel more than comfortable with, and, I truly have no desire for a relationship, I never have. I’m not wanting to sound like a snob of some sort, I just don’t want to deal with the hassle of answering to anyone, being home at a certain time, or, suddenly feeling as though I have someone in my life other than myself to take care of. Of course, I also enjoy sex, often, but the type with no strings attached. I meet men in bars, at work, social gatherings, social networks, etc., but, none of them are more than a one night stand. I’m obsessed with stranger sex, and, it’s to a point where even I am starting to worry about myself. I don’t feel like I’m in a “normal” frame of mind anymore, am I wrong?

– Quick Satisfaction

Dear Quick;

First of all, allow me to say kudos for you being at not only a well established point in your life, but, also for knowing what you want, getting it and enjoying your inhabitance.

Forgive me for making an assumption, but, the sound of your letter led me to think you have sex quite often in the means you described, and, if that’s the case, there seems to be a definite control issue living and breathing within you. You’re meticulous in explaining how secure you are in most every aspect of your life, you made it happen, and it sounds as if you work very hard to keep it that way, but, that control is also sifting into your sexual prowling.

I don’t think I really have the need to mention the obvious, in the form of the “stranger danger” scenario. Times have changed, and even though there has always been a bit of a red flag when it comes to sharing intimacy as a one night stand, it seems it’s risen in the possibility of things possibly going terribly wrong. I doubt there’s a person alive that hasn’t fantasized about that one time, just being penetrated with a complete and total, wild abandonment, by someone we don’t know and feel sure we’ll never see again. To shed any inhibitions and for once in our lives just cutting loose every ounce of lust and letting the moment consume us, but, when it’s become a lifestyle of choice, that says there could be a problem.

If you don’t want a relationship, that’s understandable, but, keep in mind, there are men in the world as well that enjoy the, “no strings attached” sort of scenario, but, also want to feel monogamous, not wanting to be with something so promiscuous, for fear of sexually transmitted diseases and such. Find someone, both of you have testing to be sure you’re disease free and then call each other your fuck buddy, you can keep a one on one sexual status and still not have the hassles of cooking for two and folding boxer shorts as part of your Saturday, laundry ritual.

If it’s the thrill and almost fetish nature of the type of sex you’re having at this time, and you don’t think you can stop, then I would have to highly recommend some sort of counseling. There’s nothing Pollyanna about the world today, don’t deceive yourself into thinking, “It could never happen to me,” it can happen to anyone. There’s more than one way to practice safe sex.

Ms. Pink,

When my girlfriend and I began to get serious about one another, we talked about our past sexual relationships and were completely open with each other. She hadn’t been with anyone for nearly four years, after coming out of an abusive relationship, before meeting me. We click well together, and have for almost eighteen months. Our sex life has become more infrequent and when I asked her about it last weekend, she said sex just doesn’t excite her anymore, she loves me for me and not the orgasm. I love her too, but, I still need the orgasm, but I didn’t want to make her do something she didn’t want to do. A few days ago, while she was at work and I have the week off, I decided to start on some remodeling projects we’d talked about, I thought that would put her into a better frame of mind. As I started taking things from drawers to move cabinets and such, I began finding a collection of sex toys. There were dildos and vibrators hidden in the bathroom and then I found more in our bedroom and even in the kitchen! I feel like she’s cumming, she just doesn’t want company when doing so! I don’t know how to feel.

Not So Good Vibrations

Dear Not-So-Good,

First and foremost, don’t let your treasure hunt for toys cast a shadow on your manhood, I truly don’t believe that’s what you’re dealing with.

You said before meeting your girlfriend she’d not been intimate with anyone for quite a few years, which tells me, she probably utilized the act of solo masturbation as her release from tension, and sexual arousal, which, as we all know is nothing to be ashamed of, or considered taboo. That was her avenue for satisfaction, she may have found personal comfort in the self induced pleasure, and, it could be, she’s grown so accustom to that – that is her go to comfort zone. We can be creatures of habit in many ways. There is a large part of the female population that’s unable to achieve orgasm through hardcore intercourse, and for each of those women, the cause is just as individual, but, for some, it’s all in what you become use to.

Your girlfriend, by your own sharing of information, came out of an abusive relationship, and, with masturbation, it’s done on your own timing, your own place, and means, without the thought of letting yourself down or your lover, it’s just those few minutes of stolen excitement and pleasure that keeps a world turning.

If you haven’t approached her yet about the sex toys you found…don’t. She’ll be humiliated, embarrassed and possibly even angry, which will cause other issues within your relationship. Give her time, romance her, sweep her off of her feet, let her know how much you care emotionally and the physically may begin to feel more appealing to her. If you love her, then it’s time to exercise patience. You may be taking matters into your own hands until things either work out, or otherwise, so, buy a few extra batteries and toss them into your junk drawer, in case she needs them, and maybe pick up a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues for yourself.