Literature Lust – Mr. Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink,

I’m a female, 40+ in age, married to the same man for 21 years. Life has become comfortable, yes, routine and at times feeling a bit of a rut has taken over, but still, comfortable. We’re the typical next door neighbor, we both work, empty nesters, are in bed after the nightly news and Saturday nights are reserved for sex. My one relaxing act through the week is reading, and, I enjoy the dirty paperback books that need to be hidden between reading episodes. That’s how I put myself to sleep at night, dozing off between chapters. My husband recently picked up one of my books for the first time and read through a few pages. Now he’s thinking I want what’s written on the pages and he’s excited about trying different types of sexual fetish acts, and I don’t want that at all, it’s fun to read about, but, that’s where it stops. How do I tell him without him thinking I’m just not interested in getting kinky with him?

Literature Lust

Dear Lust,
Well, it’s a fine pornographic pickle you find yourself in! If you were to ask 10 women if they’d be game to follow his excitement or would they be more apt to agree with you, where reading about it is enough, I would have to first ask, how many of those 10 women are single, how many married. I say that, for a good reason.

When a couple get together and everything is new, exciting, abundantly wrapped in flirting and innuendoes, they enjoy the naughtiness of reaching an orgasm. The acts of hardcore pleasure, fetish filled moments that make them think about what’s transpired until they have the next erotic escapade. It’s all consensual and sensual when it’s fresh and new, but, as you mentioned, you’ve been married for over twenty years, so, there is this sort of adult image, an aura of being a responsible pillar of the community, things have settled down to a pace you feel good about. For singles, there is still that wildness of exploration and experimentation, for married people, it’s familiarity.

Men are visual creatures, so, as he read the pages of your book, he imagined seeing you in a sexy bit of lingerie, stockings tied around your wrists and ankles, your chest rising and falling from hard breathing as you anticipate the fetish act he’ll bestow upon you. In his mind, he may have only read a few pages, but, his imagination has taken him through volume two and three already. It may be too, he believes since that’s what you’re reading about, that’s what you want, and he’s happy to comply.
For women, we seemingly enjoy wrapping our minds around the written word. Anything can be sexy to us if it’s narrated from the pages in a manner that leaves us feeling as though we can become one of the characters….and that is the key. We place ourselves in the book, we become who we’re reading about, it’s an escape from the everyday life of who we are, and it will make for some very passionate and wet dreams through the night, but, when the alarm goes off, we return to our own bed, our own life, and our own way of feeling comfortable.

With kindness and compassion, explain to your husband that you love him, and you lust after him, but in the manner as things are now, that is what you find sexy. Tell him the books are merely fantasy, and reality is much better in your opinion. Just as he watches football every weekend and imagines himself on the field, grunting and sweating and scoring the winning touchdown, it’s a great dream, but he wouldn’t really want to take that brutal punishment each weekend. Once you make him understand he scores highly every Saturday night in the bedroom, he’ll feel like the most valuable player of your life.

Nervous Husband – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comMissy Pink,

I’m married to a wonderful stay at home Mom. My wife and I are the same age, 33, and things have always seemed to work out perfectly within our marriage. A few months ago she met a stay at home Dad, through a mutual play date, and they’ve developed a very strong friendship, even calling and texting during the evening hours. She doesn’t hide anything, but, she talks about him all the time and I found myself feeling nervous about their relationship, so, I told her my feelings. We talked calmly and she eased my ill feelings, but within days I was more upset than before and we both said hurtful things to one another. There’s been a damage done that I’m not sure can be reversed.

Nervous Husband

Dear Nervous;

You use words such as, “nervous and ill feelings,” when describing how the friendship your wife has with another man, but let’s be honest here, you’re jealous.  I found myself wanting to say, if you’re feeling insecure about this friendship, that tells me you know there are areas that have caused voids for her and maybe she’s found someone else to fill them. To look at this logically, they have much in common, both being stay at home parents, they can compare notes, complain, boast, brag, and literally go crazy over the hectic side of their days, and they know it’s completely understood. While you’re out in the work force, talking to adults and having a change of scenery, she’s been at home watching Sesame Street and carrying on conversations about how potty training works…now she has adult attention.

