Cleaning Up is Hard to Do

All guys have experienced that frantic search for a tissue, old sock, new sock, or fraying rag upon reaching the climax of a masturbatory jaunt. Not always fun, is it? You grab a communal tissue box – hey, nobody was home! – but get paranoid someone can feel the encrusted pre-cum adorning the cardboard side. Or you find the closest cloth object, wipe up, then realize you’ve probably stained your favorite vintage Heart concert shirt with a million-or-so little swimmers. What to do? What to do? Digital Playground, home of the DP contract stars and many incredible audio-visual masturbation aids, has the solution.

dick bib

Dubbed the “DickBib” and riding the Internet-aided trend of “tributing” (ejaculating on) images of desirable women, Digital Playground has launched an IndieGoGo campaign to raise funds for its latest novelty, a clean-up cloth baring the visage of the studio’s current It Girl, Eva Lovia. Designed to hang below your junk “in anticipation of your spunk,” the DickBib is made from a “special polyester” that’s both reusable and washable, allegedly saving you copious funds otherwise spent on tissues and new socks. The DickBib wearer simply fastens above the penis and lets the lovely Ms. Lovia’s face dangle behind and below their balls in wait.

52400Is this product, which DP has for pre-sale for $20-a-pop with perks for larger contributions, the stupidest sexual aid to come along since the ScreamingO SnorkelO or a sensible and environmentally friendly way to clean up your spooge? More importantly though, what are you going to tell your visiting, doting mother when she finds the semen-encrusted face of a pornstar staring back at her from your month-old laundry basket and how do you address the “bib” portion of the name without feeling like you should be having baby food wiped from your chin by a babysitter?

Lelo’s Masturbation Tips for Couples

ftv girl Shannon

Dubbed ‘Masturbation Month’ by a group of fierce advocates for self-pleasure, May sees people around the world stroking their dicks and rubbing their pussies not only to relieve stress, improve general health, and ensure their organs are functioning as expected, but to increase awareness of this most intimate and personal style of lovemaking amongst those who would otherwise believe it a blindness-causing sin. Lelo, preeminent makers of the world’s finest intimate lifestyle products, has other ideas for Masturbation Month 2015, however, and provided some brilliant tips for couples ready to explore masturbation both individual and mutual. Here’s a taste…

– Destigmatize masturbation by treating it like any other sexual act, says Lelo. “Arbitrary distinctions between what is sex and what isn’t can hamper you from fully expressing yourself… a good way to start is by ‘just’ masturbating with your partner, not treating it as foreplay.”

– The simplest advice is often the best. Case in point: pay attention! “Both show your partner what exactly it is that you want sexually, as well as learn the same of them.”

– Make some changes to your own masturbation routine – add a new toy, switch hands, get creative (but not lethally so) with some neckties or vegetables and “learn new ways to reach climax both by yourself and with your partner.”

– Instead of whining and pining for an absent lover, use the distance as a tool to find new ways to enjoy each other. Try embracing every techno-tool you can to keep each other aching for contact, then let off steam by pleasuring yourselves together over a video chat.

– Many women (and some men) find most pornography a turn-off, largely because they don’t know what’s out there. “There are filmmakers dedicated to improving pornographic movies to better present female pleasure and feminist themes. Just as you compromise on what TV show to watch after dinner, you can compromise and foster tastes as a couple.”

– Respect and enjoy your need for a truly solitary experience: “Masturbation is healthy and fun, but it can be important to also have moments to yourself, and respect that you partner’s appetites for sex (alone or together) may differ from yours.”

Lelo’s masturbation advice for couples can be read in full at BaDoink, where many Mr. Pink readers are already enjoying some top-notch meat-beating inspiration in celebration of Masturbation Month.

For some great masturbation videos, Mr. Pink’s suggests FTV Girls

Give Yourself a Handie!

 

The Handie sex toy

Considering the dearth of sexual aids available to men – let’s face it, there’s the Pocket Pussy and Fleshlight and little else – it’s quite surprising that nobody tried to address this market disparity with something like The Handie before now. As discussed on this here blog back in early October, The Handie is an all-in-one sexual aid for men that promises to make bare-fisted masturbation a thing of the past. With a self-lubricating system, vibrating element, textured penetration simulation, and an easy-to-clean ejaculate receptacle, The Handie should’ve been such a smash hit with online audiences that it’s failure to raise the $69,000 declared necessary for production on the product’s IndieGoGo crowdfunding page.

Raising only $3,862 through IndieGoGo, The Handie went into production anyway and is now available for purchase. And, given the amount of attention The Handie has been receiving from the mainstream and adult branches of the media, it could soon be sold out. Heather Vahn (of whom we haven’t seen nearly enough lately) and Khloe Kush starred in the very first Handie promo video (above) and Angelina Chung has just been named the very first “Handie Girl” (although exactly what that means remains to be seen), proving this unique masturbatory aid not only has the pornstar seal of approval, but seems a solid, failure-proof venture enough that actual adult entertainment professionals are risking embarrassment and a career misstep to support it. The Handie is very real and very available and (presumably) very comfortable… unless you’re Milwaukee Buck Giannis Antetokounmpo, that is.