Since arriving on the international porn scene in 2011 and making waves in the US industry thanks to her relentless pursuit of personal pleasure, devotion to full gender equality, or fondness for shooting anal, DP, and gangbang scenes, Italian goddess Valentina Nappi has become one of the more salient commentators on the ins-and-outs of the porn world. So, when GQ published a slightly disturbing article entitled “How to Ask for Anal Sex” only to then be followed by a red-pen wielding Complex writer who pointed out its numerous flaws and falsehoods – “Women like to be surprised,” claims GQ, but that doesn’t extend to surprise buttsecks! – we turned to the esteemed Ms. Nappi for her advice, compared it to that of GQ and Complex, and tried to figure out which source was providing the real assistance to anally-inclined readers. Guess who came out on top?
GQ writer, “sex expert” and hostess, Sarah Jane Banahan suggests forgoing mentioning or requesting an anal attempt in advance, telling readers to “undress her slowly, kiss her, tell her quietly that you are going to penetrate her from behind.” Yeah, kinda like that disturbing scene from The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo! Complex, for its part, wanted answers and turned to sexologist Bianca Laureano to get them. “Articles like this are dangerous because they give men the impression they may do something sexual with a partner without their consent.” Real anal sex, dear readers, is nothing like a porn scenario. You don’t start out with heavy petting, say “Turn over, baby,” then dive in cock-first. What you want to do is follow the advice of someone who’s been on the receiving end of many an butt-hungry penis in her time, Ms. Valentina Nappi.
In a blog post entitled How to Do Anal, Valentina lays it out as clearly as anyone anal adventurer could want. First, she details cleanliness protocols, discussing how to administer an enema and how pornstars stay clean on set. Some take psyllium whole husks for a fiber blast thrice daily before a shoot while others take Imodium (“not a healthy decision,” she says), but Valentina herself simply reduces fiber intake prior to a shoot to ensure she’s not leaking all over the set, the props, and her co-stars come the day of the shoot. Lubrication is next on Ms. Nappi’s checklist and, boy, is she through, a far cry from the lube-less anal attempts outlined in GQ. Size is also discussed, with Nappi insisting that every ass is different and can accommodate objects of different sizes. Crucially, she points out that the average length of the human rectum ranges from 10cm to 15cm and anything larger than that may end up smashing your colon, potentially resulting in Depends dependency.
Sure, GQ and even Complex’s guides to anal sex lacked the casual language Nappi uses, aiming for a more scientific-sounding approach to anal preparation, but really, at the end of the day which would you trust, the male equivalent of Cosmopolitan, a hip-hop-oriented youth culture magazine, or someone who takes cocks in their ass for a living and is comfortable, confident, and casually serious enough about the safety of her fans’ and fans’ lovers’ assholes that she’d even post a little infographic to help identify the (literal) shit you don’t wanna know about, as well as the (proverbial) shit you absolutely need to know before plunging your boner deep inside a surprisingly sensitive little passage.
Valentina Nappi @ HardX