You didn’t mention if anything was failing in the bedroom part of your marriage, which leads me to believe you feel the connection is more of an emotional one, and if that’s the case, it could get tricky. She’s felt on her own in many ways I’m sure for quite some time, and now there’s finally a sympathetic ear and a non judgmental sounding board that has become her salvation. In some ways, that’s more satisfying than a sexual orgasm.

Since you stepped outside of the comfort zone and hurtful words were spoken, it’s going to take some time on your end to make amends, if that’s the route you’re wanting to go. It will be hard however to do your best to smooth things over if you still have that gnawing feeling in the pit of your stomach, and, if she refuses to end the friendship, one marital blow up is going to lead to another.

My recommendation would be….be honest. Sit her down, explain that you’re sorry for what you said, and even though you both were hurt, you want to discuss things as adults and at least get to a place where you don’t feel the constant flow of anger between you, and then, seek the assistance of a professional. Yes, couple’s counseling sounds like it may be called for. If you love her as I believe you do, but you feel this threatened over her closeness to another male, then you need a mediator to oversee your healing. Also, there could be the possibility that she has emotional feelings for this male friend and she doesn’t know how to deal with them, maybe that’s the cause for her to become defensive, there are many ways things could go, so, being constructive is the best route to take.

Don’t just toss away the idea of counseling, you may need to be on a therapist’s couch before you get back into the marital bed.

Unfaithful – Missy Pink’s Sex Advice

Missy Pinks at MrPinks.comDear Missy Pink;

I’ve made a terrible mistake and I don’t know how to undo things. About 2 yrs ago my husband I were fighting, a lot. I found myself wanting to have a man talk nice to me, and be comforting, and I had an affair. It only happened once, and I was so ashamed of myself I didn’t know how to handle it. I confided in a friend and I thought I could trust her. Now, she’s blackmailing me of sorts. She drops little remarks in front of my husband that, if he were a suspicious man, he would have picked up on immediately, and, she’s now flirting with him every chance she gets. Oh, and I just found out a few days ago that she and her husband have filed for divorce. I’m afraid she’s going to spill the beans, I’m afraid I’ve ruined our marriage and just when things were going much better for us.

– Unfaithful

My first thought is to tell you to stop beating yourself up for having the affair. Granted, it wasn’t the right thing to do in the moral sense, but, what’s done is done, now it’s time to address your concerns.  Many others before you and after you will carry out the same actions and the majority of them will feel as much remorse as you do right now.

The fact that you said before mentioning the sharing of information with your friend that you felt miserable tells me you truly do wish it hadn’t happened, you had an immediate regret. You were vulnerable and needful and the hardcore pleasure of sharing intimacy with someone is what you thought would make you feel better at the time, but, all it did was open a new problem that you now don’t know how to deal with.

As for your, “friend,” and I use that term loosely, you learned the hard way what many others have known for a very long time, trust no one in the respect of them one day being able to use your words as ammunition against you. I can understand you needing to vent and share, it was probably much like an internal combustion, you needed the release. However, it seems as if your “friend” is going to use this to her advantage, she’s maybe always had a keen eye for your husband, and now that she’s going through a divorce and she has this secret of yours, she may work it as foreplay to move her way between the cool cotton sheets with your spouse.

You said things were going better in your marriage, which tells me any advances she may try to make, will probably fall upon deaf ears just as her insinuations have done.  She may not really have any intention of spilling the beans, but since it is a possibility, and it’s much harder to get the cat back into the bag once it’s been let go, my suggestion would be to come clean with your husband. Sit him down, tell him what happened, express how remorseful you feel about what took place and that it would never happen again. Let him deal with it in his own way, but let him know that your heart is with him.

Let your “friend” feel as if she doesn’t have a secret to stand on, and then share passionate, hardcore, uninhibited sex with your spouse each and every night, proving to him that your desires are for him only.  Actions speak louder than words, unleash your guilt and your arousal, be yourself, be honest and be happy.